reply to post by Metallicus
We all try to do our best as parents. Sometimes our kids surprise us by being smart and polite and ethical. Sometimes they have teen-sex or do drugs
or run off. When they do that, it's our parenting that needs to change. Your daughter is a minor and, depending on your State, probably below the
age of consent. If that is the case, then your daughter did not have a right to consent.
Still, it's over and you don't want to do anything rash. I get that. Still, my advice is:
1) Tell your wife. You made a promise to honor her, not your daughter. Don't make this situation worse by keeping secrets from the lady who is
supposed to be your partner. Maybe you can get your daughter to share the situation with your wife? Your wife should be forewarned so she doesn't
2a) Take your daughter out for the day; just you and her. Tell her that she has to go to the gynecologist. DO NOT get her birth control. Get her a
well woman exam for a sexually active teenager. Ask for all possible outcomes. That means that your daughter will receive pre-test HIV counseling,
along with a variety of other counseling about STDs and teen pregnancy. Do not consent to birth control during this visit. Let that be a
conversation for another day.
2b) Then take your daughter out for lunch and, spur of the moment, buy her a new phone. A phone that you will have chosen earlier, that you and the
people at the phone store will have set up with GPS-tracking. Yeah, I know, breach-of-trust. I also like to call it parenting. You dropped the ball
once. Don't let it happen again. If you have more kids, do the same thing for them on another shopping trip.
2c) Get your daughter a copy of "Forever" by Judy Blume. Encourage her to read it ASAP.
3a) When you get the test results back, be sure that mom and daughter have had the talk. Go over the results as parents and child and be ready for
some bad news, but hope for the best.
3b) If anything does show up in those test results, please share the results with the boy and his parents. It's the right thing to do. Please take
a moment to let the Department of Public Health know that the boy is an STD carrier, so that any other partners he has had may be notified.
4a) Don't punish her or reward her. Just let her know that she #ed up and that you are disappointed in her and yourself. Leave it at that.
4b) Get your daughter a babysitting job. With babies. Little tiny babies. Get her trained for babysitting babies. Infant CPR. The whole nine.
Then make sure that she is working every Friday and Saturday night. Take time to bring her dinner and check on her every night, so she knows that she
And chin up. It's not our failures that define us, but how we adjust and react to them.