Do you ever feel like you don't fit in your body?

Advantage
We all like to feel special OP... its ingrained in us from birth. Its when you realize you are nothing special and stop seeking validation for your need to feel special... that you can really move in the world and see how truly amazing WE are. Go macro rather than micro

I don't think the OP was trying to say she was special.

To OP yes I have felt like this. I see my body / personality self as separate from me, in a way.

It is like there is an intelligence behind my earth mind that watches --- that is me.

The body/ mind is the instrument that the real ' me' uses to navigate this life.

People and life as we humans live it [ currently ] is absurd - so yes I feel that alot too. Humans think that if society regards something as a ' truth' or a ' norm' or ' justice' then that it is .

That of cause is not true - consensus opinion does not make something the truth.

Mahatma Gandhi - "Truth is one, paths are many."

Consensus - 'truths' ; 'norms' are used by the PTB to control all of us hence the MSM machine.

Puzzuzu
I'm curious to know if this feeling of separation from reality/disassociation/ feeling out of place in your body and the world has increased recently, which has lead you to create this thread? I ask this because for the last 4-6 days I've felt the feeling of separation/disconnection increase.

That's interesting as like I said in one of my comments here, I was on the cusp of creating a thread just like this; even though I had had this feeling for most, if not all of my life; it is just now or recently that I felt the urge to create a thread about it. Well, luckily enough, once was created.

Puzzuzu
Also, I've never been through anything extremely traumatic that could cause dissociation...although I've considered the possibility of myself being abducted and my mind has disconnected to compartmentalize the memories (might sound crazy, but this is the place for it, no?)

I'm seeing a psychologist atm and from what I can tell trauma can be something really simple and yet still cause problems down the line.

For instance, you're a little kid and you've been playing with your Lego all day trying to make something really cool to show your Dad when he gets home from work. When he does get home, you're so excited to show him but he says not now mate and then heads to the TV with a beer cause he's had a # of a day. Now the adult you looking back thinks, "well that's not so bad, I know that feeling after a tough day at work" but the child you is deeply hurt because it meant SO much to you.

Now that is only one example of so many possible not-so-traumatic experiences that can over time lead to disorders that relate to PTSD or some other trauma based disorder.

I hope that helps mate.

Astrocyte
reply to post by Puzzuzu

 

The Dalai Lama is constantly traveling. He is subject to stresses far greater than any of ours - I can assure you...The Dalai Lama has every reason plus some for feeling disembodied. But he isn't. He isn't because he has attained autonomy over himself, and in doing so, has allowed himself to experience his bodies energies.

All of us are able to overcome dissociation.

The wisdom of yoga is that it recognizes the bodies centrality in feeling alive. Want to feel more relaxed and calm? Get to practicing yoga.

It seems then that life can be # a lot of the time, we all endure pain, suffering...bad things happening; sometimes it is relative but still we all need to embrace that life will deal us bad cards at times and there's no stopping that so in the end, what we need to focus on is how we deal with said stressors and learn how to deal with them in a healthy manner instead of simply dissociating so that the next lot of stressors don't build up. It's a bit like meditation; the key is to allow the thoughts to enter and exit without holding onto them, don't try to stop the thoughts because that is futile, just like trying to eliminate stressors in everyday life.

You mention Yoga a lot, I'm a bit hesitant to attend a Yoga class as I am a rather large guy but it is something I do want to do soon enough because you're not the only one who tells me it really is fantastic!

reply to post by Astrocyte


Thank you very much for your comment. I have been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist, the former for therapy and the latter to monitor my medication.

Like I said in one of my comments before, fast forward from about 4 months ago and I am much better (not perfect, but much better); while I still have dark days and thoughts, for the most part they are fewer and the magnitude of the thoughts has decreased, and by magnitude, I mean the severity of the thoughts.

I have read a book by Eckhart Tolle called "The Power of Now" and I have three more of his books which I am yet to read. My psychologist has also suggested books to read but I am waiting to have enough money for a tablet so that I can purchase them all onto that.

You pointed out that dissociation is normal but not being able to come back to the self isn't. The nickname I have here was really a joke on society and the Pink Floyd track, perhaps there was something more to choosing the nickname that came deep from within my subconscious...who knows? Though I do have the ability to joke and laugh and connect with people on very deep levels, however more personal relationships aren't quite the same but I think that might even be an "only child" thing.

Thank you very much for your posts in this thread to date, I have read them all and found them rather interesting. I added you as a friend here on ATS because I think in some respect we have a similar take on things and I am truly interested in the mind; I feel there is so much more to be researched.

reply to post by cappy85


I know exactly what you are describing. I don't think I've ever felt that I look like who I really am. It's more than a philosophy. It's a true feeling of being displaced or not properly represented. Hard to explain.

On the other hand I have experienced derealization at times since an early age. The feeling that I'm no longer real, or am outside of myself in a dream or watching a movie. Apparently this is the "loss of ego" many truth seekers are after.. yet it's mostly terrifying and cause for anxiety for me personally.

reply to post by cappy85

Well really this current body we have is very temporary as is this current life, the real us is spirit. If you don't fall into the worlds traps of popularity and latest fads, then that is good, that probably says that you are spiritually mature beyond others.
God created you in his image, that I think means your spirit moreso than your physical body. The real life is the one after we leave the matrix of this physical dimension we currently are reside in. Why are we here now? To learn and prove ourselves, maybe to gain a level of rank and gifts for the real life after this.

HelenConway
To OP yes I have felt like this. I see my body / personality self as separate from me, in a way.

It is like there is an intelligence behind my earth mind that watches --- that is me.

The body/ mind is the instrument that the real ' me' uses to navigate this life.

People and life as we humans live it [ currently ] is absurd - so yes I feel that alot too. Humans think that if society regards something as a ' truth' or a ' norm' or ' justice' then that it is .

That of cause is not true - consensus opinion does not make something the truth.

I think your ideas here are right. We are spiritual minds but we are involved with physical humanity. Our human mind is just a convention, a set up or a context in which we live. It has a purpose but it is only a concept in the way matter is a concept. We live in a concept made visible by physical matter.

My feeling on my current existence is:
I'd want a sports car, I'd think a sports car would be much more fun, if I had any choice that's what I'd get. Going fast and tearing around with all the roads ahead of me already nicely paved seems like a pretty sweet deal.

But nope. That's not what I get. Instead I'm handed a beat-up scrappy little rusty-ass work truck with a few holes in the floorboard and leaving a faint trail of burnt oil exhaust. And that's all I'll get. No keys for anything better that I'm aware of. And for some reason it feels like I'm expected to use it like an old work truck doing crap you wouldn't want to get near in a nicer vehicle. It's not like I don't try to get out of doing stuff I'd rather not, but the universe has this way of making things more tricky and difficult half the time.

But hey, a crap vehicle is still better than no vehicle. Walking or cycling doesn't seem to be an option in this regard, so make do with what ya got.

The other trick is when you're given a crap vehicle, you eventually tend not to care about the dents, scrapes, and dings so much. You eventually have to adopt an almost cavalier attitude to those things, short of anything that might cause a complete break-down. You learn to accept them as building character. As some wise ones have said before, "keep on keeping on."

ChuckNasty
Maybe it's me, but I'm sure majority of people on this planet can be diagnosed with a 'mental illness' of some sort. To jump to conclusions & insist a person needs professional help seems to be the norm.

But sometimes, just understanding that a person's feeling isn't unique or abnormal helps a ton....without the need for therapy and/or meds (no, don't think anyone here recommended meds). (For some reason, the way homosexual's were labeled in the past comes to mind

)

People just need to connect - this site is proof.

To Cappy - hope you work things out, regardless of the method.

Psychiatry can sometimes be of practical use but I mistrust it sometimes. The problem is that when people are labeled - manic-depressive, bipolar etc. - power is being taken away from them: they are defined in terms of a syndrome that seems abstract and outside of them. Likewise with people who are told they have a chemical imbalance, their power to change is diminished because they are seen as hapless victims of chemicals.

What people need is to be empowered, to be told that they themselves can change by changing their thinking and by making an effort to integrate and harmonize with the world. Telling them they are victims of syndromes or chemicals tends to take power and hope away from them.

Note: there is disagreement in the medical profession about chemical imbalances - does a person's mental condition create the chemical imbalance or does the imbalance cause the condition? Either way helping the person in practical terms is the best way.

reply to post by EnPassant



See, this is where it becomes tricky. I wish this were a white or black situation, but it's neither. You choose a position based upon how much risk is involved.

There is a danger that giving labels to people somewhat "esotericizes" the thing they are dealing with. The name projects some magical aura. They feel haunted, constricted, and imperilled by it.

At the same time, have some diagnostic criteria helps clinicians understand the specific kinds of disorder. For example, knowing depression is something different from hearing voices allows us to treat these subjects as two different forms of mental sickness. We therefore must make the distinction if we are to help those people who are dealing with it and need informed and responsible assistance.

So, while, undoubtedly, the game has gotten absurd, and a DSM which described diseases like OCD, PTSD, Depression, Schizophrenia, Bi Polar, Narcissistic disorder, social personality disorder, etc, makes sense, one which includes common childhood behaviors like temper tantrums and manic behavior should be called ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) and Childhood Bi Polar Disorder, has gone overboard. There are many books that have come out in the last year (The book of Woe; Back to Normal; Saving Normal, to name 3) decrying the direction psychiatry is going in essentially turning normal human behaviour into a clinical disorder.

The mind is still a mystery to us. Diagnostic terms are very useful for clinicians and researchers. But patients should not get too hung up on them.

reply to post by comfortablynumb

to come back to the self isn't

Yes. Too much dissociation, or, rather, pathological dissociation, is when you need to look for help.

And yes, unfortunately, those of us who have experienced long-term dissociation feels like being isolated from the self. It is an excruciatingly painful experience. This can occur via developmental trauma, shock trauma, or can be a bi-product of a major depression (called dissociative disorder). Those with developmental trauma are usually less disordered and unstable than someone with dissociative disorder (who deals with a far more intense state of dissociation).

BUT, it IS possible to come back.

I was reading a book on China today called "Wealth and Power" (it's a political science/history book). There's an adage found in the Temple of the Sun in China which says "To feel humiliated is to approach courage".

There's no greater humiliation than isolation from the self. You're chronically stressed; chronically awkward; and experience waves of chronic shame. But, all you need do is internalize this adage. You must understand that the experience of humiliation and demoralization is experientially (and psychodynamically) involved in the act of courage. Imagine it as Yin and Yang. The black of humiliation has a white spot: courage. Through that white spot you are able to build yourself a new world.

Keep on reading. Whatever you're dealing with, or have dealt with, can be mollified through self knowledge (and the medication your doctor is prescribing you). If at a future time, years down the road, you feel like you've matured enough to go off the medication, do that. Until then, trust yourself; your body. eat well; think well.

StealthyKat

cappy85
This is what is so frustrating. I'm never taken seriously. I can't talk to anyone because no one believes me or thinks I'm trying to get attention. I don't care about any of that. I just don't want to feel alone. I don't want to feel I'm crazy. I'm very honest with how I feel I just want some help, I don't know whats going on with me so I can feel normal throughout life. I'm a bit frustrated and I appreciate the honest replies because its so hard to explain this to someone who hasn't experienced it

I don't understand why you would come here advice on mental health issues. That is serious stuff. I mean sure, there are great people here, but really?? You have children. If you are having problems such as this, you need to get advice from a mental health PROFESSIONAL...not someone on ATS.

It just doesn't make sense. I understand you need someone to talk to, but if you are serious, this is not the place to seek this type of help.

Ever since I was following this thread I was thinking the same thing.
The OP knows *exactly* what the reason for the dissociation is - for god's sake, she is a PSYCHOLOGIST. The answer is right there, I think on the first page of this thread even.

The OP will also know that this is a serious problem which can hardly be solved on a public internet forum like this, in the same way as the OP *very well* knows there is no mystical explanation for the dissociation.

In fact, I am puzzled that she as a psychologist comes here and ASKS this question...seeking an explanation for her "not feeling as being in her body"....she KNOWS what the reason is. (I think that 80% of people participating here entirely missed the crucial issue here and make this now into an "esoteric" or "paranormal" thread..and as to my knowledge it has really nothing to do with any of that).

reply to post by NoRulesAllowed


She studied psychology. She's not a psychologist.

no mystical explanation for the dissociation.

She's confused; she's looking for support. Again - and I know this misunderstanding may have been the fuel for your tirade - she's not a psychologist.

Fortunately for her, I study developmental psychology, particularly developmental trauma, so I have a good eye for dissociation. Because this is a feeling she's had her whole life, it is a developmental trauma.

She's not mentally ill. If you simply followed her responses and conversations with other members, she comes off as an intelligent, young, stressed mother of twins with anxiety about the way she's feeling, and has apparently felt, since her childhood.

She hasn't logged back on since the 29th of September, obviously because this thread unleashed in her a torrent of ovwhelming feeling. Her "staying away" is final proof of her struggle with emotion. It's painful for her to reflect on this. The vital first step in healing developmental trauma is realizing that you've suffered it. For many adults who deal with developmental trauma and who deal with chronic dissociation, it's disconcerting to learn that your experience isn't some spiritual gift (although, it definitely fast-tracks you to becoming a highly abstract/deep thinker) but the result of trauma experienced at a very young age and virtually forgotten by the brains explicit memory centers. Only the feeling - the implicit memory - is there. Frozen in the nervous system. Inhibiting the self from experiencing emotion - from experiencing the self.

There are probably countless computer nerds who work for google, facebook, and other tech companies, whose social issues aren't the result of merely being "introverts" who like "data", but human beings who experienced trauma earlier on in life which impacted their willingness to give expression to their bodily feeling. They thus became accustomed to such low core energy levels; to feeling less alive; less happy (also less sad). They are simply "comfortably numb".

reply to post by Astrocyte


Yes, i agree that psychology needs some kind of classification system but I also think that mental conditions (OP is not mentally ill) are a result of wrong thinking. It is possible for the mind to fall into patterns of thought that make it unbalanced and the solution is 'right thinking'. There are different ways to correct thinking and this is what spirituality is about, it is about how to think, which is equivalent to how to Be, because to think is to be.

I suspect the OP has developed a habit of emotional disengagement and the solution is to reverse this habit and engage with the world.

all people come in different shapes and sizes. It's perfectly okay to love who you are for what you are and for the body you've been given. that's it

reply to post by EnPassant

developed a habit of emotional disengagement

That's essentially what I've argued from the beginning of this thread. The "clinical term" I used is developmental trauma. Since I study this disorder, I am quick to recognize it.

the solution is to reverse this habit and engage with the world.

Easier said than done. The OP has described this feeling as originating in childhood (hence the "developmental" part of the trauma). She has grown up learning to experience reality in this way, which is to say, to live with such low levels of emotional expression.

This dialing down of emotion creates the dissociation or derealization effect she describes. Not feeling "a part" of your body - as a chronic aspect of your daily experience - is not a sign of good mental health. At the same time, it isn't anything to become too worried or dejected about - which I fear she may be feeling after shes read through this thread (my posts) and my pm's to her. She isn't on the verge of some "mental collapse". Developmental trauma is a type of mental/emotional dysregulation that doesn't typically produce dangerous or violent behavior to self or others. It's just a "freeze" in their nervous system. An absolutely horrible feeling, no doubt - since it literally prevents the self, their core individuality, from embodying proper expression. So as an existential problem, developmental trauma might be one of the worse situations a person can find themselves in.

That being said, the nervous system is plastic - it responds to changes in experience. And "healing developmental trauma" is a very feasible matter. Yes, you are also right about becoming more spiritual; that in essence is what healing developmental trauma requires: greater awareness of self, of ones own experience, and a growing ability to recognize emotional expression (something someone whose experienced developmental trauma has difficulty doing), track nervous system organization & disorganization, and most of all, correct cognitive distortions about self and identity.

This is definitely something a human being can overcome. no doubt, it is a lifetime project, something that will require constant attention. Since the body's default experience is dissociation, it will tend to "reset" to that experience in the beginning. It will take months and years of manual coaxing before higher levels of emotional feeling become "default" ways of thinking.

Neuroplasticity really is an amazing thing. If the OP is reading this. The brain changes! No need to fear. You have the power to correct yourself.

I should also point out that experiencing yourself as "disembodied" i.e. dissociation, is not clinically unusual. It is clearly something all human beings are able to experience from time to time. Usually, it's connected to fatigue and exhaustion; or if you smoke weed often, this sense of being "a mind" IN a body is more pronounced.

The OP should not get hung up on this experience or worry herself about not being to overcome it. Most meditators experience this state - but they are also able to reembody and feel themselves at one with their bodies.

cappy85
Hi guys!
I am going to try to describe this the best way I can. Ever since I as younger, I always felt like I was separate from my body, that I didn't fit in my body. I feel like I'm foreign to this physical body. It isn't how I look, my personality....etc it is simply that I feel separate. I don't belong in this physical state so to speak, or maybe even so that I'm not comfortable in a physical body. I have probably lost you by now

I have always been very serious and much more mature for my age. I have always felt like there was something different about myself. For example, I don't get into popular culture, much like those who surround me. I find myself being more receptive and wise beyond my years. When I talk with and look at others, it all seems so superficial to me. I can't explain it that well. It is just a feeling of detachment from those around me as well as myself (physical being). I have had a medium tell me I am a very old soul and that always intrigued me though I'm not sure what that means, but maybe it is pertinent.
Has anyone experienced this or can anyone relate? It is very depressing to feel so out of place all the time and for as long as I have. I don't feel comfortable no matter where I am, how I look, what I do....etc It just doesn't feel right or natural. I'm just a separate entity. Perhaps, I'm just a weirdo ( I will admit that is possible LOL) but I would love if I could get some insight from others.

edit on 27-9-2013 by cappy85 because: (no reason given)

edit on 27-9-2013 by cappy85 because: Grammar

edit on 9/28/2013 by kosmicjack because: title fix

I felt the same way when I was younger. Felt like I didn't belong here. However, I can assure you, if you have a body and you're halfway like the rest of us then you do belong here.

I think when we're young there's a bit of rejection or despair or willingness to deny the existence of things. I think this is especially true if things don't work out as you wanted them to or you don't interact with others on the best of terms or you haven't met the expectations you or others have placed on yourself. For example, I had some rough periods early in life and have failed to meet many of the expectations I and others have made for myself. There's a desire in me to run away from everything or blame it on others or think I somehow don't belong here. However, all the running and attempts to escape and the denial eventually wears you out and you have to come back down to Earth and admit you either confront things head on or spend the rest of your life trying to escape while control is slipping out of your hands. It's like a plane stalling and then entering into an uncontrollable spin,

Sorry for being this way. You say you're mature, but unless you have a college degree and a job and some kids and some recognition in the community and have traveled the world and have been hurt and have helped others as much as you've been helped yourself, you're by no means mature. A mature person is somebody who has come to grips with reality and has figured out how to use the tools around them and how to works with others to be their best.

If there weren't so many people who thought they were special and didn't belong and somehow deserved more than this world offers then I honestly think our world would be a lot better and instead of struggling to survive we'd be getting ahead. Too bad so many people don't have a better attitude or can't confront reality responsibly. I don't know why it's this way, but it does seem that many of our woes are tied to this.

Instead of making so many hollywood movies about super heroes with super powers they need to make more movies about people who fall far short of being just a plain ol' hero and instead of helping others, they're too self-absorbed and busy running away from reality. But noooooo, hollywood can't do that because it would pinch people the wrong way. THIS is why hollywood receives so much scorn and is perceived by many as vain and detached.

HelenConway

Advantage
We all like to feel special OP... its ingrained in us from birth. Its when you realize you are nothing special and stop seeking validation for your need to feel special... that you can really move in the world and see how truly amazing WE are. Go macro rather than micro

I don't think the OP was trying to say she was special.

To OP yes I have felt like this. I see my body / personality self as separate from me, in a way.

It is like there is an intelligence behind my earth mind that watches --- that is me.

The body/ mind is the instrument that the real ' me' uses to navigate this life.

People and life as we humans live it [ currently ] is absurd - so yes I feel that alot too. Humans think that if society regards something as a ' truth' or a ' norm' or ' justice' then that it is .

That of cause is not true - consensus opinion does not make something the truth.

Mahatma Gandhi - "Truth is one, paths are many."

Consensus - 'truths' ; 'norms' are used by the PTB to control all of us hence the MSM machine.

I think our society says it's normal to step on bugs daily and to take a shower and kill bacteria in the process or to clear away spider webs (and hence probably kill spiders) and so on. Society also says it's normal to eat fish or pig or cow or sweet potato or broccoli, even though those things are living things and we take some of their rights away when we farm them for food. A person can get overwhelmed if they deviate too much from society's norms. Some of it can be blamed on mental illness, but then again, it could also be circumstance or habituation. It just requires a person to readjust to things to reduce the tension.

The reality is, when I step outside, I see lots and lots of creatures fishing and farming and hunting and foraging and so on, trying to make a living for themselves, just as we humans attempt to do. Modern life has somewhat disconnected us from our food and from the natural environment, but we're still trying to survive just like them.

There's a lot of war and misery going on, not counting the normal deaths due to creatures eating each other. A baby bird just fell out of the tree and a its mother watched helplessly. A cat climbed up the tree and raided the nest for sh**'s and giggles. An earthquake, a tornado, a hurricane, a sinkhole, a forest fire, a viral outbreak... An ant colony just raided an opposing ant colony, killing its soldiers and using the survivors as slaves.

This world puts us into challenging circumstances. On the one hand, you normally won't harm creature #1938385010934, but if that creatures crosses a boundary, you will harm it. In the perfect world, all creatures are aware of each other and do not provoke or trespass and have all the room they need to grow. But alas we live in finite space on Earth and we're afflicted with ignorance as well. It's impossible to avoid all confrontation or harm.

I can't change how it's, so I probably shouldn't despair about it. Sometimes i do, but only a small bit. It's nothing more than me wondering why a God would make a universe like this? Would I? I wouldn't, unless the participants went in fully knowing what the consequences would be. But who am I to pretend: if I had the power to create a universe, how do I know whether I'd be fair? What's fair? I'm not even sure. I have a lot of room to grow. In any case, we can't live our life trying to change what can't be changed - that's the serenity prayer. The first time I saw it, I knew i'd have to remember it.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Astrocyte
Easier said than done. The OP has described this feeling as originating in childhood (hence the "developmental" part of the trauma). She has grown up learning to experience reality in this way, which is to say, to live with such low levels of emotional expression.

Yes, easy to say, but my thinking is that if someone who feels like this and by effort and attention can overcome it for even a few minutes then that proves they are not powerless to change and can change themselves. Thereafter all that is needed is attention and patience.