help!

winofiend
I saw a meme the other day and for once it made sense and was not mocking.

Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it, it's probably crap.

ROFL!!!
Quote by Confucius?

reply to post by sparky31


Being in love with someone, being loved by someone, enough to start a relationship with them, is supposed to be a freeing experience, not a restraint around your neck. A couple should support one another, and uphold one another, and that love and support is supposed to fill both parts of such a union with strength and power, confidence and serenity. When two people come together, they will undoubtedly have their own groups of friends that they have had since well before they came together as one, and under good circumstances, these groups too, should combine, in unified support of the couple.

If your lady has SUCH issues that seeing old buddies causes friction, then perhaps you should consider whether or not the relationship is actually healthy, for EITHER of you. It does you no favors to be cut off from your support network (group of longstanding friends and connections), and it does your lady no good to allow her to use her insecurities to control you. This is how co-dependency evolves, and that is to be avoided at all costs. If you allow your relationship with this woman, to take you away from people who have cared for you and supported you in the past, then this will merely make it easier for you to be controlled in the future.

Now, I am sure that your lady bears you no ill will what so ever, but if her intention toward you is as it should be, she would not wish for you to be without the support of the people who helped shape the man she loves. It may however, be impossible for her to recognise that this is the result of her behavior toward you. Every situation is unique, and I would not pretend for a second to know precisely what you are dealing with right now, but in a scenario containing the same parameters, I would be of a mind to lay down the law to this woman, explain that your friends and you come as a package, and she can either accept the fact and get along with them, or that this relationship will have to end, because you are unprepared to go about your life, cut off from the characters who have been the linchpin of your existence.

This may result in something that I like to call "The Emo Whine", which often consists of the insecure person in the relationship freaking out, casting accusations at will, like "You obviously never loved me! You are picking your FRIENDS over MEEEE!!!! BAAWWWWWW!!!!" or the most melodramatic turn of phrase I have ever heard "Well thanks, now I am going to drown myself in my own tears! *SFX: Slamming door*". Now, at this point, you can either decide "The hell with this, time for a beer!" and leave the relationship, or you can try and battle through for this woman, to get her to face her insecurities, get the therapy she obviously needs, and try and maintain the relationship through that difficult period, knowing that at the other end of this process, the relationship will be more solid, and both of you will be more confident, her in terms of her having discarded the negative self image that has obviously lead to this drama in the first place, and you in knowing that your woman loves and trusts you, and is happy to interact with all the aspects of your life, including your friends.

What ever you decide, and however you end up dealing with this, I wish you the very best possible luck. I have been in a similar position before, getting accused by a woman I was with, of sleeping with my best friend, despite the fact that my besty (who is a girl who has been described in such stirring terms as "That random metal chick") and I are of the opinion that any such activity on our part would feel like incest, and be what we can only describe as "icky". I know it is not easy. I was forced by other factors to leave that relationship, since the woman in question was having her neurosis FED by her family, who were, unfortunately, utterly and terminally insane, which meant that no significant progress could have been made, due to the interference of her folks.

As I said. Best of luck!

Asktheanimals
You're miserable, she's miserable.
So what good is this relationship?
NONE.
Get out.
Now.
Waiting is wasting your life.

I'm in 100% agreement with what was stated above. When I knew a relationship wasn't going anywhere I would break it off, not just because it was on the rocks but because you never want to waste your life or another persons. Time is too valuable to let it get absorbed by misery and self inflicted wounds.

reply to post by sparky31



sparky31

There are some good answers here in this thread to your original post.

Agree with many of them. You are not in this for an insecure woman. I have said this very thing to a number of woman with various insecurities. I've told them I do not have time or the interest to jump through hoops for an insecure woman.

Insecure women are " High Maintenance."

This woman appears to be some kind of control freak.

Ask yourself a simple question. What is it that you are getting which is so valuable from this woman that you cannot get more or better from another? Is she sitting on the only one in town?

What it appears to me that she is attempting to do is overlay her requirements or maintenance needs over yours and have you take care of both her needs as well as yours...double duty.

The commodity that a good woman brings to a male...is Peace..not Piece. This is a woman who will never be able to bring a man or male..Peace.

Her Maintenance costs in insecurity will only increase with time..not decrease as she attempts to put more and more of them onto you.

This is control a control high maintenance freak disguised as weakness and insecurity. It will only make you miserable.

You are supposed to work tirelessly to "Rescue" her from her fears and insecurities...weaknesses. Understand now??

This is why you need to cut the strings...or tell her face to face...point blank..bluntly..that you do not have time or interest in her insecurities being projected onto you.
You need a secure woman..not an insecure or controlling one using her insecurities to control you.

You also dont let a woman control you by threatening suicide...
She is showing that she is a weak link..but using and misuing this to control you. Once again you need a strong woman...with backbone not drama. If she will do this to you she will do this with another male and not just you. Most likely this is learned behavior..meaning she has done this before.

A good woman looks into a mans soul and sees what is missing from his life and learns to fill this need.

By doing this ..a good woman can put a man on a drug for which he never wants to get off this very powerful drug.
Very few women know this secret anymore. So too...very few men as well...so how would the women know?? They often just substitute drama games for being a good woman.
This woman is repelling you away from her. Not putting you on a drug like a good woman...by filling what is missing from your life.

What you have here is the very opposite..of a good woman.

Hope this helps.

Orangetom

sparky31

luckly we don,t have place together cause i,ve always held back from that,tho she is trying for us to get house,i know i should walk but i feel guilty to do that,i know in heart there is no way i am going to move in with this woman but on other hand i feel guilt to walk cause i don,t want to hurt her.

It is time to move on. And it is good you feel guilty about it, it shows you have a heart and are aware of the effect your choices have on other people. It is ok to feel a bit guilty about it but you are in fact being emotionally abused. The only relationship advice that you need to know is " if it will cheat with you it will eventually cheat on you. "

thanks everyone for the advice,its always helpful to get other peoples views on things like this cause sometimes i,ve thought to myself am i the one being an arse over this?i,ll certainly take all advice on board