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Originally posted by Phoenix267
I have always been interested in polyamory. The idea of that type of relationship fascinates me to the point I would enjoy to have that type of relationship in the future. So far I have purchased numerous books, watched various videos, etc. Hopefully you can picture what I'm talking about here. I recently found an article about 5 myths of polyamory and how it debunks the myths. I thought it was interesting enough to share.
I would like to see what other members think of this list and also hear their own opinions about polyamory.
Originally posted by Druid42
I subscribed to this thread as soon as I saw it, yet wondered if it would get moved to RATS or 404'd, so I waited to comment.
Polyamory is not the same as Polygamy. Polygamy is illegal, and denotes being "married" to more than one person. Sadly enough, modern society is based upon monogamy, and it's all we are taught. Anything outside of our realm of understanding is often labeled as taboo, and forbidden to explore.
I'll have to toss in 5 myths about Polyamory, without getting too personally vested in the topic, because I believe in the freedom to explore alternative lifestyles. People who have spent time in the BDSM community have a better understanding of exploring human nature, and I offer the most sincere respect to those who uphold the "Vanilla" aspect of society at large.
Myth #1: Poly people are unsatisfied
it's natural to assume there's something missing from their romance. But that doesn't appear to be the case for polyamorous individuals.
It's actually an addition to a relationship. Society deems a relationship is between two people, so it's actually a foreign concept to most to incorporate more than one other partner. Confusing? Most polys are highly intelligent, and are able to comprehend the complexity, and actually embrace it.
Myth #2: Polyamorous people are still paired up
But the primary partner/secondary partner model is an oversimplification for many poly relationships, said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont.
It's not just about sex. It's about living life together, being in a relationship, and sharing life ups and downs with others that you trust. A tri or quad income definitely has it's benefits when paying bills. Sex is just a primal need that gets resolved naturally. I'll interject that jealousy is resolved through intelligent discourse amongst members.
Myth #3: Polyamory is a way to avoid commitment
successful polyamorous partners communicate relentlessly, Holmes said: "They communicate to death." It's the only way to ensure that everyone's needs are met and no one is feeling jealous or left out in a relationship that involves many people.
Communication is the key in any monogamous relationship, and even more so in a poly arrangement. You don't hide feelings or withhold resentment. You get it out on the floor, speak your mind, and the issue is resolved. Imagine Politics in which everyone could agree with one another.
Myth #4: Polyamory is exhausting
Polyamorous people report feeling energized by their multiple relationships and say that good feelings in one translate to good feelings in others.
It's complicated, but refreshing. There's mental exercise, planning, but nothing that's not experienced in a monogamous relationship.
Myth #5: Polyamory is bad for the kids
But some early research is suggesting that polyamory doesn't have to have a bad impact on the kids. Sheff has interviewed more than 100 members of polyamorous families, including about two dozen children of polyamorous parents ranging in age from 5 to 17 years old.
What's bad for the kids is the peer review. It's the same sort of bias experienced when kids have Gay parents. There's a certain social stigma involved, unfortunately, for anything that deviates from the norm. It's why Poly relationships are very low key, and not advertised openly in the local paper. As far as Society is concerned, it's almost as "bad" as being in a homosexual relationship. Taboo.
And a reputable read.
Just be prepared to do a lot of scheduling, as time management seems to be one of the biggest headaches in open relationships.
I have lived where poygamy was legal and the norm for upper middle class families. I am aware that it is a separate institution, but it isn't totally irrelevant.
One thing about polygamy is that the co-spouses are not equal. There is always a "head wife," usually the first, who does less of the hauling water and chopping firewood, and who has preferential access to The Man.
One might be tempted to assume that such relationships are hierarchical because their hosting societies are themselves hierarchical. But Mormon sister-wives in the US report the same phenomenon. Of course, such illegal family-units must withdraw from the larger, nominally democratic culture; but when they do, they construct hierarchical societies.
Will it bother you, as the "Abraham", to see your various loves struggling to assert their dominance over each other? Just like in the Biblical story, polygamous societies bear witness to the various wives proclivities for asserting the rights of "their" offspring, against the other children in the marriage.
I know that you believe polyamory to be fundamentally different from polygamy; how will you avoid the hierarchic struggles of the other institution? Or perhaps your are not bothered by hierarchy among your loves?
And who benefited from this the most? Was she emotionally satisfied? Was she getting sincerity, even? What if something happened to her and she needed a partner's support - an extended illness or a bad accident, or even stupid life stuff, like needing a ride somewhere or a hand with painting the bathroom, etc.
Excellent point!!! As a woman who has had an aggressive breast cancer, I have to say that I am grateful that my husband stood by me for every test, every appointment, every chemo and radiation treatment. The number of all these apointments were just staggering and overwhelming. I was so exhausted from the chemo I didn't even want to get dressed, never mind go to all those apointments and treatments feeling like crap and being poked and prodded. He was there for me at every turn, for every tear and gut wrenching sadness and fear.