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I would have loved to do it, but I do not know what to do at all. I do not know the layout of the church. I feel like total # saying no, but I am not the only one.
I am not very brave.
I wish I wasn't like I am. I wish I was OK, I wish I was normal. I wish I understood french, and I wish I could lead the procession. I wish churches didn't creep me out,
I wish I could believe in that heaven #. I wish I could believe in Jesus. I wish I could believe in God.
I don't know where God and Jesus are, and why they won't answer my prayers.
Maybe I was just born scum, and destined for hell. Maybe Dog has hardened my heart like he did the pharoes, and I am just doomed from the start. Maybe I am hitler reincarnated or something, who knows.
I wish I knew what was what. I wish I knew why I am here.
I am glad that I was able to give my grandmother her last birthday gift, that counts for something I suppose.
Self doubt can be the healthiest thing. It means you are human, questioning, humble.