6 months to live...and not a clue what to say

reply to post by Night Star


Pokes head in door

Yoooooohooooooooooooooo

Cody

Hugs Cody.

K2 hasn't been here since the 14th. I'm worried.

reply to post by Night Star


She did say she will be very busy and not have much time
I wouldn't worry too much

Cody

Night Star
Hugs Cody.

K2 hasn't been here since the 14th. I'm worried.

Sorry I am alive. Working my tail off. Got some bad news from Lisa trying to process it...

This is from her facebook page..

Glad that my day started off good by getting to see Alisha and having lunch with her today since she won't be home again until next Wednesday. My day went downhill from there - my tumor marker counts have risen again - CEA FROM 62.9 to 93.9 and the 15-3 went from 61.8 to 97.6. The doctor is coming up with a whole new treatment regimen that will start on December 3rd. Just hope I can handle the new side effects of whatever medicine he puts me on next but whatever it is I will face it just like I have done everything else in the past - head on - this girl is not giving up!

her counts were in the teens In september they are growing tremendously I read everything I can and everything says that means her cancer is growing.

Please keep her in your prayers. I am going to see her Friday. I feel like I need to see her again. I am burning the candle at both ends these days with work, the room mate issues, and this. I need a vacation from life for a while.

reply to post by k21968


k2

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Make the most of seeing Lisa and give her my love,
I don't pray, I've seen too much bad stuff to believe a God could possibly exist, but I do believe that goodness and love will win through.

I'll be with you in spirit and thought.

Much love

Cody

Lisa is so strong and brave. Tell her she is still in my thoughts and prayers. I pray too that you eventually get the rest and peace that you so desperately need right now. HUGS!

reply to post by Night Star


We kind of got into a fight. LOL Its all good now but when I told her I was coming she said she was in a bad place and didnt want to see anyone. I told her that wouldnt fly with me. So she begrudgingly accepted my offer to spend a couple hours together tomorrow. It hurt my feelings which I know is selfish.

I am so conflicted in all of this. I mean I want to spend every second I can with her, and when she says she is not up to company, I am like I am not company..I am your sister from another mother!

Anyway..there is OT tomorrow but I told my boss I had other plans. It didnt go over so well. So now my boss is upset at me.

I need a long vacation away from the world right now. I am sinking into what I can only call a depression now.

I am very selfish..I know that. No one needs to tell me. I should respect her desire to be alone, but everything in me says NO. So I can't.

UGH I will not be online for a couple days for I am leaving tonight after work to drive to Ohio (4-5 hours) and coming back sometime Saturday.

My kid overdrew her bank acct and now I dont have the $$ to fix it until I get paid tomorrow. She is going to get zapped with major fees. When it rains it pours.

reply to post by k21968

I am very selfish..I know that.

Oddly enough I had a conversation at work today that turned to selfless people we know.

Guess what k2 (family wasn't allowed)

You made the top 3

Think about that

Cody

Selfish how? Is it really so selfish to love and want to see and be with your best friend while you still can? You are only human and have your own needs to be met as well as those of people around you. Your feelings matter too.

As for your boss, if he knows Lisa is dying and is still pissed because you want to spend a little time with her, too damned bad. You have been working all kinds of overtime for him. H'ell get over it.

cody599
reply to post by k21968

 

I am very selfish..I know that.

Oddly enough I had a conversation at work today that turned to selfless people we know.

Guess what k2 (family wasn't allowed)

You made the top 3

Think about that

Cody

Cody that was probably the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a very long time. thank you. I feel selfish. LOL My whole life lately is all about me. This thread...my marriage...my kid...ugh. I need a vacation.

Night Star
Selfish how? Is it really so selfish to love and want to see and be with your best friend while you still can? You are only human and have your own needs to be met as well as those of people around you. Your feelings matter too.

As for your boss, if he knows Lisa is dying and is still pissed because you want to spend a little time with her, too damned bad. You have been working all kinds of overtime for him. H'ell get over it.

LOL you are right. They got over it. LOL They are mad at me but I dont care. I still get paid.!

Love ya chick..

The long awaited Lisa update.

I spent all day Friday with her. Things are not good. This time it was very evident she was sick.

She can walk about ten steps before she starts gasping for air. Apparently the tumors in her lungs are growing???

So she coughed a lot and gasped for air all the time. It was excruciating to witness.

But yet, she drives on. She is not laying in bed. She is out and about...she refuses to die on her back.

I cried the whole way home this time. I honestly know now that it is just a matter of time.

How long? Only God knows.

Love,
K2

Ya know what? Sometimes it's ok to be selfish. Think of all the times you have dedicated yourself to your job, your family, your friends. You have feelings and they matter and it's ok to express them. For myself, I feel rather needy these days. Need a little extra tender loving care and understanding. We can only go through so much for so long and try to keep things inside or pretend that everything is ok. Sometimes things just arn't ok and we need our feelings to be acknowleged and a little love and a hug and compassion and that's ok.

Yes, I have been dreading that Lisa would reach this downhill point soon enough. I still say she is so very brave and strong and I admire her strength and courage. Such a little warrior. We can only hope and pray for her comfort at this point and her peace as she faces her new journey ahead. Like I told my sweet kitty before she died, "You will be going to a beautiful new world where there is no pain and suffering and someday we will be together again."

This may sound crazy, but it is the truth and it may bring you some comfort, but I have a pre-birth memory. I remember existing before ever being born. I guess I could say it was in a different realm than this. I can probably best say it as being in some sort of spirit form. I will also confess and risk sounding crazy by telling you that I once had an out of body experience. It was very brief and scared the hell outta me at first. I thought I died. LOL But afterward I was in awe! These experiences have proven to me that we are far more than just a physical body and that once we die, our spirit will live on. We are all made of energy and energy does not die.

I know that is a lot to digest and had it not have happened to me I don't know if I could believe someone if they told me the same. I have always been truthful here at ATS and anywhere else I may go online. I can only hope that people who have known me for a while will see my honesty and know that I am not some crazy lady. Much love to you Honey and to Lisa.

I am so so very sorry for everything. I can only imagine the pain you must be experiencing. Just recently, I've lost someone very dear to me, and so I understand where you're coming from.

In situations such as these, to be honest, I don't know what to say, as I fear that whatever I say won't be comforting enough, or offensive.

All I can say is that I wish you all the best, and please keep strong. I also wish you're friend all the best.

reply to post by k21968


Thanks for the update k2

It doesn't sound good unfortunately. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You've got my email if you want to use it.

Stay strong hun and know that we are with you all the way *gentle kiss on the cheek*

Cody

Thought I better check in. I am finding myself more and more sad each day that goes by. I have to buck up I get to see her again Friday. I MUST BE BRAVE.

I will update you all when I return on Saturday or Sunday.

Happy THanksgiving...I am thankful for all of you, especially Kat, Night STar, Mike, Rod, and Cody.

I love you all.

K2

Love you too Sweetie! Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

I saw Lisa this Friday. She is getting worse and worse. She is so swollen and the fluid is making it hard for her to breathe. She wasnt her usual energetic happy go lucky self either. She is definitely declining.

reply to post by k21968


This must be like torture for you, her, and all her family and friends. It makes me very sad and scared too because I always fear my cancer returning.

I am here for you Sweet Lady. I am praying for peace and release from pain for Lisa. I pray that you find the strength to somehow deal with this tragedy. If you don't deal very well, I will be here to help hold you up with my friendship and love.

I know we all must die, but because we all go at different times, it is the ones left behind that have to suffer and endure. Thank God we are never alone and have others in our lives that can be a candle in our darkest hours. Big warm hug for you K2! Know that I am with you in thought.

reply to post by Night Star


That means a lot to me Night Star. I have a feeling I will fall very apart when she leaves me. She is still walking and talking. Something has shifted. It is hard to describe. For one thing, she cannot breathe well and struggles to walk across the room. Second, she no longer plans her future at all. Before it was I have to live until xxx date for whatever reason. Now it is like she has accepted she is dying and with that maybe given up.

I dont blame her. She is stronger than I could ever be.

I have issues with God right now. I have so many questions. How does a compassionate loving saviour allow this to happen? We euthanize dogs for less.

I just dont understand.

Thank you for your friendship and love. I am a wreck. My whole world (my best friend-as well as my marriage) is leaving me. I have seriously considered running away. :/