posted on Oct, 6 2013 @ 08:24 PM
It's harder because of you not having witnessed it personally.
A long time ago, one of my best friends from high school got married, right out of school. She and her husband and I were very close, and I spent half
my time at their house. His mother was rich and he didn't work, and they went through various phases including one where they played poker for a
living (seriously). Her husband liked to drink on weekends and one day made a huge pass at me. I didn't take it seriously, he'd been drinking and
they'd been arguing, and I told him to get his # together and knock it off. I didn't tell her, why would I, first it would mean that my friendship
with her was at an end because she was never away from him, and second it would mess up their relationship which I didn't want to do. I figured he
was just not thinking clearly and I'd let it slide.
About a year later, he made another major pass at me, sober this time. I told him I would never do that to a friend, a friend I'd take a bullet for
no less, that he was a jerk for even asking not only because of her but because of me, and that for him even to consider must mean he thought she was
stupid or something, so WTH was he thinking? I was so mad and he apologized for it and I thought that was the end of it. I mean, I was close to them,
so I assumed it was simply that I was there and we were close, and I didn't take it to mean this was his nature globally or anything, just that
sometimes familiarity breeds problems with boundaries.
Years later, just before their 10th anniversary, one day out of the blue (literally) he told her that you know, he really kinda hated her now, and was
leaving, and oh by the way, he'd been having a relationship with one of her best friends from college for some time now. To say she was blindsided
was an understatement. She was devastated. It nearly wrecked her utterly, health-wise. Three months later he returned and said sorry, what was he
thinking. She took him back. Another three months later he said, well you know when I told you I didn't want kids all these years, turns out she's
pregnant and I've changed my mind, I'm going back to her. And that was that.
I'm pretty sure the reason I'm not in prison for killing him is that I was half a continent away and didn't find out until six months later.
And for years now, I've felt guilty. What if I'd told her? Would she have been more savvy to the risk, to the probability, if she'd known he tried
something with her good friend - twice? Is it possible that she let him spend a lot more time with her friend because she never dreamed such a thing
was a risk? Is it possible that in my not wanting to hurt her, and hurt their relationship, and hurt the one between she and I as well, that I just
set her up for being a lot more blindsided by his behavior later?
I don't know what the right thing to do was, even now.
As for your friend's vacation, maybe he was just kind of getting something out of his system. I think sometimes people feel a little bit constrained,
and they go a little crazy when they suddenly feel temporarily free, but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't want their relationship anymore.
On the other hand, if he was genuinely lying about it during the event, and going *in public* with another woman -- that seems like a really bad
indicator to me...