A Song of Wakefulness and Verbocity

Oh fellow ATS'ers... This beast is rending into my soul. this insidious lurking monster who waits, tendrils dripping with anticipation and teeth ready to bite - it has a hold of me and I cannot escape its hideous grasp. I fight it, but to no avail. After all, I am but one man and what difference can one man make against such a legendary and ancient evil.

I speak of the demon, Insomnia. A demon with intent and with his glaring red eyes fixated directly upon me. I can feel his hatred running up my spine and sense his gaze. I am his prey and I refuse to lay down and accept that fact. Fighting is what we do when we are cornered - and I find myself cornered now.

My first month on sedatives they worked very well. Now that we have reached the second month, things are changing. My body is adapting. That first month ended with me in possession of several left-over pills that were not needed. I think that this month I will be hard pressed to make it to the end with enough to last. I just added an extra half a pill to my normal nightly dosage - which I took hours earlier.

Hopefully the last half of a pill, one swallowed after I began typing this, will be the key to victory over this abomination - allowing St George to slay his dragon and rid the land of Heff from this most foul and deviant of creatures.

If it were mine to do, I would summon an army, from all of the neighboring regions - seeking to unite under a common banner in a war against this grotesque plague. I would make deals with my bannermen, promising them lands and brides and wealth beyond measure. I would seduce my kinsmen with promises of familial legend and fame... and I would court even my enemies through intrigue, seduction, and tactical diplomacy. This I would do in the name of all that is right, in vengeance of every one of us who has ever suffered the perils of insomnia, past, present, and future.

I would wage war without quarter. A war of attrition.

Many would fall by the wayside during this tumultuous battle - for our foe is a strong enemy with many resources at his disposal. It is whispered, in the darkest of places, that he has witchcraft and sorcery at his command.

We have our witches as well. We can endure. We can overcome.

Besides... what better a death than to fall in battle for what is right? I ask you. Can anything be more noble than to know that wenches and warriors for generations will sing your name in their drunken revelries and in their religious services? What honor could be higher? What more could a man or woman want from this life than to leave a legacy like that?

So I call to you ATS, and to all who can read these words. Whether you be warriors or simple farmers, gather up your tools of war and make them ready. Let your souls be filled with disgust and rage over this tragedy. Come together, as one, and join me in an army so large that the very land will shake beneath our feet and future students will refuse to believe that so many gathered in a single place for a single reason.

Bring your swords. Bring your armor. Bring your pitchforks, your staves, your stones, your sons, and your courage. Leave the women, the children, and the fear behind - so as to have something to return to... something to fight for.

We shall gather the wolves, we shall send emissaries to the Lannisters and the Iron Islands asking for support and promising fair negotiation.

We shall put that wedding event behind us long enough to face our common enemy. Debts can linger, and gather interest. There is no hurry to be clean of the butchers bill from that night....

OK OK...TLDR version. I have insomnia, I like to write, and I miss The Game of Thrones.

Especially the little guy. I rather like the little guy.

reply to post by Hefficide


Cripes, I had just finished packing all my gear and loaded the tank when I read this part...

Leave the women, the children, and the fear behind - so as to have something to return to

reply to post by Hefficide


Insomnia is a female dog.

I had a period between the ages of ten and eighteen where I would, regularly get six hours sleep in a week, dependant on what was happening in life at the time. I would try to get to sleep, lay there for hours unable to slow my mind down, unable to relax at all. I would be wired constantly. It got so bad when I was in my mid teens, that I was asked by my form tutor at school if I was on any drugs.

I would end up giving up on sleep for a day or two, and stay up writing poetry, drawing daft cartoons, watching fuzzy terrestrial television, playing a game, anything to take my mind off the fatigue. Some might consider elements of my coping strategy at that time to have been counter productive, but I have always been against the idea of taking sleeping pills, headache tablets, cough mixtures and junk of that nature. My attitude has always been, if you aren't dying, you are probably fine, and ought to just tough it out.

Meditation would just lead to hours of emptiness, but no real rest. I started, around the age of sixteen, to take long walks on the beach at ridiculous times of night, walk the neighbourhood from house to house, street to street.

I only started sleeping normally, or at least nearly normally, when I reached the age of eighteen, and, in no manner of coincidence what so ever, became old enough to drink. I would be the first to admit that I used to drink like a v12 engine back then, but I SLEPT! I slept the sleep of the dead, I went full on comatose and was getting proper sleep, averaging way more than my previous standard of one full hour of six hours a week.

Nowadays I still stay up late on occasion, but normally speaking I can now sleep within a few minutes of my head hitting the pillow, and I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. You could say that in that particular element of my life, I have finally achieved balance. Shame about the rest of life, but the sleep thing? Oh , I OWN that.

I hope you find yourself able to catch some natural z's at some point soon Heff. Wandering about half buggered with your eyes on stalks is draining and horrible.

Are you sleeping?
Where did you go,Heff?

Thinking of you hun. find your way home soon.
xoxox

reply to post by Hefficide


I hope you are well and find your way home soon.

Thoughts and prayers,Heff.

Hi Heff. 'Thinking of you. I lit a candle to guide your way to restful dreams of warmth, comfort and home. Be well, brother.

- Grace

Heff,
Are you reading these messages? We are worried about you....SO very worried.
You are loved. We just don't know what to do.

I've been through Hell myself....and come back again. You have to come back too.
People are trying to reach to you....please reach back and contact someone...anyone.
You are NOT alone.

jacygirl

I hope you're well, Heff. Come back to us soon, we miss you, man!

The Beast can be beaten with your army of kin here, waiting to assist on your command

reply to post by Hefficide


Just hoping all is well and you find your way back home soon Heff. Miss you here and your great writing. Hoping you're on a spiritual journey or something and get back well-rested and safe!

reply to post by Hefficide


Yes, please post at least once, even if you are meditating deep in the forests of South America. As for insomnia, get off the pharma meds and just take melatonin, that's the ticket.