I was kinda taking inventory of my life today...

I was kinda taking inventory of my life today. I hate to say it but really it seems like my life has amounted to nothing. I feel like if anything I've only hurt a lot of people. I think the only 1 thing I've even done is I set up a free website for a charity. Like I did the whole thing, and it's still running online. But aside from maybe a some small acts of kindness....nothing. The list for the negatives would be very very long. Like I dont' even want to think about it. The list of the positives is short. Maybe the first step is at least I recognize that. Maybe I could turn it around somehow. Maybe put some good karma in the karma bank.

Just strange because I'm just trying understand where I've come from, where I am now and where things are going. And what I should maybe try and do next in life. Just not sure what. I guess I could always look for another charity to build their website. Like one after another it adds up. I'd be doing some good. Even if I'm not getting paid for it. Maybe with a little luck I could find a job being the admin of some charities website. I'm not sure why charity's but I guess I just hope that some good is being done by them and then that way I'm taking part in that to some degree. Like it's a way of trying to do some good in the world for all the bad I've done.

Any thoughts?

reply to post by spartacus699


Having read a few of your threads recently, it seems to me that your life is reaching a bit of a crisis, and you are completely up in the air about your future, your purpose, and your career. I can only say that I hope you continue to try to stay positive, and that writing about it and communicating your thoughts is a healthy thing to be doing. I hope you have some good personal supports in your day to day life as well, whom you can speak openly to about what you are dealing with. Situations like these can sometimes spiral out of control very quickly, and lead to a dark(er) place if not watched closely. Take care and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person or not, but perhaps prayer or looking to get in touch with your spiritual side could be something positive for you right now. My own personal belief is that though you may have done bad things in the past, there is still a chance for you to leave that behind you. You can choose to accept grace that is given freely if you are willing to take it. No need to feel like you are burdened with "working off your bad karma". Doing good for the sake of doing good is much more meaningful than doing good because you feel you have a debt to pay

If you are looking to just do something positive and to help someone, maybe look at what affects you emotionally, and try to help out in that area? For instance if you find it morally reprehensible that there are hungry people, you could volunteer at a soup kitchen for a couple hours a week? Finding a way to help others and making a positive change can sometimes be the catalyst we needed to rediscover our own purpose and get ourselves back on track.

God bless.

reply to post by spartacus699


Don't compare your lists of negatives and positives; in fact, burn your lists.
THink about the positives. There are many people with a much bigger list of negatives and people with less or no positives.
And don't compare yourself to others.
You seem to want to do some good so the best and only place to start from is here and now.
THink positive and whatever you do, don't try too hard.

reply to post by spartacus699


Do not underestimate Recapitulation.
That is all I have to say.

Except, Onward Christian Soldier.

I think it was a Roman philosopher that once said "you can't change the past, and the future doesn't exist. The only thing that matters is who you are this very instance."

I'm sure if all of us took a long hard look back at our lives we'd all be very very disappointed and feel basically worthless (I know I did when I went down that path). Think about something you've always wanted to do and set a goal to go and do it, do things you find enjoyable, give yourself a challenge even if it's only a minor one - read a good book, try to learn another language, do an online course or maybe just hit up your local gym and burn your frustrations away on the exercise machines. I find sometimes even something as simple as lying on the grass in a quiet park and staring at the clouds for a while is all it takes to put you in a better frame of mind. Stop worrying about all the bad stuff, how much you're "worth", how many physical posessions you have etc and just enjoy the here and now

Forget the past
Give up your expectations

Judging yourself gains you nothing

reply to post by spartacus699


I think it's good that you take a honest look at your past (you learn from your mistakes), where you are at now and wonder/plan for the future. More people should do that.

But I think the key is to not dwell on the past but rather learn from it. Charity work is great as well, as it introduces you to new people and pluses up your resume for a future job as well, so that's a win-win right there.

As what the future holds for you or any of us, that's always a crapshoot. But you can still plan at least.

reply to post by spartacus699


I just wanted to say......

When I was at a very low ebb in life someone who wasn't even a friend as such more an acquaintance, did and said something that was a game changer for me. For me it was a huge turning point but what struck me the most is that he was grossly unaware of this....he couldn't even remember doing or saying the thing in question as it held no great significance for him. When I saw him in the street a few years later and thanked him and told him about the affect it had had on me he was genuinely shocked as he had been clueless!

I suppose what I am trying to say is that sometimes our list of things we are ashamed, guilty, regretful of etc are more apparent to us, whilst often times we aren't aware of how we have touched others lives and made a positive difference.

Keep your chin up...I'm sure you will discover the path for you....in the meantime don't beat yourself up about your life and achievements, as how you perceive it may not be the fuller picture.

Well I fixed a few things yesterday so today I kinda woke up feeling good because I had made that change that I felt deep down i needed to do. Then today just try and do at least one more good thing to sort of clean out the closet of stuff that should be fixed. Ya i'm sure things will start to get better slowly

reply to post by spartacus699


Its all in the past bud... you can't change that, so why worry?

Believe it or not you've already changed the world... in some cases good, in others bad... but It is what it is...

You just gotta work on what you can do now, while you're here...

Worry not of the things you can't change... only about the things you can...

spartacus699
I was kinda taking inventory of my life today. I hate to say it but really it seems like my life has amounted to nothing. I feel like if anything I've only hurt a lot of people. I think the only 1 thing I've even done is I set up a free website for a charity. Like I did the whole thing, and it's still running online. But aside from maybe a some small acts of kindness....nothing. The list for the negatives would be very very long. Like I dont' even want to think about it. The list of the positives is short. Maybe the first step is at least I recognize that. Maybe I could turn it around somehow. Maybe put some good karma in the karma bank.

Just strange because I'm just trying understand where I've come from, where I am now and where things are going. And what I should maybe try and do next in life. Just not sure what. I guess I could always look for another charity to build their website. Like one after another it adds up. I'd be doing some good. Even if I'm not getting paid for it. Maybe with a little luck I could find a job being the admin of some charities website. I'm not sure why charity's but I guess I just hope that some good is being done by them and then that way I'm taking part in that to some degree. Like it's a way of trying to do some good in the world for all the bad I've done.

Any thoughts?

Well I think you are on the right track you started somewhere, now expand. Or go find yourself. Or do bolth. You have an idea, for a website for charity. Then you made it happen. Now all you have to do is spread the word, get your name out there. Tweek it, make it stronger, get motivated.

Find ways to get to some radio stations, and let them know about the charity, you will be suprised how many people will respond. When you get some income comming in spend a little at a copy shop and make flyers for that website, and just ask people to donate what they can.

Then travel across the USA doing that. then you can live out of the van, and have your cake and eat it too. Soon that charity will grow, you will have done good. Thats just one of a billion possibilites you can do!

The hard part? Getting motivated. You will be suprised what people can do when motivated.

en.wikipedia.org...

Then you can film yourself doing it make a doc. out of it then sell it to a tv station or something.