posted on May, 18 2003 @ 02:30 PM
Scene is an office in Hollywood.
A phone rings.
W - Hello this is the Wachowski brothers. How may I help you?
*a pause and then a sinister voice*
NWO - You know who this is don't you? We were very impressed with "Bound". We want you to make another movie. But this time you will be working for
W - OK, no problem!!! What sort of movie do you want?
NWO - We want to tell our side of the story. We want people to know we are coming. We want to tell them of our existence and ready them for a new
W - Cool idea!!! We got just the thing for you!!! It's a new project called the Matrix. That should suit you guys perfectly.
NWO - OK. What's it about?
W - Well it's like this - You guys are portrayed as cold hearted, uniformed, ugly, vicious, evil robots intent on turning the human race into slaves.
NWO - Hmmm. Doesn't exactly portray us in a good light does it? Who is our enemy in this movie?
W - Well that's the clever part. We're gonna get an all American hero to play opposite you. We were thinking of Keanu Reeves. He's gonna look real
cool in leather and shades. We're gonna give him a part where he can play a messiah figure. Like out of the Bible!!! You guys love the Bible
NWO - Well yeah. But aren't we supposed to be the god-like figures? Tell me more. Do we win?
W - Well not actually win as such. You do horribly kill a few people though.
NWO - So we don't win?
W - Well here's the great part!!! This other guy Keanu, gets to kick the crap outta you!!! He's gonna use all these 1337 kungfu skillz on ya!!! The
audience will love it!!!!
NWO - Ah. So we're playing for the sympathy vote? People will watch the movie, see how badly we're getting fux0red and cheer for us as the
W - Not exactly. We didn't actually think about giving you any redeeming features that would make the audience have good feelings for you.
NWO - OK. Say we run with this. Where are you going to set this movie?
W - Well we were thinking of a world in the future which you have turned into a wasteland which has absolutely no nice bits in it at all. That'll
give the audience something to look forward to.
NWO - And what about dialogue? How are we going to verbally communicate our message?
W - Well, we haven't really worked that out yet. But we were thinking along the lines of getting our characters to say things that sound really deep
and profound. Things like "Free your mind". Hell the public will lap that sheit up!!!!
NWO - So let's get this straight. We're commissioning a movie where we play evil robots fighting a good guy and he wins in the end? How exactly does
this prepare the world for our arrival?
W - Ummm.....er.........ummmm...er..hold on, there's another call waiting on the line...... I gotta take it, it's.....er... Saddam Hussein. He wants
a part in the next....er... Forrest Gump movie.
*line goes dead*
NWO - Hello? Hello? Is any one there? Hello? Damn. I was hoping they'd come up with something along the lines of "Bound". Lesbians are so