6 months to live...and not a clue what to say

reply to post by cody599


Yeah real life seems to get in the way of a lot of talented people. Mark could have made it had he not stayed with people who kept him back. He could never fire a friend. Just as well. There are so many musicians and singers who end up dead from too much partying anyway. He is a lead guitarist, but hasn't dabbled with his guitars much since he became disabled.

We have a spare room filled with amps, guitars and special effects pedals. Thousands of dollars worth of stuff.

So yeah...would be awesome to see a vid of you in action.

ARGH...that is the word of today.

Lisa is doing ok. Just talking to her and I dont see that she is sick. Looking at her I dont either. Is that normal??? It makes it harder. Maybe I am in some denial phase of this grief journey. She acts fine. (pretends I am sure) She looks fine other than having no hair and being very swollen from her treatments. She sounds fine.

I just don't get it.

No, I am questioning that she is sick. I know she is. I know her body is full of cancer. But, I do not understand how she can look, sound, and act NORMAL and be dying.

It would be easier if she didn't, I mean maybe it would help prepare me for the day she dies. It is like a cruel joke. Like someone in heaven said " hmm lets give her cancer but have her look, sound and act fine" that should really shock her loved ones when she passes on.

It all makes no sense to me.

I am working 60 hours a week right now. I am so tired. I can't sleep when I finally go to bed then have to get up at 5 and put in 10-12 hr days. I am hanging on by a thread right now. The permanent room mate (what I now call my dearly betrothed) is the laziest human being on this planet. HE does nothing. So I have spent my entire day off (the only one this week) cleaning and scrubbing and doing laundry. Then when I start to do it he comes to do it instead. Seriously. Nothing makes me madder. If he was going to do it he would not have waited until I started doing it to do it. It really fries me. Then he wants a big reward or pat on the back for doing it. What is he? 5???

I am so frustrated.

Some days I want to run away.

Where is Kat?? I am really worried now.

I sent her a U2U and she has not read or responded.

I miss her.

Another friend of mine on here is missing..his name is Heff. He has been gone for over a month. They have people looking for him ...

How does one just disappear??

k21968
ARGH...that is the word of today.

Lisa is doing ok. Just talking to her and I dont see that she is sick. Looking at her I dont either. Is that normal??? It makes it harder. Maybe I am in some denial phase of this grief journey. She acts fine. (pretends I am sure) She looks fine other than having no hair and being very swollen from her treatments. She sounds fine.

I just don't get it.

No, I am questioning that she is sick. I know she is. I know her body is full of cancer. But, I do not understand how she can look, sound, and act NORMAL and be dying.

It would be easier if she didn't, I mean maybe it would help prepare me for the day she dies. It is like a cruel joke. Like someone in heaven said " hmm lets give her cancer but have her look, sound and act fine" that should really shock her loved ones when she passes on.

It all makes no sense to me.

I am working 60 hours a week right now. I am so tired. I can't sleep when I finally go to bed then have to get up at 5 and put in 10-12 hr days. I am hanging on by a thread right now. The permanent room mate (what I now call my dearly betrothed) is the laziest human being on this planet. HE does nothing. So I have spent my entire day off (the only one this week) cleaning and scrubbing and doing laundry. Then when I start to do it he comes to do it instead. Seriously. Nothing makes me madder. If he was going to do it he would not have waited until I started doing it to do it. It really fries me. Then he wants a big reward or pat on the back for doing it. What is he? 5???

I am so frustrated.

Some days I want to run away.

Where is Kat?? I am really worried now.

I sent her a U2U and she has not read or responded.

I miss her.

Another friend of mine on here is missing..his name is Heff. He has been gone for over a month. They have people looking for him ...

How does one just disappear??

About Lisa not looking sick. I remember when my sister-in-law had lung cancer, she said before she was even diagnosed she was out dancing and having a good life and had no idea she was even sick. During treatments, though she had her good and bad days, for the most part she said she never felt better. She never looked better! It was amazing and not until the very end where she looked sick enough to pass on.

I remember the last day I ever saw my Father. He was smiling and laughing and joking with us and his nurses. We had no idea that he would never be coming home again. We saw him in the morning and that afternoon he was gone. At least with Dad, he lived a very long and happy life.

It's weird, I guess we just never know. You can be fine one minute and gone the next.

I am so sorry you are having to work so hard and so many hours. Though I am disabled now, I worked my butt off for over 30 years and know how exhausting that can be. I still do all the housework though and help my elderly Mom with her dishes and laundry as well. Maybe some night when it is early, you could take a sleeping pill to help you get the rest you need so you can make it through the next day.

As for the 'permenant room mate', I have one of my own as you know. I still havn't gotten over the shock of being with someone for 34 years and having him not want to be married. Through the years, it should have been ME who wanted to leave. He is self absorbed and has taken me for granted for years.

Before he married me he only had one other girlfriend and it wasn't serious, so I know he must think the grass is greener on the other side. His brothers (the only family members he has left) and all his friends things he is nuts and says he won't find anyone better anywhere.

Still...there are so many years spent together, so many memories, so many good times...we stayed by each others side through sickness and in health and all that. I thought that we had so much to be proud of. Everyone always marvelled at how amazingly wonderful it was that we were together so long. It is so sad. We were even the best of friends before we married. I thought it would last forever.

It's harder at holidays. Since the family got so big, we all go out to a nice restarant for lunch so we can all be together and not go crazy trying to cook for so many, then desert at Mom's after. Everyone has a husband to share in the joy of the day. I feel so strange, like someone has torn a part of me away and I can never be whole again.

I too miss kat and Heff very much and am worried terribly. Some years ago, I had serious computer problems and was off-line for like two weeks or so. I wasn't a member here at ats yet. When I got back online I was simply amazed at how many people were going crazy trying to figure out what happened to me and were worried sick. I had no idea people cared that much. I had soooo many e-mails and private messages. It made me cry to see such an outpourring of love and concern.

I have made a friend promise me that if anything should ever happen to me to please post at certain sites where I am a member to let people know what happened. I have given them the site addresses and my posting names there. It's funny how we think we don't really make much of a difference in people's lives when in actuality we really do!

For Kat, Heff and other ats member who have gone missing, all we can do is pray and hope that they return to us. It is a terrible thing not knowing what happened, where they are or what they are going through.

I'm still here for you K2. I'm not going anywhere. If anything happens and I am able to let people know I will, if not I have my friend who will.

Try to get the rest you so desperately need. Try to concentrate on taking care of yourself Sweetie. HUGS!!!!!!!!!

Good day ladies
I'm here for you both always

*Flutters eyelashes*

Cody

[url=http://www.amazon.com/Outsmart-Your-Cancer-Alternative-ebook/dp/B004DL0LCY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383576057&sr=8-1&keywords=out+smart+your+cance r]http://www.amazon.com/Outsmart-Your-Cancer-Alternative-ebook/dp/B004DL0LCY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383576057&sr=8-1&keywords=out+smart+your+cancer[/ url]

cody599
Good day ladies
I'm here for you both always

*Flutters eyelashes*

Cody

Cody you are such a charmer!!

Where is Night Star? first Heff, then Kat now Night Star...its just us Cody...

Where oh where can my friends be??

reply to post by k21968


Don't panic k2

My Mum always said bad news travels fast

Dire news faster

Sage words

Cody

My kitty is dying and I am waiting for my neice to take her to be put to sleep. First Mark and Mom in and out of the hospital, Mark is still in pain, now my kitty is dying. I am just so damned sad, frustrated and pissed that life just keeps sending me bad things.

Mark sees our regular doctor tomorrow then I'm sure they will send him to some specialist, then surely more tests. That's even more suffering waiting.

I have my own daily pain to deal with and whatever and everything else is falling apart all around me. I have a med for anxiety but nothing for depression. I have tried different meds for that and they make me sleep or like a zombie or some other side affects. I am just so miserable right now.

If I could ease the pain of those around me, if I could make their lives better, easier, I would feel so much better. Like you, K2, I feel so helpless and know there is nothing else I can do. My poor little heart is breaking.

Sorry for all the bad news, but It seems that that's all I have right now. Been crying all day. Hope everyone else is having a better day than me. HUGS!

I'll tell you, if you have your youth, your health and enough money not to have worry about anything, life is good. Otherwise it is just one lousy friggin thing after the next with only worse things on the horizen.

Why would a good and loving God allow suffering?

Night Star
If I could ease the pain of those around me, if I could make their lives better, easier, I would feel so much better. Like you, K2, I feel so helpless and know there is nothing else I can do. My poor little heart is breaking.

Sorry for all the bad news, but It seems that that's all I have right now. Been crying all day. Hope everyone else is having a better day than me. HUGS!

I'll tell you, if you have your youth, your health and enough money not to have worry about anything, life is good. Otherwise it is just one lousy friggin thing after the next with only worse things on the horizen.

Why would a good and loving God allow suffering?

Dont apologize. I am sorry for you and your kitty.OUr pet babies are as much real babies to us animal loves as human babies. Cry. It is ok.

You will miss your kitty. But, after my Bo (my dog of 13 yrs) passed away I swore I would never adopt another dog. Then about 6 months later, a puppy adopted me and I love him and I know my Bo is happy.

Hugs to you.

I dont understand either why such a compassionate God allows such hardships to good people. It seems money, health and stature gets you everywhere in this world and I have none of those.

My marriage is over. I will be filing for divorce after 24 years. I cannot live being treated like a piece of furniture any longer. It breaks my heart and it is terrifying but I know I have to do it.

I feel like a horrible person because he is a disabled vet and has no one else but me. I will leave him completely alone. That is what breaks my heart. I will always love him. I will always care for him. I just have learned to love myself and decided that being treated like I dont exist beats me down to where I feel like I am nothing. I am something. I realized that. So there is my sad story of the day.

My 18 yr old daughter will lose her mind when I tell her. It will break her heart. How do I face that? How do I make her understand I am doing this because I deserve better without sounding selfish? it all sounds selfish..

Hang in there girlfriend..I love you. I cry with you tonight.

Love
K2

Thank you so much! I have had cats most of my life, most of them rescues. This time though, there will be no more for me. If I should have to move from here, most places don't allow pets. I am done with that heartache. I have lost way too many special little furry friends through the years. It is too gut wrenching.

I'm tired of being taken for granted too K2. To live with this man who has been my husband for 34 years...I just can't see him as anything else. I could never trust again so I'm not even looking for another relationship. I don't know what else to say right now about that. You have to do what you feel is right for you and I do hope you find your happiness. Yes it wil be hard but Your daughter will eventually come to terms with it.

I know that all the wishing in the world, all the love in the world cannot make him my husband again. That is something I don't know how to deal with. I am saddened deeply and so numb.

Right now I know my sweet, innocent, loving and precious little kitty is at peace and no longer suffering, but still the pain runs deep. She was my last and I miss her terribly already. Maybe now where she is she can hear. She was deaf. Now she can hear the birds sing and the wind through the trees. Rest in my peace my darling girl and enjoy your beautiful new world. I will always remember you. I will always love you.

I had to make a thread for her.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

A beautiful sunrise to brighten your days


Cody

reply to post by cody599


Thank you Cody! That was just breath taking! Thank you for being our rock, someone who we know will always be here for us no matter what. You are always so kind and thoughtful and loving. You are a wonderful friend and a treasure.

My first day without my sweet gentle little girl and I am just so lost and lonely and heart broken. Actualy going on day two. I just wish I could hold her in my arms again and feel her love and hear her purr. Still can't believe she is gone. Whether it is a pet or a person in our life, it is hard being left behind. They leave a hole in our hearts that no one else could ever fill.

Oh my precious Straya, how I love and miss you.

K2, how are you doing Sweetie?

Now K2 is missing. That's not good.

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Night Star
Now K2 is missing. That's not good.

I am here. I have been working 60 hours a week. All I do is eat, sleep and work. UGH

I went to court with my dear offspring today to her drivers license suspension hearing and they gave her driving probation for a year. Basically she cannot get another ticket for a year. If she does she will lose her license for a year. I hope she can do it. She has lead foot like her mother.

Still worried about Kat. I am extremely concerned.

I am glad to see you nightstar...I know how you are feeling. Please know it will get better. It will never be the same but it will get better. Hugs and prayers to you.

Cody, you are our rock as Night Star has said. I do not know what we girls would do without you.

Lisa- same old stuff. She is in the midst of helping her daughter plan her wedding. I think this stuff is keeping her alive.

She said she feels ok and other than the normal swelling and fluid retention she said all is well.

She amazes me with her strength. Not once have I ever heard her feel sorry for herself. I know that I could not be as strong.

I love you all and I am burning the candle at both ends these days.

The hubby situation is still bad. He just doesnt want to be an active participant in life. I need out. It will take money..which I am doing overtime so hopefully I can bail myself out.

Love you all,
K2

God, in my later years of working before I became disabled, I could barely live through my 40 hour weeks, never mind the 60 you're doing. You poor dear, you must be absolutely exhausted!

Lisa is so brave and strong, but I'm sure she must have some private moments where the reality sinks in and she must feel it. It's good that she is able to take part in planning her daughter's wedding. I'm sure that is helping her a lot.

Night Star
God, in my later years of working before I became disabled, I could barely live through my 40 hour weeks, never mind the 60 you're doing. You poor dear, you must be absolutely exhausted!

Lisa is so brave and strong, but I'm sure she must have some private moments where the reality sinks in and she must feel it. It's good that she is able to take part in planning her daughter's wedding. I'm sure that is helping her a lot.

I cannot even think straight any more..60 hours a week for almost a month now...all I do is work sleep and eat...my life is so sad.

LOL

One day hopefully, you will be able to slow down and take it easy Honey. Hang in there.

Just doing my daily check in. Hope you are getting some well deserved rest K2.