Innocence is completely dead

Its been a while since I really vented here, huh? Dija miss me?

Anyway... I'm sure I'll get a lot of flak here, because coming from the perspectives of some folks who may be older than me, or may have experienced more than me, I only sound like a judgmental prat on a high horse. But I assure you, I've screwed up a ton, and I've regretted it, and I've done my best to make up for it.

But I am a virgin.

My fiance and I both are.

We have been together 4+ years, still waiting, still planning for the future.

Innocence and decency are very important to the both of us to maintain. Especially if we ever want to start a family some day. And the funny thing is, we're both goth/punk youngsters, we're the scary ones who used to make dead baby jokes, we're the type that most ordinary folks avoid. We're the last ones you'd think would be anything anywhere near decent.

The thing that steered us straight was huge--it was a thing that steers most people down the wrong path, but somehow, managed to skew us onto the right one.

I am the only person my age (other than my fiance) I know to be a virgin. Almost fresh out of high school. I am the only one to have turned away some kind of substance. And, I am the only activist I know personally. I am completely alone in regards to the worldly things I care for, and almost alone in my morality. My fiance is the only other person I know who truly values monogamy, and who truly believes that he and I should belong to one another intimately, and no one else. Both of our families are pretty screwed up--pushers, scrappers, felons, etc.

Both of us are terrified of becoming them.

That's one of the reasons why we're moving away from our families, to another state.

My mother, brother, and sister are coming too. I don't want my bro and sis growing up the way I did, and my mother has been dying to move back to her home state since my father cheated on her (numerous times) and broke her heart. She wasn't perfect, they both crossed a lot of lines with one another, but more to the point--I will not be a part of this hate-filled self-indulgent cycle of sin and selfishness anymore.

My fiance and I just found out that someone extremely close to us--someone who's helped us through rough times, the most decent human being alive to us--is a prostitute, and a drug dealer. It destroyed us.

I've found out things like that about loved ones before... it hurts, but whatever.

My fiance was never a *family* person. And he was much closer to this person than I was.

It destroyed him.

And you know something?

Because I have these values, and I dare to speak them, I'm on a high-horse. I'm just a dumb kid who has no clue what the world is, or who I'm gonna be twenty years down the road. I'm the devil, because I dare to try harder than the rest.

Well, guess what?

I DO know what I'm gonna be. Not every detail, mind you.

But I know damn well what I'm NOT gonna be.

That's been burned into me as long as I can remember.

I will never slip into a drug&drinking lifestyle.

I will never sell myself.

I will never cheat.

I will never fall short of the morals and standards I set for myself, and more to the point, I won't blame others--especially my own freaking KIDS--for my mistakes.

Neither of us will.

So, yeah, I'm young, I don't know everything. I get that.

But at least I'm trying to be better.

That's more than anyone can say about any judgmental hypocrites who cut me down for my beliefs.

We are gonna kick the world's ass, no matter how many times the world kicks ours first.

And we are gonna break away from this sick cycle. Forever.

There, self-indulgent rant of the month complete.

Thanks for providing me a venting ground, ATS.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I say good on you friend

You have a good head on your shoulders imo. This life we were handed is so confusing to me sometimes...well majority of the time.. but I gotta play the hand I was dealt and become a better person from what I've learned.

That's good that you see what you don't wanna be and thrive not to be them good luck to you and yours and your family.

Originally posted by natalia
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

I say good on you friend

You have a good head on your shoulders imo. This life we were handed is so confusing to me sometimes...well majority of the time..

but I gotta play the hand I was dealt and become a better person from what I've learned.

That's good that you see what you don't wanna be and thrive not to be them

good luck to you and yours and your family.

Thanks sis

ATS has a few decent ones too, gives me massive amounts of hope... you've no idea

Love you guys

never apologise for sticking to what you believe and know is right.
from what seen of your posts youve already gone far in rising above the negativity around you.. its never an easy path .. but with your determination and character you will go far in life .. hold fast and dont let the naysayers get you down .. learn the lessons along the way from the obstacles in your path.. it will make you stronger and a better person

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX





'Kudos' to you for retaining your standards in spite of those around you. I am very

aware that standards have been eroded, and now barely exist in many areas of

society

It can only benefit you in the long term, and will be a strength to you when you hit

the 'lows' as we all do from time to time.

You have given me back my faith in human nature that there are still people

around like yourself ... and that a 'book should never be judged by it's cover

I wish you 'good luck' and happiness for the future ... but I've a feeling you'll get there

without it!!

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Good for you... so far.

No need to throw your pearls before swine, they don't care one way or another.

Never say never.

You are young and life is life long.

Good start. I wish I had such wisdom when I was young.

Now is the toughest of times for people to remain virtuous.

Hang in there.

Thanks guys... ATS has some of the greatest people I've ever known.

Much better than most people I know in real life. Ya'll are amazing.

Even the negative feedback I sometimes get helps in a strange way.

A wise knowledge seeker seeks many advisors.

That's ATS.

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX
Its been a while since I really vented here, huh? Dija miss me?

Anyway... I'm sure I'll get a lot of flak here, because coming from the perspectives of some folks who may be older than me, or may have experienced more than me, I only sound like a judgmental prat on a high horse. But I assure you, I've screwed up a ton, and I've regretted it, and I've done my best to make up for it.

But I am a virgin.

My fiance and I both are.

We have been together 4+ years, still waiting, still planning for the future.

Innocence and decency are very important to the both of us to maintain. Especially if we ever want to start a family some day. And the funny thing is, we're both goth/punk youngsters, we're the scary ones who used to make dead baby jokes, we're the type that most ordinary folks avoid. We're the last ones you'd think would be anything anywhere near decent.

The thing that steered us straight was huge--it was a thing that steers most people down the wrong path, but somehow, managed to skew us onto the right one.

I am the only person my age (other than my fiance) I know to be a virgin. Almost fresh out of high school. I am the only one to have turned away some kind of substance. And, I am the only activist I know personally. I am completely alone in regards to the worldly things I care for, and almost alone in my morality. My fiance is the only other person I know who truly values monogamy, and who truly believes that he and I should belong to one another intimately, and no one else. Both of our families are pretty screwed up--pushers, scrappers, felons, etc.

Both of us are terrified of becoming them.

That's one of the reasons why we're moving away from our families, to another state.

My mother, brother, and sister are coming too. I don't want my bro and sis growing up the way I did, and my mother has been dying to move back to her home state since my father cheated on her (numerous times) and broke her heart. She wasn't perfect, they both crossed a lot of lines with one another, but more to the point--I will not be a part of this hate-filled self-indulgent cycle of sin and selfishness anymore.

My fiance and I just found out that someone extremely close to us--someone who's helped us through rough times, the most decent human being alive to us--is a prostitute, and a drug dealer. It destroyed us.

I've found out things like that about loved ones before... it hurts, but whatever.

My fiance was never a *family* person. And he was much closer to this person than I was.

It destroyed him.

And you know something?

Because I have these values, and I dare to speak them, I'm on a high-horse. I'm just a dumb kid who has no clue what the world is, or who I'm gonna be twenty years down the road. I'm the devil, because I dare to try harder than the rest.

Well, guess what?

I DO know what I'm gonna be. Not every detail, mind you.

But I know damn well what I'm NOT gonna be.

That's been burned into me as long as I can remember.

I will never slip into a drug&drinking lifestyle.

I will never sell myself.

I will never cheat.

I will never fall short of the morals and standards I set for myself, and more to the point, I won't blame others--especially my own freaking KIDS--for my mistakes.

Neither of us will.

So, yeah, I'm young, I don't know everything. I get that.

But at least I'm trying to be better.

That's more than anyone can say about any judgmental hypocrites who cut me down for my beliefs.

We are gonna kick the world's ass, no matter how many times the world kicks ours first.

And we are gonna break away from this sick cycle. Forever.

There, self-indulgent rant of the month complete.

Thanks for providing me a venting ground, ATS.

edit on 24-8-2013 by XxNightAngelusxX because: (no reason given)

Well done to you and your partner, good luck to both of you for the future, you have my respect.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Seems you don't follow peer pressure. Good for you

Keep to your moral compass and you will feel good about yourself in the future looking back.

I think you're awesome. You and your fiance. People with principles are hard to find these days. It seems nearly everyone will sell you out for the right price. I know it's a lonely road to travel, I've often felt no one would or could possibly understand who and what I was and wanted to be. The hypocrisy and falseness of the world seem everywhere and I have a hard time understanding why others don't see it too.

I went through deep depression as a teen but then found someone I really love in my early 20's, had kids and grew up. It was tough realizing that most of my bitterness was due to my own selfishness. That was a big discovery for me, one that led to trying to find empathy for everyone else (nature included).

Now I'm well beyond my best years and in declining health but I've never been happier. Reason being I always stuck to what I thought was the right thing to do and never backed down or compromised myself or my beliefs for personal gain. I've passed up what others would call big opportunities but there's certain interests I would never work for (mostly government).

Your words echo many of my own sentiments and it gives me a good feeling to know others are following their own path and rejecting anything not true to themselves. I wish you and your fiance and family all the best. Things won't be easy, count on that but if you remain true you'll be alright in the end and that's what counts.
Cheers,
ATA

Being virgin is good , innocence is rare , but

being single for so long is good ,too ?

Very good job ,btw.

I don't think there's anything wrong with not being a virgin or being a virgin.

You should do sex because you want to, and you want to do it with the person of your choice.

Not because of:

-society telling you to have sex (or not)
-peers telling you to have sex (or not)
-girlfriend or boyfriend demanding sex (or not)

I think nowadays quite some people get unsatisfied because they do it for the wrong reasons.

I still wait for the true sexual freedom.. Sexual freedom is about deciding whatever you want to have sex or not. It's not:

-sex being suppressed
-sex being pressured

Let that day come.

I can't believe all the positive feedback...

I'm really humbled, guys.

Especially @Asktheanimals

I wish I had folks like you guys as every day friends. I'm not one of those "Online friends aren't real!" people, online friends are most definitely real... but I wish I had some folks like you around in regular life, ya know?

Ya'll give me hope, that once we're away from the drama, there are better people waiting for us.

I promise you, you will fall here and there! And when you do, you will have to be strong and pick yourself up! Find HEALTHY people when you make the move! People who get you feeling good about who you are as a person! When you feel good about who you are as a person, you will find that you’re capable of just about anything. And most importantly, communicate with healthy people about your problems! Don’t hold stuff in! Talking with healthy people won’t only give you peace of mind, but also give you a better understanding of yourself. Learn ways to cope with your problems. Try to make positive choices! Just because you’re moving, doesn’t mean all your problems are going to be left behind from wherever you came from. I wish it were that easy, but in most cases; it’s not like that at all. EVERYTHING starts from “WITHIN”! You need to do what you need to do for yourself first. When you are healthy, happy, confidant, secure, at peace, etc, you will attract the same kind of people.

Peace…!

On Innocence.

We strive to become our ideals. If you create your own ideal, and strive for it, you strive to become your own art, your own creation, your own masterpiece, guided by the one hand that matters.

Doing the right thing for the right reasons is always to be commended.

Metaphorically, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Make sure your intentions aren't lost in the day to day world.

While you may have good things in mind, they can easily fall to impure reasons.

A few things.
First, "Never say never" - contemporary philosopher Justin Bieber. To elaborate, who you are today should be much different than the person who you'll be in five years, and ever more so than the person who you'll be in ten years. Your values will change. Who knows, maybe your relationship will eventually fall apart, as most do, and you'll find yourself both sexually and emotionally depraved, leading you to cheat.

On that topic, cheating is natural and serves an evolutionary purpose; we're not monogamous creatures by nature.

Maybe you'll become injured and require prescription pain meds, which will come to own you as they do so many other people. Hell, maybe you'll be plagued by tragedy, leading you to seek self displacement by any means possible to escape the pain of reality.

Second, sex is overrated. That being said, nobody cares if you have sex or not. Being sexually experienced will help you down the line because you'll be more confident of your abilities, but if you're staying a virgin for some self-righteous, holier-than-thou, purpose, then whatever; more power to you.

Third, you shouldn't pass judgment on people. How does being a whore or drug dealer change anything about a person's character? That's the equivalent of me finding out some person who behaves like a giant douche actually volunteers at homeless shelters. It doesn't change the fact that he or she is a giant douche. In your case, prostitution and dealing drugs are what your friend does to provide for herself, and it's likely something that started out of desperation. If you're unemployed and in danger of becoming homeless, you'll abandon your precious morals as well. When you lose stability in regards to your primal needs your mind will take dire measures to ensure your sustenance.

That aside, I find it ironic for you to call people judgmental hypocrites; it kind of makes you a judgmental hypocrite. The behaviors that you pass judgment on are seldom desired. No girl has a childhood dream of being a whore, just as no couple has plans of cheating on each other when the relationship is in a great phase. Don't take your privileges or your situation in life for granted; you could lose everything in an instant and end up like the very people you so vehemently judge. Plan ahead and work towards your goals, but don't ever think of yourself as better than another person.

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy

First, "Never say never" - contemporary philosopher Justin Bieber. To elaborate, who you are today should be much different than the person who you'll be in five years, and ever more so than the person who you'll be in ten years. Your values will change. Who knows, maybe your relationship will eventually fall apart, as most do, and you'll find yourself both sexually and emotionally depraved, leading you to cheat.

Never say never? Are you serious?

People who "never say never" would essentially be saying they could do anything under the sun--cheat, pop pills, drink, etc, and it wouldn't matter. No offense, but your entire mentality on this seems like an enabling cop-out.

And, no. I would find myself in the middle of a highway, jumping in front of eighteen wheelers before I ever cheated on my fiance... or anyone I ever dated. That is despicable for anyone to do. Granted, its understandable that some relationships are completely unhealthy, and the two people involved are unhappy, leading one or both of them to cheat, I understand that, believe me. I've watched it happen all my life.

But there's therapy. There's also the option of breaking it off, and not stringing the other person along with wishful lies and favors all their lives when they could be spending time finding something worth while.

You're wrong. I will never cheat.

*Never* is a strong, excellent word. Always use it.

On that topic, cheating is natural and serves an evolutionary purpose; we're not monogamous creatures by nature.

Is that right?

Statistically, monogamous folks live longer, and catch MUCH fewer diseases.

But I'm sure we're all meant to be whores.

Besides that--statistics aside--who are you to say what we're meant for? If everyone slept with everyone, we'd have a population crisis. Oh, and look at us now...

Maybe you'll become injured and require prescription pain meds, which will come to own you as they do so many other people. Hell, maybe you'll be plagued by tragedy, leading you to seek self displacement by any means possible to escape the pain of reality.

Been there, done that. Both my teeth surgery and getting run over by a police man in an SUV lead to me being prescribed hydrocodone. Both of them were extremely painful experiences, but you know what I did when my mother gave me those pills? I let them sit in the bathroom for years.

I took excedrin occasionally, when the pain was unbearable. That was all.

You know why?

Because when I was in fourth grade, I saw my cousin overdose on hydrocodone and die in my house. That lead me to believe that they probably aren't good for you. That, along with the alcohol chain in my family, scared the hell out of me.

So, once again, I will *never* become addicted to anything.

Third, you shouldn't pass judgment on people. How does being a whore or drug dealer change anything about a person's character? That's the equivalent of me finding out some person who behaves like a giant douche actually volunteers at homeless shelters. It doesn't change the fact that he or she is a giant douche. In your case, prostitution and dealing drugs are what your friend does to provide for herself, and it's likely something that started out of desperation. If you're unemployed and in danger of becoming homeless, you'll abandon your precious morals as well. When you lose stability in regards to your primal needs your mind will take dire measures to ensure your sustenance.

Are you serious?

I can't believe people think like this... HOW does that change a person's character?

It makes them immoral. THAT'S how.

Excuse me for having morals and boundries.

This friend of ours was LOOKING for drugs, asking to buy them. Not the other way around. She wasn't making any money, she was looking to get high. And, she wasn't getting paid for her "services" Oh yes, and she's in her forties. Half of the guys she's been talking to are my age.

Yeah. Immoral.

I'll judge whoever I like. I have a perspective of right and wrong.

I'm allowed that.

You shouldn't tell people to abandon their morals.

And for the record, my mother and I have been homeless before. Neither of us sold ourselves. We struggled for months before she found another job, and we were able to get by again, because she busted her ass.

All people don't abandon their morals when they're in a tight spot.

That's a pathetic cop-out in my book.

And I will *never* abandon my morals.

~

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy


Ran out of room...

That aside, I find it ironic for you to call people judgmental hypocrites; it kind of makes you a judgmental hypocrite. The behaviors that you pass judgment on are seldom desired. No girl has a childhood dream of being a whore, just as no couple has plans of cheating on each other when the relationship is in a great phase. Don't take your privileges or your situation in life for granted; you could lose everything in an instant and end up like the very people you so vehemently judge. Plan ahead and work towards your goals, but don't ever think of yourself as better than another person.

No. It doesn't.

People like you, who like to cut me down because I have certain beliefs and boundries, are judgmental hypocrites. People who think they can lecture me, while giving me the message that my morals are basically nothing, are judgmental hypocrites.

No girl has a desire to be a whore? Look at how they dress.

Look how they're indoctrinated from the cradle to act.

And about 50% of couples cheat, not to mention the various affair websites out there. A lot of people get into a relationship simply so they can cheat. They get off on it.

I've been told this by people who have done it before.

You don't find that disgusting?

I've never taken anything for granted. Things have always been unstable.

But, as long as I can withhold some kind of moral code, I will not think less of myself than I am.

Usually, the folks who don't like this are looking for excuses to screw up without feeling guilty.

That is what we call a "cop-out."

Throwing your hands in the air and giving up morality, because it makes life too hard to endure or enjoy. A lot of people do that. Seems like you have too.

I think you have it wrong.

You should try to preserve who you are when you're at your purest, most innocent stage in life.

Anything less usually never breeds anything positive.

Sooo.... lecture failed.

DestroyerDestroyerDestroyer makes excellent points. Though:

That being said, nobody cares if you have sex or not.

I guess nobody does care. But peers will pressure you, I know from experience.
I wonder why they do that.

I'm a late bloomer because of past bad experiences, trust issues and such.
Lack of attachment to parents. It wouldn't bother me much if my last parent would die.
Etc. It takes some time to heal and I'm going to do it with someone I feel comfortable with.

Some might not understand but your brain connects events with certain chemicals so it's not that easy of just changing your mindset. I have to go to repetition and repetition until I get comfortable with it.

What I'm not going to do is creating a world of amoral and moral. A world where I'm the better one.

On that topic, cheating is natural and serves an evolutionary purpose; we're not monogamous creatures by nature.

I've read that study that says women get bored with monogamous sex. I do think we are monogamous emotionally though, or it's purely nurture.

I think of swans. They stick together forever ("emotionally") but the female and ?male? will look for "pleasure" (reproduction) elsewhere.

I guess it's because of my lack of experience, but I don't understand what's so bad about cheating, only the part that it's secretive. To me sex itself isn't intimate, unless you feel intimidate to the person. Maybe I'm dead wrong, but I don't think I would be bothered with it if my partner would tell me, and if it's only about the act and not about the person.

I find amusement in psychology forums where people get really insecure about their partners opinion on them, because they fear losing them. Yes to me that's not a good thing. I don't think I will ever be such a person, could have been though, but nowadays my well-being is almost exclusively based on myself. Note how almost is underlined, because exclusively based on yourself is very hard and may very well be impossible.

But yeah what do I know?