The vicious circle, how can we break free?

Hi there,
You might have heard about the vicious circle, or might even be stuck in one.

vicious circle
n.
1. A situation in which the apparent solution of one problem in a chain of circumstances creates a new problem and increases the difficulty of solving the original problem. Also called vicious cycle.
2. A condition in which a disorder or disease gives rise to another that subsequently affects the first.

My personal definition: An action or situation (or pattern of thought/mentality) which you know is bad for your mental and physical wellbeing, but for some reason or another, you keep repeating, either by weakness and/or by not knowing which steps to take to break free. Sometimes also accompanied by a hope that things will better themselves 'magically'.
And when sometimes you think that you are making progress, and when you start feeling better about it, you relax and fall back, therefore having to start all over again.
This leads to depression and angst.

I've been suffering it all my life, and it's something that everyone, as human beings, suffers from. Some maybe just have a better understanding of it and don't let it ruin their lives as much.

ie, I want to break free from:
-eating too much/too unhealthily
-smoking
-drinking
-getting myself into unhealthy relationships, romantically or socially
-jobs in which I have no interest in, don't fulfil my ambitions
-being too physically lazy
-thinking I have no real power over my fate/the future/the world
-'add yours here'

Is it down to genetics, mental capabilities, is it something you can actually train yourself into changing, or are some people just stuck with it?

I know I've been trying for years to change certain thought patterns, change the way I react to situations or problems that arise.
And although I think I might be veeery slowly changing, there are times when all that I have achieved is forgotten and I fall back.
It's like this duality in which at times I can see everything clearly and can actually control myself and do what I know is right, but the next day or even just a few moments later, this other weaker me takes over, which says, "ok you've done enough for today, lets give it a break", or "whats the point, you are never going to reach the goal anyway"
This has given way to health problems, and sometimes mental instability.

Nothing new, I know, this kind of problem has probably been discussed many times before.

But who of you has broken the cycle and can look back and say, I'm free!
What have you done to break the nasty habits and cruel thought patterns?
Do you think there are people who are more predisposed to being subject to these patterns, or contrarily, that are more capable of dealing with them?

reply to post by athousandlives


Interesting post, I have gotten myself out of a couple of vicious circles. One by divorce and the other turned out to eventually have consequence's that made it just not worth it anymore.

The only problem I have encountered when you seem to get yourself on the right track is you really start to notice how messed up people and the world really are, before I could have cared less about either.

Some people just like drama in there life I think.....even though they claim to hate it.

as they say...location, location, location.

All my current woes center around different aspects of location.

reply to post by Battleline


thanks for the reply,
Its true, I do realise as well now more than before, the same patterns in other people, and in the world in general.
Drama is what keeps the world spinning, I heard someone say.
I'm not going to lie, there are times when the drama feels comforting. Some would call it the Ego.
But what about when you want to break free from the drama, that's the difficult part we (I) have trouble with.

reply to post by NotAnAspie


Hi,
you mean physical location?
I have thought about it, and I'm sure there are things that might be resolved by packing your bags and moving. But having done that, I find that there are things you can't escape from. Problems and mental patterns follow you around. Not that easy to escape!

reply to post by athousandlives


We all engage in self-talk, some negative, some defeatist, some upbeat, etc. What helped me most was the effort to pay more attention to my self-talk and curb the first two types.

reply to post by athousandlives


What I have learned about myself anyway is that I had to give up the need to win and feel so damn good about it......if your good it can be habit forming.

In my experience there are only two ways to break out of a vicious circle.

A.) Dramatic and drastic action, i.e., quitting cold turkey, removing yourself completely and permanently from a situation, etc.

B.) Change the circle into a spiral, to ease yourself out of a situation.

When choosing A, you gotta have a lot of willpower, guts and serious bull-headedness. You have to be very consistent for around 3 weeks before it starts getting easier. It's my personal preference, but it takes extreme discipline, but the more you do it the easier it gets. I used to quit smoking for one month, every year or so, just to let my ego know that it wasn't in charge. BTW I rather enjoy smoking and have no desire to give it up permanently.


When choosing B, 'slow and steady wins the race.' Just focus on gradual improvement.This option may be better for things like improving your diet, etc.

Say you're trying to quit smoking, you just smoke a bit less every day until you can completely quit. When the urge hits you, you can use substitutions, like chewing gum, candy, etc. One of my favorites was simply taking a few deep breaths and telling myself how clean and pure that air was.

Substitutions can be a great help, just make sure you choose wisely, because if you're trying to get off drugs and you substitute alcohol, you may actually be worse off. One thing I've noticed is occasionally people substitute an emotional state or quality, and I've actually told folks, "Just go back to smoking! you were so much nicer then!"

reply to post by athousandlives


Well, my question to you OP is why do you want to make these changes? Is it out of peer pressure? Take smoking for instance, in the 80's and decades before few had an opinion on it. Then an agenda was put forth to treat adults as children, create a fear campaign that even to smell a cigarette it'll knock 10 years off your life and other blown out of proportion nonsense.

The point I am trying to make, the things that you keep going back to, are things you obviously enjoy and get satisfaction out of but want to change them out of feeling of guilt stemming from somewhere. No matter what a person does... they are destined to die, there is no escaping it there is no avoiding it nothing you can change or do to stop it in anyway, it can come at any time. Life is also short the older I get the quicker a decade seems to pass, seems like 4 years ago I turned 30, and I am being completely serious feels exactly like 4 years ago, I just turned 41. Life is short, it is your life... live it doing what makes you happy; sure if these things are causing real actual physical pain to someone else, then yes by all means try to change the destructive behavior. If it is mental suffering, that is not your problem unless who you are mentally hurting, have no choice to not be around it like children.

Other adults? Well, they can just get over it... if they can't understand that you are doing what makes you happy and it isn't physically harming anyone else, then have at it. Second hand smoke is hokum it is a convenience to the agenda that's against it... and the brainwashed masses happily follow suit to feel part of the herd, it's what people do. All choices you make should be your choice alone, not influenced or changed by another... if you live a life as such you will finally start living your life for you, and how you want to live and actually be very happy, imagine that. Of course many people think they have to ask for permission to live life how they want, as an adult that is your sole responsibility to decide, no one else's... this is also known as self actualization, of course this does not mean throw responsibility that you have created out the window... but if it is responsibility you do not want change it, if it happens to be kids yes many people don't plan for them... you've gone too far to live for you, drop the spite of them if any exist and take care of them it is your duty. When they are healthy well adjusted adults... then you'll get your second chance so embrace them and be patient... 18 years passes in the wink of an eye.

reply to post by BigBrotherDarkness


Hi, thanks for your reply,
no it isn't out of peer pressure, it's just that these things that I can't seem to escape are having a serious toll on my health, I have never before seen a doctor or had any serious problems, until this year that is, where I have been to my clinic 5 times, and have an upcoming hospital appointment.
Smoking is just one of the things that I'd like to quit, there are others which I haven't mentioned. And the examples I made are not all related to me.

But I do agree with you, life is short, and maybe I shouldn't be worrying too much.
But when I do think like that, and relax, I just make it worse, and go over the top sometimes, and then the guilt comes, that's the worse part!

I guess it's something I need to work on, enjoy life, but being more conscious, life is short and I definitely don't want to make it even shorter!


Thanks
peace

reply to post by athousandlives


Well, when you go "over the top" and feel guilt, where are those limits of a top coming from? If this were the 60's you'd be accused of having too many hangups, a square... of course there is some idea of yourself you have invented for an ideal you, and when you don't live up to these expectations you have of yourself or from those of others you feel guilty about indulging... the mind creates it's own hell, so in your struggle to get to your self ideal, don't forget to pack extra compassion and understanding for yourself, the road there will be much easier.

usually when i'm stuck in a circle, I try to remind myself that the only way out of a circle is OUT of the circle. Keep walking in the same circle, the path meets up with itself, the way out of the circle is not, OUT of the circle.
The way I usually escape circles is by squares. Squares are so much easier to get out of, each vertex is basically a point of escape. But, they can be tricky too because the squares also meet back with themselves, so I do myself another solid and from the base of the square to the top of the square, I make a line, then I completely disregard the square and the circle, and since this is an actual line and not a phantasmagorphic line which goes on forever (if it did, it would be almost like a circle, cause it would eventually meet up with itself...assuming we are talking about a line that is being walked on the earth) but a normal line with a start point and an end point, then I simply walk the line, until I get to the end point.... and then I jump off.

reply to post by 3OGRE3


At first I thought you were just trolling, but after rereading it a few times, it actually made (metaphysical) sense.
And it reminded me of this


so, thanks

now i just have to find the courage to jump off, once I reach the end of the line.