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15 Y/O Daughter Lost Virginity to Boyfriend Then He Broke Up With Her

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posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 07:48 PM
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Originally posted by RValko
What really shocks me is how the others on this forum describe healthy sex as being something that happens with multiple partners over a period of time until you get it right. Sex is becoming a purely physical act to produce physical pleasure and nothing more. What about a time when sex was giving all of yourself to one specific person to share with and become one with.


What time exactly would that be?


I don't think it's old fashion to believe sex should be saved for one person that your share forever with. Now a days people get married and divorced as fast as the seasons change. Nobody teaches what real love is anymore, or how to work through the problems and difficulties that arise, now it's just trade in when ever things go wrong.


Old fashioned, not so much. marriage had little to nothing to do with love and was little more than a business arrangement. More frequently than not featuring infidelity because couples were not married because they were in love.


Statistics prove that children who come from families in which the parents are either divorced or were never married to begin with, are much more likely to not only repeat the pattern but also to progressively get worse and lead to crime and mental disease.


True but that is just as much true because of a poorly constructed society where wealth and property ownership are instrumental in your ability to survive.


There is a reason that our world is deteriorating and crime is at an all time high, regardless of belief system, the human eco system is set up for a man and a woman's bodies to produce offspring. Much like how things work in the animal Kingdom, if one of the sexes of that animal didn't follow it's role whatever that may be, that animals bloodline would die off. Science shows us perfect examples of why and how families need to operate in order to prosper and survive within our larger ecosystem.


Crime is acting in the most natural way. Here is a hint laws were constructed to keep the weakest members of society from losing their possessions from the strongest. There is nothing natural about modern society, you are confusing natural human behavior to behaviors required to sustain an unnatural societal model.




posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 08:10 PM
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reply to post by AllPraiseToHarith
 


Good heavens! You have no filter at all........This is this man's daughter! I hope he is furious at what you said. I would be. I cannot believe your lack of tact and your air of "moral superiority". Whether you agree or disagree with someone, certainly there is a better way than attacking him and his daughter.....She's a kid, and kids make mistakes. What's your excuse?



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 08:22 PM
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This would be consider normal from where I'm from. I remember losing my virginity in my early teens and feel that the best way to accept it is that I'm both growing up and maturing. Sex is not evil. But you have to be responsible.




posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 08:31 PM
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reply to post by AllPraiseToHarith
 



a child is not born into this world with an innate sense to # at the age of 15.


Actually, they are and they do.

I remember how badly I wanted to have sex at 15, it was physically painful at times.

You sound like quite the repressed human being.



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 08:40 PM
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reply to post by AllPraiseToHarith
 


I think I know what your problem is.

You have a girlfriend with whom you are in love with and she keeps sleeping around on you--and now you're a misogynist.

Am I close?



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 09:09 PM
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I have a daughter who went through this, well somewhat. They didn't break up right away, but did within six months of them becoming intimate. It IS hard to watch your daughter get her heart broken. It SUCKS, bad. However, I wouldn't blame the BOY. He is only 15 and we ALL know what the majority of 15 year olds have on their minds!

My girl was almost 17 when this happened to her. He was the QB, she the captain of the varsity cheer squad. Match made in heaven, right? WRONG. He was controlling, manipulative, and made my VERY beautiful daughter feel bad about herself. I liked her BF too, until after they broke up. It took a lot to stop my husband from wringing the kids neck, because I wanted to do it first!

After about a week, she was FINE. She knew she was too good for him, in every way, and she REALLY regretted doing the deed with him as her first. She still regrets it, but I just remind her that at the time she loved that boy and that she cannot deny how she felt, AT THAT TIME.

Just support her, be there for her as a shoulder to cry on, but WHAT EVER YOU DO, DO NOT BAD MOUTH THAT KID!! Chances are, they will get back together, and then she won't tell you squat, because you "hate him." Trust me on this, because this is EXACTLY what happened after my girl got back together with Johnny Football. Needless to say, their reunion didn't last very long. She ended up dating a semi-pro skater kid for a little bit (totally p'od the QB, lol) and just sort of came into her own.

She really enjoyed her senior year, as a SINGLE girl, and went on dates with friends. She had a date to the dances, etc. but turned down the several invites to prom in order to enjoy it with her girlfriends instead. Now, she is just "dating" a guy who is a senior this year and he treats her very well, but they are NOT serious and NOT intimate. She's not really into having that sort of relationship with anyone after all she went through with the QB kid.

Remember 1. DO NOT blame or bad mouth that boy. 2. DO NOT put her on a pedestal and 3. Take her to get put on the pill, or better yet, get her an IUD or BC implant. CONDOMS, while great, BREAK. That's when daddy becomes a grand-daddy and I can tell you all are NOT ready for that! Also, I would encourage her to talk with her mother. Unless she is a total nut, she should be able to give her advice that only a mother (and a woman) can give.

Good luck! The latter teen years are HELL. Especially with girls! This is just the tip of the iceberg, wait until she is 17 or 18...then the fun REALLY begins!



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 09:11 PM
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Originally posted by Metallicus
She told me it was a 'logical' choice for her because she really loves/loved this guy and she didn't want to end up doing it with someone later in life that she didn't care for like she did him.


Not a criticism, but it seems that you forgot to tell her that she will fall in love more than once.



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 09:36 PM
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Originally posted by Metallicus
My fifteen year old daughter had sex with her boy friend...maybe 4-5 times and then be broke up with her. I really never expected this would happen to me as a father. She is very smart, somewhat conservative and we had all the talks about waiting and I trusted her to do just that. Last night she told me about her having sex with her boy friend and that they broke up. I feel heartbroken and also as if I failed her.

I really thought she was listening to me. I may have made some mistakes along the way. I told her I would love her no matter what which in retrospect almost seems like condoning what she did. I also gave her condoms just in case for her and her friends. I didn't expect for her to use them (although I found out she did which is a good thing). I did these things to be realistic. I did these things because I love her. Now I wonder if I didn't make it easy for her.

When she told me I think I must have turned white as a ghost. I didn't react. I wanted to be 'cool' about it. I felt good that she had trust in me to tell me even at the same time I was really disappointed in her. I knew enough not to judge. She told me it was a 'logical' choice for her because she really loves/loved this guy and she didn't want to end up doing it with someone later in life that she didn't care for like she did him.

I actually like this guy. He is smart and is probably going places, but like most 15 year old boys he rally wasn't ready for a relationship. He used my daughter and then discarded her. I really feel like crap because I warned her of this very thing. She is a smart girl...I just don't understand this.

Anyway, I needed to vent a little and share. She hasn't told my wife so I can't talk to my wife about this. My daughter trusted me and told me to tell no one. Only her two best friends know other than me.

What say you ATS? This community is a lot like a surrogate family to me. I am confused. Angry. Proud? I am not sure. Lots of emotions. I am trying to process all of this right now. Your thoughts would be appreciated.
edit on 2013/9/1 by Metallicus because: Spelling Error


Buddy, I feel your pain. I'm not a father, but I have a niece in a very similar situation. In all honesty, feel good that she waited until she was 15. Kids are expressing their emotions sexually at the average age of 14 these days and some being in the single digits. Personally, I lost mine when I was 16 and my girlfriend at the time was 17, but I'm a good guy and we dated long into college. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson (him dumping her after he got what he really wanted) and keep her legs closed for the next couple guys who try to 'woo' her. I'm not trying to be disrespectful to your daughter, but girls these days are nuts when it comes to sex...you may want to get her involved with politics and keep her away from the Kardashians and other sexual programming. It's all going to come down to what she wants, her strength of will, and the standards that she sets for herself. So in all reality, you shant be too hard on yourself and should trust your daughters decisions, without being complacent to those actions....give her condoms, but don't let her watch sexual acts and stuff on TV, limit her use of the internet, monitor her Facebook page (get one yourself and become friends with her...that's all), and watch who she associates with. You'd also have an easier time if you open up your home to her and her friends to have social time outside of school...it'll give you a chance to meet and evaluate her friends and intermittently and nonchalantly monitor their social behavior. Don't be judgmental of her friends and don't actually spy on her...she'll hide more things from you if you do. Just be open, be kind, find things you can relate to her through socially (like Facebook...without constantly posting on her page), etc.

Just trust her...youre obviously doing something right...she did tell you after all. :-)



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 10:20 PM
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Originally posted by Mianeye
My doughter is 19 now, she went through what you just described at the same age or so.
I just said to her- That was the first one, you propably going to meet more of that kind before you meet the right one...Have fun but be careful.

Sex is a good thing not a bad thing, she will be fine just like my little girl is fine, they learn some valuable lesson's during their life, tell her to remember those lesson's, and she will end up doing great.

Don't blame youself, enjoy your kid growing up

edit on 1-9-2013 by Mianeye because: (no reason given)


Yes, exactly. No friendship, relationship, marriage or anything is ever perfect. These things happen. It's not like someone's first time has to be shrouded in perfection, with someone they're fully in love with and they revel in their youthful love. Part of the problem for some people is they see sex, especially virginity like this important thing that has to be given at the right moment to the right person. But really it's sex, and we all end up having quite a bit of it in our lives.



posted on Sep, 2 2013 @ 10:23 PM
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Originally posted by ProfessorChaos
reply to post by Metallicus
 


I'm going to say just one thing here, and that is: You need to tell your wife.

Parents are supposed to be united in the way that they deal with their children and with their children's problems.

Besides, she's her daughter too, and maybe between the two of you, you can find a way to cope with this properly.

You may not think so, but your daughter will get over you discussing this with her mother, your wife on the other hand, may not be too thrilled with you not telling her something this important.

Other than that, I got nothing. Good luck!


I totally disagree with that. Trust is trust. Fathers and mothers can have very different relationships with their daughters/sons. It's not realistic to expect both parents to be equals in the children's eyes 100% of the time. There may be times she'll approach her mother for other things. I would not tell.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 06:30 AM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 07:12 AM
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Wow, some of the responses to this thread are vile and repulsive.

OP, I hope you can ignore the creepy weird rude people and focus on the positives here.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 08:06 AM
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I gotta give you credit. Clearly you have a good relationship with your daughter otherwise she would not have told you. It sucks that that happened but it might be good for her in the long run as i'm sure she will be a bit more picky in the future.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 11:54 AM
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When I was 15 I didn't even have a conversation with my parents about safe sex because I was a kid....and knew that!

If I did that my father would have swiped his leather belt across my ass, my mother would have been disgusted with me and they might have even threatened to call the police or bring me to the head teacher so as to seriously embarrass me.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 12:11 PM
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I am not sure what kind of support do you want from here. You were the one who gave her the condoms. You don't give somebody the car keys and expect the car to stay in the garage, eh!


edit on 3-9-2013 by BristolStew because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 12:22 PM
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Holy crap people, she had sex...she didn't kill someone.

Some of the responses here just show how backwards some people are.

OP, you did the right thing, you prepared her, she followed your advice, and she told you about it. I doubt any father would be thrilled about knowing his daughter is now a woman...but that's life...and I think you are handling it well. The worst thing you could have done was blow up at her and make her feel like she did something bad.

I honestly don't believe I just read someone reply saying that she let you down....I feel so bad for that persons children.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 12:28 PM
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I'm not sure why this is all being put on the boy. Unless he was a lot older or something. If they were the same age then likely he maybe just as hurt, and maybe she broke up with him. Truth is women have as many or more one night stands as guys do. I'm sorry to point out the obvious here but the boy shouldn't get a bad wrap unless there was some proof that he intended to do this maliciously



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 01:31 PM
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I personally think sex at this age is bad.. exploring is different from committing and having an intercourse.

I never ventured into sexual intercourse at this age(far i got was kiss).. probably because i had education as priority.

If i had daughters(i hope not!), i will make sure no serious relationship until they are done University.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 02:15 PM
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Originally posted by LUXUS
When I was 15 I didn't even have a conversation with my parents about safe sex because I was a kid....and knew that!

If I did that my father would have swiped his leather belt across my ass, my mother would have been disgusted with me and they might have even threatened to call the police or bring me to the head teacher so as to seriously embarrass me.


That's because people were borderline mentally challenged back then.

Actually, I discipline my daughter the same way every time she poops or allows her cells to divide.



posted on Sep, 3 2013 @ 02:58 PM
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Originally posted by Metallicus
I appreciate the responses. She is actually going to be fine. Her dad might take a little longer, lol.

I guess the biggest thing is it took my by surprise. I suppose she did everything right. She used protection and made sure it was someone she cared about. I'm the one that wasn't ready.

I am proud that she felt she could tell me. At least I know that she can tell me just about anything she needs help with now and in the future. I will be there for her always and I am glad she knows that at least. Hopefully the don't get pregnant as a teenager message will resonate better.
edit on 2013/9/1 by Metallicus because: ETA


Mate, you are a dad to a girl, you are bound to be angry and looking for answers, it's kind of expected. The trouble is, when you were younger, you might have been that horny 15 year old? It happens and has done probably since the sun first set on a couple of teenage humans.



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