15 Y/O Daughter Lost Virginity to Boyfriend Then He Broke Up With Her

Sex isn't the most highest, it should be the personality, to win a female over completely so she would want to stay with you forever, become a mother to your children and supporting your efforts so you can pay the bills or the other way around in a more modern household. She isn't her body which had something and then she lost it to some guy even though many guys would want others to believe that so they appear to have something.

If that (her personality taken away) didn't happen then there is not much to worry about, she didn't lose her personality, she's not hanging on the guys wall like a trophy, he got nothing but a memory of her and maybe in time he'll learn how to love a woman right.

And what others are saying your wife should be no.1 and you shouldn't allow yourself to be used by your daughter, tell her it's bad of her trying to force you in not telling your wife and daughters shouldn't try to control their dads and she has to tell her mother too or else you will not be so close anymore in the future since you can only be close to eachother when there are no secrets.

And last but not least she may listen, but that is not the same as actually doing something the other told. Don't be let down; you wanted her to have a good first experience and being in a stable relationship and being somewhat older would give more of a guarantee. But ultimately sex isn't the way to romantic love, it's not only about how two bodies can fit (if only because every male/female body is compatible) but two minds and then two souls as well and also important to mention what they contribute in society when they are united.

You didn't fail. You handled it well.

That she told you is a good sign. I think it's good advice to ask her to tell it to her mother.

I can't judge on the event itself. Whatever it is bad or not. But she seems to be okay with it herself.

You did what you could, you can't really beat yourself up over it. And rest assured you didn't make it any easier for her to do. You made responsible choices all the way around and in turn your daughter made an informed decision and acted responsibly herself. I think every parent would wish for abstinence until marriage for their children, the reality is that isn't going to happen. There are reasons marriages at a young age were so common and most of them probably revolve around the fact horny teenagers have a really hard time keeping their parts to themselves. One of the problems with guiding your children in this area is that often they do not understand the emotional consequences that follow the act. One of the hardest things for any parent to do is letting their children fail on their own. Your young daughter may have failed to abstain from sex, but that isn't really what you should be looking at. Because she succeeded at not only doing it responsibly, but when the emotional burden of the following events became too much she talked to you about it.

P.S. Do not tell your wife. You should encourage your daughter to, but it is not something you should do. IF you do you will damage your daughters ability to trust you, and she will just simply start shutting you out of those important conversations.

You did what you could do by teaching her to be safe, and you should be proud that she listened.
You left obviously have good communication with her, and she must feel safe being open and honest with you, you should be proud that she trust and loves you enough. How many 15 y/o girls are really telling their parents their having sex?

All I would say is make sure mentally she's ok, kids get all the physical consequences beat into them about std's and pregnancy but no one takes the time to explains how emotional it is. How vulnerable or exposed you could feel afterwards. Hell I still know adults that can't handle the emotional aspects of sex. I would say you should be proud if her for coming to you, my daughter will be 15 in two months and we talk to her all the time about sex drugs and alcohol. No we don't want her doing any of the above anytime soon but we want her to feel comfortable enough to know that if she ever gets in to a situation where she does that she can call us.

Originally posted by fr33kSh0w2012

Originally posted by sapien82


Not saying this is exactly how it goes but , 15 year old girls want sex just as much as 15 yr old boys !
be happy that she told you and did have sex with someone she loves !

You cant just think it was the boy who broke up after he got what he wanted
maybe your daughter dumped him after she got what she wanted

Yep your daughter dumped him after she got what she wanted which is what they do 99% of the time because they flip out and can't believe what they felt unlike poor old guys like me that can't feel a thing from the waist down even though I can still walk! I'm a walking paraplegic!

What's your feelings got to do with his daughter or my post?

care to explain? you have mad issues !

15 is probably about the average age these days most places for kids having sex for the first time. Some a lot younger in fact, so I don't think there is anything terribly unusual.

The important thing is to stress how important it is that she used condoms.

Nobody can stop their teenaged children having sex, just make sure they do it like proper responsible grown-ups.

As a woman who has had daughters and grand -daughters it has always puzzled
me that such an artificial/high value is placed on 'virginity'! and often wonder if
it is a 'man thing' ... as in it is always referred to as 'taken' or 'given'

Not being au fait in such matters, but I believe that in prostitution a 'virgin' is of
higher value than one of experience? ... yet that doesn't bode well in other
professions, a doctor? a dentist? a lawyer? all preferred with experience under
their belts.

So if 'virginity' didn't hold this 'artificial value' it would just be another hurdle
(learning curve) for the human male/female like

# weaning
# potty training
# school
# driving
# earning a living etc. etc...
Each stage being achieved when the person was ready and mature enough.


OP your girl will be fine but she needs to know that you and your wife are
as close as you are with her!

I feel sorry for you, being disappointed and all that but to be honest, its called life, you should tell her to use it as a 'life experience' and use it to make more informed decisions next time. But any parent is protective of their child, you've done the best you could but it happens.
Move on and tell her you were like that at that age, everybody is. Maybe next time we may not be so gullible or trusting of others, but we all learn from our mistakes.

reply to post by trinityalways


Thanks for saying what I was thinking. To the OP:

This situation is very common and sadly, I do believe there are a lot of young women looking for love and connection that end up very hurt. This isn't just about being safe with one's body so as to not get disease or an unwanted pregnancy, but what is going on with your daughters heart. I think it might be very important to look for any changes in behavior, and see if she is involved in other things or does she end up boyfriend hopping?

I have three girls, and one of them found out the hard way just how fickle a boy can be. My other two because of what their older sister has gone through want nothing to do with boys at this time, and see it as stupid to get involved in high school when they have a lot more to focus on now. I am more concerned about your daughters self esteem, respect, and trusting mom and dad.

We've actually known about the emotional consequences of sex for a long time. Dr. Armand Nicholi, Jr., clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, describes a study he helped to carry out in the 1960s:

"Not long after the sexual revolution was underway, clinicians observed that the new sexual freedom was creating a psychological disaster. We began to study Harvard students who complained of emptiness and despondency. "There was a gap between their social conscience and the morality they were practicing in their personal lives. The new sexual permissiveness was leading to empty relationships and feelings of self-contempt. Many of these students were preoccupied with the passing of time and with death. They yearned for meaning, for a moral framework. "When some of them moved away from moral relativism to a system of clear values — typically embracing a drug-free lifestyle and a strict sexual code — they reported that their relationships with the opposite sex improved, as did relations with peers in general, relationships with their parents, and their academic performance."7 The Harvard study, besides showing the negative effects of uncommitted sex, also shows that individuals can choose to change their sexual behavior and reap the rewards of sexual self-discipline.

Source

Originally posted by PLAYERONE01
reply to post by boncho

 

lol, you straight out accused the male of "using" the female to gain sexual gratification based on this one sided second hand piece of evidence.

Yeah, that's what we do, we have a little hormone called testosterone. You can inject women with it, see what happens. Women have estrogen and progesterone, which makes them think they deserve to know everything.

Gossip, go figure.

If god were making sexes equal, he wouldn't have made sexes.

Wow, put "15 yr old girl" and "loses virginity" in the same headline and see how interested people get... thus not surprising it happened to her.

The only odd thing is that she trusts you and told you... kids can be smart and they'll still do stupid stuff to see for themselves (if they have a good, skeptical mind).

Though having sex when your body is screaming at you to do so isn't exactly stupid, and as long as she's healthy and not pregnant, then it's simply a learning/teaching experience... like learning she's lucky to have been born in a more enlightened time and place where her intact hymen isn't the sum total of her worth.

Oh, and by the way, I've never experienced an intact hymen before, but believe people who say they exist.

edit: No quip "pics or it didn't happen" yet?

Originally posted by Metallicus
My fifteen year old daughter had sex with her boy friend...maybe 4-5 times and then be broke up with her. I really never expected this would happen to me as a father. She is very smart, somewhat conservative and we had all the talks about waiting and I trusted her to do just that. Last night she told me about her having sex with her boy friend and that they broke up. I feel heartbroken and also as if I failed her.

I really thought she was listening to me. I may have made some mistakes along the way. I told her I would love her no matter what which in retrospect almost seems like condoning what she did. I also gave her condoms just in case for her and her friends. I didn't expect for her to use them (although I found out she did which is a good thing). I did these things to be realistic. I did these things because I love her. Now I wonder if I didn't make it easy for her.

When she told me I think I must have turned white as a ghost. I didn't react. I wanted to be 'cool' about it. I felt good that she had trust in me to tell me even at the same time I was really disappointed in her. I knew enough not to judge. She told me it was a 'logical' choice for her because she really loves/loved this guy and she didn't want to end up doing it with someone later in life that she didn't care for like she did him.

I actually like this guy. He is smart and is probably going places, but like most 15 year old boys he rally wasn't ready for a relationship. He used my daughter and then discarded her. I really feel like crap because I warned her of this very thing. She is a smart girl...I just don't understand this.

Anyway, I needed to vent a little and share. She hasn't told my wife so I can't talk to my wife about this. My daughter trusted me and told me to tell no one. Only her two best friends know other than me.

What say you ATS? This community is a lot like a surrogate family to me. I am confused. Angry. Proud? I am not sure. Lots of emotions. I am trying to process all of this right now. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

edit on 2013/9/1 by Metallicus because: Spelling Error

I know this is a hard thing, and I am not a father myself but I feel you did everything you could have done as a parent. As much as I agree, teens should not be engaging in sexual activity at such a young age it does happen, and in reality no matter how parents go about talks it is going to happen. Teenagers are curious, and trying to grow up so fast these days. They are trying to take control of their own lives, and as much as this is a necessary part of growing up mistakes both from a parents perspective as well as a the teens perspective are bound to happen. We can not learn in life with out making mistakes. If no one ever made a mistake we would never learn and grow from our mistakes.

I feel you have succeeded as a father. You have not failed your daughter or yourself. You provided a person to confide in, as well as all the necessary means to protect one self. I am actually very proud of you. I do not agree with your daughters choice to have sex, but given the circumstances she will both learn from the situation, and continue to confide in you and look to you for support and guidance.

Both you and I were teenage boys at one point, we are aware of how we can act. We are also aware of the irresponsibility that hangs on a young mans shoulders for many years before he becomes a man. The best advice I can give you is keep being you. You handled this situation very well, both before and after the fact. One thing I fear now that I'm engaged, marriage is on the way, and kids to follow I worry very much about having a daughter. I am extremely protective and with the way the world seems to be evolving I'm terrified. I only wish I am able to handle future situations the same as you. I have a lot of respect for you, and admire you're ability to communicate and keep your cool in this situation.

I am not the man you are, I would have probably flipped my lid both at my daughter and the young man. How ever I have not had any experience as a parent and only hope I am able to grow and adapt as you have.

You're a great father, continue to be all you can be. You're daughter is the most important, in this situation and though you may disagree with her choice you seem to be doing a bang up job mate!!!

its funny how most people in here are acting like women are retards that cant make a decision, how dare that evil boy have sex with a willing female, it was as much her fault as his for the break up.

What really shocks me is how the others on this forum describe healthy sex as being something that happens with multiple partners over a period of time until you get it right. Sex is becoming a purely physical act to produce physical pleasure and nothing more. What about a time when sex was giving all of yourself to one specific person to share with and become one with.

I don't think it's old fashion to believe sex should be saved for one person that your share forever with. Now a days people get married and divorced as fast as the seasons change. Nobody teaches what real love is anymore, or how to work through the problems and difficulties that arise, now it's just trade in when ever things go wrong.

Statistics prove that children who come from families in which the parents are either divorced or were never married to begin with, are much more likely to not only repeat the pattern but also to progressively get worse and lead to crime and mental disease.

There is a reason that our world is deteriorating and crime is at an all time high, regardless of belief system, the human eco system is set up for a man and a woman's bodies to produce offspring. Much like how things work in the animal Kingdom, if one of the sexes of that animal didn't follow it's role whatever that may be, that animals bloodline would die off. Science shows us perfect examples of why and how families need to operate in order to prosper and survive within our larger ecosystem.

She trusts you, that is priceless. Just remember your own experiences and how hard it's to grow. Forget your ego.

Who would announce to the whole world something of this nature...? A NINCOMPOOP thats who. What is wrong with you ? other names come to mind, geesh .......

reply to post by Metallicus


We all try to do our best as parents. Sometimes our kids surprise us by being smart and polite and ethical. Sometimes they have teen-sex or do drugs or run off. When they do that, it's our parenting that needs to change. Your daughter is a minor and, depending on your State, probably below the age of consent. If that is the case, then your daughter did not have a right to consent.

Still, it's over and you don't want to do anything rash. I get that. Still, my advice is:

1) Tell your wife. You made a promise to honor her, not your daughter. Don't make this situation worse by keeping secrets from the lady who is supposed to be your partner. Maybe you can get your daughter to share the situation with your wife? Your wife should be forewarned so she doesn't explode.

2a) Take your daughter out for the day; just you and her. Tell her that she has to go to the gynecologist. DO NOT get her birth control. Get her a well woman exam for a sexually active teenager. Ask for all possible outcomes. That means that your daughter will receive pre-test HIV counseling, along with a variety of other counseling about STDs and teen pregnancy. Do not consent to birth control during this visit. Let that be a conversation for another day.

2b) Then take your daughter out for lunch and, spur of the moment, buy her a new phone. A phone that you will have chosen earlier, that you and the people at the phone store will have set up with GPS-tracking. Yeah, I know, breach-of-trust. I also like to call it parenting. You dropped the ball once. Don't let it happen again. If you have more kids, do the same thing for them on another shopping trip.

2c) Get your daughter a copy of "Forever" by Judy Blume. Encourage her to read it ASAP.

3a) When you get the test results back, be sure that mom and daughter have had the talk. Go over the results as parents and child and be ready for some bad news, but hope for the best.

3b) If anything does show up in those test results, please share the results with the boy and his parents. It's the right thing to do. Please take a moment to let the Department of Public Health know that the boy is an STD carrier, so that any other partners he has had may be notified.

4a) Don't punish her or reward her. Just let her know that she #ed up and that you are disappointed in her and yourself. Leave it at that.

4b) Get your daughter a babysitting job. With babies. Little tiny babies. Get her trained for babysitting babies. Infant CPR. The whole nine. Then make sure that she is working every Friday and Saturday night. Take time to bring her dinner and check on her every night, so she knows that she is loved.


And chin up. It's not our failures that define us, but how we adjust and react to them.

reply to post by Metallicus


My daughter trusted me and told me to tell no one. ?????????????????

So you put it on ATS?????????? Nuff said

and isnt she a minor, this post should be illegal.