Its been a while since I really vented here, huh? Dija miss me?
Anyway... I'm sure I'll get a lot of flak here, because coming from the perspectives of some folks who may be older than me, or may have experienced
more than me, I only sound like a judgmental prat on a high horse. But I assure you, I've screwed up a ton, and I've regretted it, and I've done my
best to make up for it.
But I am a virgin.
My fiance and I both are.
We have been together 4+ years, still waiting, still planning for the future.
Innocence and decency are very important to the both of us to maintain. Especially if we ever want to start a family some day. And the funny thing is,
we're both goth/punk youngsters, we're the scary ones who used to make dead baby jokes, we're the type that most ordinary folks avoid. We're the last
ones you'd think would be anything anywhere near decent.
The thing that steered us straight was huge--it was a thing that steers most people down the wrong path, but somehow, managed to skew us onto the
I am the only person my age (other than my fiance) I know to be a virgin. Almost fresh out of high school. I am the only one to have turned away some
kind of substance. And, I am the only activist I know personally. I am completely alone in regards to the worldly things I care for, and almost alone
in my morality. My fiance is the only other person I know who truly values monogamy, and who truly believes that he and I should belong to one another
intimately, and no one else. Both of our families are pretty screwed up--pushers, scrappers, felons, etc.
Both of us are terrified of becoming them.
That's one of the reasons why we're moving away from our families, to another state.
My mother, brother, and sister are coming too. I don't want my bro and sis growing up the way I did, and my mother has been dying to move back to her
home state since my father cheated on her (numerous times) and broke her heart. She wasn't perfect, they both crossed a lot of lines with one another,
but more to the point--I will not be a part of this hate-filled self-indulgent cycle of sin and selfishness anymore.
My fiance and I just found out that someone extremely close to us--someone who's helped us through rough times, the most decent human being alive to
us--is a prostitute, and a drug dealer. It destroyed us.
I've found out things like that about loved ones before... it hurts, but whatever.
My fiance was never a *family* person. And he was much closer to this person than I was.
It destroyed him.
And you know something?
Because I have these values, and I dare to speak them, I'm on a high-horse. I'm just a dumb kid who has no clue what the world is, or who I'm gonna be
twenty years down the road. I'm the devil, because I dare to try harder than the rest.
Well, guess what?
I DO know what I'm gonna be. Not every detail, mind you.
But I know damn well what I'm NOT gonna be.
That's been burned into me as long as I can remember.
I will never slip into a drug&drinking lifestyle.
I will never sell myself.
I will never cheat.
I will never fall short of the morals and standards I set for myself, and more to the point, I won't blame others--especially my own freaking
KIDS--for my mistakes.
Neither of us will.
So, yeah, I'm young, I don't know everything. I get that.
But at least I'm trying to be better.
That's more than anyone can say about any judgmental hypocrites who cut me down for my beliefs.
We are gonna kick the world's ass, no matter how many times the world kicks ours first.
And we are gonna break away from this sick cycle. Forever.
There, self-indulgent rant of the month complete.
Thanks for providing me a venting ground, ATS.
edit on 24-8-2013 by XxNightAngelusxX because: (no reason given)