posted on Aug, 26 2013 @ 06:37 PM
For too long I have tried to hold it all together for the sake of our two young boys....stupid...I know.
12 years....it will be 13 this coming March but, today...finally today....I accepted that it's too unhealthy for all involved to continue this
I want out..I've wanted out for awhile if I'm honest with myself. I just tried so hard to give my kids a life of stability and comfort that I
wasn't familiar with growing up....I honestly convinced myself that I was doing the best thing for all of us.
Funny how our own minds can trick ourselves into believing what we want to believe isn't it?
Funny or tragic - depending on one's perspective.
I'm far from perfect and have made my own mistakes in this relationship....mainly by trying to become someone that I never felt I was suppose to
become. I own that and realize that I am part of the problem.
I wasn't suppose to have children but, when it happened....I thought that it meant I was suppose to change myself....embrace the miracle and what
So.....I changed everything about myself to become the best mother I knew how to be...and when I say everything about myself..I mean just about
everything. Every fiber of my being! I put everything into becoming the best wife, the best mother that I could ever be.
I gave up my career to stay at home and take care of my little miracles because the thought of them being taken care of by strangers sent chills
through my bones....I will never regret that choice...EVER!
However, it has left me with a void.....I've lost myself...and now my marriage is over too.
I'm no stranger the bumps in life...not by a long shot but, this situation has my head in a tailspin because it's not just my life that my decisions
effect.....it effects the lives of the very souls I changed my life for....my little miracles.
I'm rambling...I know.
I'm just trying to come to grips with the fact that I screwed up by trying to do what I thought was right. Turns out it was the worst thing I could
have done for all involved.