posted on Sep, 13 2013 @ 08:50 AM
Im here today to share something
It may be not interest you, but after all, it doesnt matter...
ITs about my life,my lonely life, i a life devoid of light.
What can i say?
I grew up alone, in an orphanage,terrorized about my crippling loneliness, watching a doomed future.
do you see what i mean?
The feeling you get when you know something is about to happen, something you cannot escape.
I knew from the start.
Growing in an orphanage is kinda strange,most kids hate each others,its beyond bullying.
When i left the orphanage,i found myself in the open,nothing to keep my freedom away,finaly,LIFE.
Life, and all the things that come with it, but i was ready to face it, ready to fight ,ready to live, but i was scared too, and lonelier than
I managed to get a job,and managed to study at the same time, but i grew being even more alone.
I tried to be nice with people, tried to get friends around me,tried to look interesting.
I failed, and by failing, i mean,miserably failing,in the most pathetic ways.
I hated the sky and heavens.
So, i decided to work,work as much as possible, to get rich, to buy things,stuff,to make people like me, you know,like, buying friends.
It worked, they robbed me, i was dumb, i was hurt, my ego was shattered into pieces, my already microscopic pride was dead, by my own stupidity.
Then the unexpected happened.
I met her, she was like a billion of stars, she talked to me, managed to tame my pain,made me smile and feel like a real human being.
She loved me, and i loved her.
And she died.
She died, and the world around, became a terrible prison, i became my own prison.
I kept all her things,her scarf,and her long black coat,her pictures.
Now, today, i still can smell her delicate perfume,i remember her voice, her soft skin, and powerful smile,her long hair.
Still,today,i cant push myself to meet anyone, i cant,maybe because i dont want to, its my stupidity, i joined her in her grave, somehow.
Today, i still keep working,i still live, i still breath, i still wake up every morning with my coffee and cigs,i still go to work.
And every night, i turn off my mind, trying to kill the pain,nones want to be near me, i wish one day someone tell me its ok to stop hurting, i wish
someone one turn me off for good,like you turn off a machine.
never had the courage to kill myself, maybe because i have hope, or maybe because im just scared.
today, while im writting those words, hoping the pain to stop, hoping ill see her again one day, if the after life exist.
Today i just want to bury myself into tons of concrete and stop thinking.