All of this, is, in a way, on topic, though, for the OP is about someone who was struggling with sexuality and appearance....and we cannot deny that
both of these factors about a person are hugely important to self image. We may be beautiful on the inside, but if no one ever desires to get close
enough to begin with to get to know you.....then the isolation and loneliness effect one's self image. This is hard to live with, as you have
demonstrated, yourself, through reactions you've gotten and your struggle to lose weight, which is an inspiring story, I might add.
But it sounds like you've had the benefit of this not affecting your ability to have and sustain relationships....some are not that lucky or able to
deal with it.
Appreciate your comments.
Well, you know, I wasn't always so lucky. First ex used me for her two degrees at George Mason University that I paid for by pouring beers. Second
ex used me to leave England, have a child, and then take the child back to the UK illegally and definitely against my wishes. I paid for all of this
through phase 2 of my career, computer programming. You see, your assertion that many women simply are looking for a provider, well, yes, I can
attest to that. I learned it from my father. It's how he showed his love. The only way. And to me, providing is a HUGE way that is natural for me
to show love and affection. It's something I've had to learn to balance.
My wife today is an incredible person. She could have had any single man she wanted. Beautiful, smart, tons of common sense, business acumen, a
wonderful cook, fearless. When I describe her to people, I often get the physical feedback from folks that they really don't believe me. Oh well,
c'est la vie. I go home to the truth every single night. All because she was somehow able to see me for who I really am.
A huge aspect of finding each other, was through our open and quite honest communication with each other. She had been through two failed marriages
as well. Both of her exes cheated on her. I'm shaking my head as I write this, because oh my lord was that foolish of them. So, we laid out clearly
and plainly to each other who we both were, what our experiences were, what we wanted, and what we didn't want.
I personally think that alot of relationships fail because people are not honest with themselves first. About themselves, their needs, and how they
are in a relationship. My wife and I realized rather early on exactly how we complimented each other. We accept that, and lean on it. It supports
us in our relationship as a family with our daughter.
My first two marriages, I genuinely believe were hexxed from the beginning. I am rather emotional as far as most men are concerned. Two positive
poles of different magnets are going to repel each other. My wife is an extremely cool headed woman. Not much for PDAs, shows her love rather than
says it. Almost masculine, wouldn't you say? We compliment each other that way. I believe this is how her previous two marriages were doomed as
well, too. Besides the idiots cheating on her.
Off topic, sure. But any conversation morphs and twists. It's human nature.
EDIT : with regards to attractiveness, first of all, I read somewhere the other day that we are actually perceived as 20% more attractive than we
feel. Interesting factoid. Also, with regards to men looking at a woman's breasts and not into her eyes upon talking...well, truthfully, it doesn't
have to be a stunning woman to cause this to happen. Men look at *everything* with the intention of a "yes" or a "no". And we consider everything
Also, with regards to attraction...I am honest in saying that even if my wife's appearance were to change, I would still be madly in love with her.
If she suddenly gained a massive amount of weight. Became disfigured. Anything. One of the first photos I ever saw of here was of her consoling a
five year old nephew of hers. That photo captured part of her soul. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on. I truly believe that
was the ledge I fell off of when I fell in love with her.
edit on 5-10-2013 by SadistNocturne because: (no reason given)