Father forces son to hold pink ‘I am a bully’ sign on Texas highway

I guess I can confess that I to was a bully back when I was around 10, being the tallest had its benefits. Then when my mother caught wind of what I was doing, she made sure me and the belt/wooden spoon got acquainted :p after that no more bullying, just straight A's.

I commend this father for doing what he did. I don't understand why some people are chewing him up on it. Let the kid be taught at an early age before it leads to something more serious!

-BmwSauber

FlySolo
reply to post by eletheia

 

When folks confuse "punishment" for bulling, that's when we have a problem. Yikes!

No confusion from me I believe in 'punishment' and not bullying, as you will

see from an earlier post of mine.

However an earlier post by 'Freeborn' says it all for me quote :-

"There's a fine line between punishment/humiliation/and educating"

Instead of shaping you can harden.......

cody599

eletheia

doobydoll

eletheia



Does it surprise me that the boy is a bully?? No because his father

is a BULLY

You could not have got a firmer parent than me, and YES he should have

been punished, but in a manner that would go in some way to recompense

the victim of his bullying.

Not as the father was doing being the 'bigger' bully. The example the

father is setting is that the boy will now wait till he is bigger and stronger than

his father and he can then proceed to bully him!

You don't know that.

The kid could be bullying for any reason, it could be that he got in with the wrong kids and learned it from them, mimicked their behaviour to 'fit in' or impress them. Maybe this kid is an angel at home and only misbehaves at school/with friends, I know some kids who are exactly like this.

But I'm betting this kid will think twice about bullying again.

Punishment should fit the crime and teach the perpetrator the error of their
ways?

How will this do so? the boy holds up a sign on a highway for random adults to
view the majority probably unaware who he is or even caring!

Surely a better tactic would have been a 'get together' with a group of his peers
and classmates including the 'victim/s' and to make an apology for his behaviour,
reasons for why he felt the need to bully/humiliate, discuss the results of
his actions on his victim/s. More of a 'humbling experience' of himself before his
peers rather than an attempt at humiliation in front of 'random strangers??'

As for 'thinking twice' about bulling again ... he will just become more adept
at concealing it and carry on. After all his best example is his father!!

edit on 5-10-2013 by eletheia because: (no reason given)

What a load of rubbish

Touchy feely liberal bollocks, sorry, but that really is the reason kids are so brazen

"Let's all sit down and talk about it"

I was bullied at school for a short while, and rest assured, me beating the living hell out of my bully was a lot more effective than a comfy chat with tea and cucumber sandwiches.

Jeez a guy makes his son embarrassed in front of a load of strangers he'll probably never see again, BIG DEAL, the kid will remember that, for sure.

I'm guessing it worked

Could you pass the sandwiches please I have a potential murderer here, and I think some tea might help.

Cody

Lol ...Lol...Lol ... Funny that, I've just credited you with one of the best replies

IMO on the thread >>>


"There's a fine line between punishment/humiliation/and educating"


SORRY my mistake! it was 'Freeborn's' reply and not yours

reply to post by goou111


I bet it works.

When I was a kid, my father took me into a bank, whereupon I proceeded to pick my nose (obviously in public). My father was quite displeased.

After we went home, he had me write about 250 times on notebook paper "I will not pick my nose in public."

Then, that night or the next we went out to eat. He safety pinned those dang things to my shirt and made me walk inside.

Needless to say, I never picked my nose in public again.

Back to the OP, you go dad.

reply to post by eletheia


You are confused when making the distinction. The father was not bullying his son to stand there, he was punishing him. Humiliation in the form of bullying is done out of malice and is intended to gain support from peers. That's what bullying is. However, humiliation on its own is derived from the word "humility" which is meant to "humble". There is absolutely nothing wrong with being humble and that is exactly what that father is trying to teach. Saying otherwise is just plain wrong and if you think tea and crumpets with a little group hug is enough to cause humility, you're going to be in for a fantastic surprise. If you really wanted to go down that road of "new age schooling" then you make him stand there feeling humble then make him go shake the other kids hand and apologize. Done. Never happens again.

reply to post by Liquesence



I bet you had a good finger dig when you got home though.

Oh come on, the father accomplished several things with this:

1. Specifically made the point that bullying is not ok to his son.
2. Actually engaged personally with his son's life to even notice #1 to begin with.
3. Actually engaged personally with his son's life to participate in the creative punishment, more than just WHACK!
4. Arranged a punishment which is going to be utterly frackin hilarious in six months never mind in six years, never mind in sixty years, for that boy. Even telling the story will be a never-ending source of humor especially to others.

Now, really humiliating the kid would have been doing something IN SCHOOL, ok? That's what would ruin someone. But on the highway? The kid is
a. Not up close to any of the witnesses
b. Is unlikely to know any of them or ever see any of them again
So it manages to be a "public ego" issue and yet, not a horribly up-close sort.

I actually think it was pretty great. I've heard of parents making their kids wear T-shirts to school, I think this is better. And had he physically punished him, it would have been much more physical bullying on his part which would kind of seem like an irony, so this seems a very passive alternative to me.

Also, he knows the kid. Some kids are utterly unmoved by certain punishments, but very affected by other things, so maybe he was choosing something he thought would work is all.

Of course, the news coverage kind of ruined it, that gets it way out of hand in several ways...

Good god, talk it out? Look, Ward Cleaver, playing the diplomat in childhood doesn't generally work out, it typically means someone's arse is just going to get kicked a little later than anticipated. It's a band-aid that doesn't solve the issue. That issue can be anything from a true natural desire to dominate by any means necessary, to general chest-thumping, to misdirected venting of anger/rage, to mental issues. If it's not the latter 2, which need real intervention and not hippie-dippy-let's-love-one-another-here's-a-daisy horsecrap, then they can be dealt with with appropriate consequences depending on what was done by the bully.
Verbal taunting/abuse? Maybe standing on a street corner isn't so bad, considering the offense. It certainly would give a bully time to think about what a craptacular snot s/he was to the victim. Perhaps cap that off with a visit to a mental health wing to see what how that could potentially end up affecting their victim. Physical bullying (beating up) could be punished with the same, but I doubt it would be as effective as something more representative of the future, such as one of those lovely tours of prisons they give to some kids. If the kid has a habit of severely beating the victim to the point of serious injury, then obviously jail time would be warranted, and coroner visits to see the outcomes of beatings deaths would be appropriate.

To say a kid needs to be coddled because they're bullying is asinine, and irresponsible. They need appropriate consequences, and that ranges from time to be a little embarrassed & contemplative, to seeing what could really happen to them & the victim if they keep that sh*t up. Mollycoddling doesn't solve it.

eletheia

4th grader is what I believe he is, that is 11 years old? How come he has reached

the ripe old age of 11 years to learn that bullying is not appropriate behaviour?

The father being so appalled at his bullying should have picked it up earlier,

and corrected it then. Bullying is learned behaviour at a much earlier age,

usually kindergarten stage. Hmmmn......Wonder where he picked it up from?

It's not something one picks up overnight!

I thought he was about 8 or 9 years old. But even at 11 this boy is still just a little kid. His dad is in the process of teaching his son his behaviour is unacceptable.

Maybe his dad did pick up on it earlier and this punishment is a result of many past fruitless 'discussions'? Or maybe this is the first time and he thinks the lad deserves this punishment because he's old enough to know better? Perhaps this and maybe that and cudda wudda shudda. Who knows?

Bullying isn't always learned at a much younger age as you state, and many start this behaviour after seeing older kids doing it in or out of school, they want to be like the older kids. Bullying is learned in school.

Just my opinion so hey-ho.

FlySolo
reply to post by eletheia

 

You are confused when making the distinction. The father was not bullying his son to stand there, he was punishing him. Humiliation in the form of bullying is done out of malice and is intended to gain support from peers. That's what bullying is. However, humiliation on its own is derived from the word "humility" which is meant to "humble". There is absolutely nothing wrong with being humble and that is exactly what that father is trying to teach. Saying otherwise is just plain wrong and if you think tea and crumpets with a little group hug is enough to cause humility, you're going to be in for a fantastic surprise. If you really wanted to go down that road of "new age schooling" then you make him stand there feeling humble then make him go shake the other kids hand and apologize. Done. Never happens again.

I have to tell you I am far from confused and I do know the meaning of
humiliation. The father has taught him nothing more than * Don't get caught
and * and don't get on the 'wrong side of me!'

Hey ... if you think I'm into all this 'new age' and 'group hugs' etc. your
wrong
If you have read any of my posts you will see that I am more of the old school
'spare the rod and spoil the child' and I don't believe in bribing them to do the
right thing,they do what's right because its right and not because they've been
cajoled, bribed or bought.

It's too late for me to get the "fantastic surprise" you think I'm due as I have
already brought up three girls, and ((not without them being punished)
who have never been any trouble, who are well liked, good solid citizens in the
community, so I think I must have got it right some where along the line?

reply to post by doobydoll





Lol... You've obviously never been to a pre school play group? Watch the little
ones (under 5's) and the parents (mostly mothers I agree)

Notice the little chancers grabbing toys off others, and the parent who ignores
that behaviour, and the parent who intervenes tells them it's wrong and diffuses
the situation.
An unsteady 15 month old trying to mount a ride along toy and having an older
steady on foot child slip on and ride off leaving the other on the floor.
That is the beginning of learning, they should already have the hang of sharing,
not grabbing, taking things, not hurting by the time they start school and by the
time they are 11 years or even 8 years they should be 'well aware' of good and
bad behaviour. Most often they are aware but do it anyway.

I have even watched a three year old pinch a younger toddler while watching
to make sure her mother was not looking and when the younger one cried
the other one was gone!

Very young children are very aware and knowing and it is very interesting to,
to see parental reaction - those that are mortified that their children can, and
those who don't believe they can

reply to post by eletheia

The father has taught him nothing more than * Don't get caught
and * and don't get on the 'wrong side of me!'

What's wrong with that? By the time they grow up and move out they'll already be conditioned/programmed/trained or whatever word you like, to know that bullying or anything which is considered unacceptable will not be tolerated in society. What they do with that information afterwards is their responsibility, you've done yours.

I've put the fear into my boy once and he never spoke back to me again. His respect for me actually went up. And get this, I've only been a father for 6 months while his non-confrontational mother had him for 17 years.

It's too late for me to get the "fantastic surprise" you think I'm due as I have
already brought up three girls, and ((not without them being punished)
who have never been any trouble, who are well liked, good solid citizens

Then that's good. You're one of the lucky ones.

reply to post by FlySolo





No I wasn't 'Lucky' I worked damned hard for that.

As for putting the fear of god in them >> No they don't fear me, they respect me

eletheia
reply to post by doobydoll

 

Lol... You've obviously never been to a pre school play group? Watch the little
ones (under 5's) and the parents (mostly mothers I agree)

Notice the little chancers grabbing toys off others, and the parent who ignores
that behaviour, and the parent who intervenes tells them it's wrong and diffuses
the situation.
An unsteady 15 month old trying to mount a ride along toy and having an older
steady on foot child slip on and ride off leaving the other on the floor.
That is the beginning of learning, they should already have the hang of sharing,
not grabbing, taking things, not hurting by the time they start school and by the
time they are 11 years or even 8 years they should be 'well aware' of good and
bad behaviour. Most often they are aware but do it anyway.

I have even watched a three year old pinch a younger toddler while watching
to make sure her mother was not looking

and when the younger one cried
the other one was gone!

Very young children are very aware and knowing and it is very interesting to,
to see parental reaction - those that are mortified that their children can, and
those who don't believe they can

Of course I've been to playgroups, I myself have 3 grown-up kids whom have never been in trouble. But you're talking about normal baby behaviour when they 'take' from other babies, this isn't bullying. Bullying is an intentional conscious act of malice. Babies learning to play, communicate and interact with others at playschools is a natural developmental stage, not the beginnings of bullying.

According to your statement above, ALL babies are guilty of bullying until they're stopped, which is a ridiculous thing to say.

reply to post by eletheia


no the father is doing the right thing.

adolescents go through a stage where they find out how powerful they are.
the only wat to communicate with them is the use of greater power.

reply to post by eletheia

No I wasn't 'Lucky' I worked damned hard for that.

As for putting the fear of god in them >> No they don't fear me, they respect me

Not trying to minimize your efforts but others work hard too and don't get the results they want. It really depends on the kid.

My kid doesn't fear me, he just knows I trump him as the Alpha male. What the other poster mentioned is right, kids need to know who's boss. They need to know who's more powerful because they test. Right out of the gate they test you and I learned that very quickly.

spirited75
reply to post by eletheia

 

no the father is doing the right thing.

adolescents go through a stage where they find out how powerful they are.
the only wat to communicate with them is the use of greater power.

SORRY 'spirited' The posts are all coming at me at once and I misread your post
for another.

I am trying to do half a dozen things at once so I will get back to all he replies
in a bit ...

reply to post by eletheia


That's false. Watch the video this time.

doobydoll

eletheia
reply to post by doobydoll

 

Lol... You've obviously never been to a pre school play group? Watch the little
ones (under 5's) and the parents (mostly mothers I agree)

Notice the little chancers grabbing toys off others, and the parent who ignores
that behaviour, and the parent who intervenes tells them it's wrong and diffuses
the situation.
An unsteady 15 month old trying to mount a ride along toy and having an older
steady on foot child slip on and ride off leaving the other on the floor.
That is the beginning of learning, they should already have the hang of sharing,
not grabbing, taking things, not hurting by the time they start school and by the
time they are 11 years or even 8 years they should be 'well aware' of good and
bad behaviour. Most often they are aware but do it anyway.

I have even watched a three year old pinch a younger toddler while watching
to make sure her mother was not looking

and when the younger one cried
the other one was gone!

Very young children are very aware and knowing and it is very interesting to,
to see parental reaction - those that are mortified that their children can, and
those who don't believe they can

Of course I've been to playgroups, I myself have 3 grown-up kids whom have never been in trouble. But you're talking about normal baby behaviour when they 'take' from other babies, this isn't bullying. Bullying is an intentional conscious act of malice. Babies learning to play, communicate and interact with others at playschools is a natural developmental stage, not the beginnings of bullying.

According to your statement above, ALL babies are guilty of bullying until they're stopped, which is a ridiculous thing to say.

I think you are being deliberately obtuse. Your posts are nit picking repetitive
and going round in circles.

I never said babies/toddlers were bullying I was simply making 'observations' on
their natural behaviour.

Babies learning to interact with other babies as you say, is natural
development. Yes ... and if they get what they want by banging another over the
head, it is also natural that they will continue to use this tactic to get what they
want unless they are stopped. It is also human nature that if you 'get away' with
something, chances are that you will do it again, and again, and again ....not
exactly rocket science!

Everything from birth is developmental - and early intervention can and does
change behaviour, I suppose that's how we become civilised rather than savages?

I must admit that i find it strange that there seems to be a discussion on here about whether the father disciplined the child in the right way.

Just bear in mind that the vast majority of modern day parents wouldn't have actually done anything, unless it was their child who was being bullied. The father should be commended for making the effort, whether the method he used was right or wrong.