If Everyone Else Can Go Insane Publicly Then So Can I......

I am insane now.... just gone completely nuts.... I have to go to work tommorow and I cannot sleep, do not think I can function at work tommorow even if I did sleep. I have to iron and help my husband get ready for work at a new job tommorow and all I can do is pace and cry... cant even iron while not being able to sleep...

I wish for so many things and I cannot have them right now.... all in Gods time and not my own....

I pray for miracles..... I need a miracle..... desperately....

God gave my husband a job.... I am not mad at HIM.... but I hate myself..... I am helpless.... I am not supposed to be

reply to post by OpinionatedB


you are amongst friends here,
you are smarter than alot of people just being here,

i am sure youll find your way,

think of what you like to do,
and see if you can make money doing it.

the man who made the light bulb failed hundreds of times before it worked



i dont know you but i have faith in you

smile and things will start happening



xp

reply to post by OpinionatedB

but I hate myself..... I am helpless.... I am not supposed to be

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. If your husbund is starting a new job then that must be a good sign.
I lose my mind a few times a week, just hang in there stay strong things will get better.

I wish you well.

Sounds like maybe you have been stressed out for awhile, and you've reached your breaking point? Not insane, no.

If you just lie down, even if you can't sleep, I think you will still get some rest and maybe feel a bit better for it.

Tomorrow, talk to someone who loves you and let them know how you're feeling and see if they can come visit and help you with things. And/Or, you could phone a crisis line tonight if you'd like someone constructive to talk to.

P.S. I think your husband can iron his own suit if you really can't manage it tonight.

Good luck, it does get better, really.

reply to post by XPLodER


Its so hard to smile right now....... but thank you for trying... I did smile a bit at your post.

No, you do not know me... I am a stranger to you.... but you reached out in kindness and that was beautiful...

My daughter is very sick... cancer, she started hemorrhaging last week and she lost over half the blood in her body by the time they got her in the OR....she died and they brought her back... now just a few days later her kidneys are failing....

It is my job to protect her... and in my life I have tried so hard to do just that.... but I cannot protect her from this....

She is in so much pain, and i cannot take it away, not even the morphine pump is doing that.... I cannot protect her from one surgery after the other.... she is 22 and is in diapers, has a colostomy bag, and is so frail a puff of wind looks as if it would break her.... she weighs 83 pounds, is malnourished because she cannot eat good enough...

I feel helpless, and I love her so much I would give my life for her.... but this is not a trade I have the power to do

I am just.....

maybe selfish right now.....

Howbout, don't hate yourself.
take a break from the internet, get some air and rest up.

You'll be ok.

Oh yea, and, I have a family member that this has happened to as well. Youre not alone.

reply to post by Nephalim


right now the internet is my tv.... its keeping me from thinking too much...

its also helping somewhat to deal

reply to post by curiouscanadian777


Now that would be amazing, Nenothtu... ironing...

if he does I will take pictures... we are ats'ers... pictures or it didn't happen!

reply to post by OpinionatedB

I am so sorry for your pain. Nobody deserves what you and your daughter have been through.
Hopefully you and your husband have some people close who can support you. We can support you from here as best we can.

reply to post by OpinionatedB


I doubt you are selfish. I think taking care of yourself will help you be able to take care of others better So you have a bit of leeway there. I doubt you are selfish.

Maybe you could go on a walk and collect your thoughts away from the situation for a bit? When I used to be stressed out, I would take a notebook out into the yard or somewhere away and it would give me perspective.

And I really like the smell of potpourri, my grandmother used to keep it in fancy bowls around parts of her house.

reply to post by OpinionatedB

I feel helpless, and I love her so much I would give my life for her.... but this is not a trade I have the power to do

So, Very Sorry and myself and others here are feeling your pain.
I will log off now and I don't want to offend you, my faith is Buddhism, I will sat some prayers, burn incenses and candles and meditate.
I will do my best.

reply to post by OpinionatedB


i have not prayed for a long time,
i will pray for your child,
and for strength for you and your partner.

sometimes just sharing with a complete stranger is freeing,
i hope you can feel strong for you daughter,
i will thinking about you and her.

your smile is like medicine,
for you and her

peace and light

xploder

My thought and prayers to your daughter you and your whole family.

It's okay to go a little haywire with such things transpiring in your life. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Just take it a day at a time, and love one another. Love is one of the precious gif we have in life.

Blessings,
Cirque

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
but I hate myself..... I am helpless.... I am not supposed to be

Only temporarily, and just remember that your situation is not the end all be all.

reply to post by XPLodER


I am replying not only to you, but to everyone who replied.

Thank you for your prayers, we need them desperately.... thank you for your kindness.. it gives hope.

With me, first I had a rope to hang onto mentally, then it began to fray and break apart to the point I was left with a thread, that thread is thin.... and starting to break...

I am trying desperately to hang on mentally.... and after being told my daughters kidneys are now failing.... I am no longer feeling I can hang on, or trying to find some ray to hang on to.....

me just talking, peoples responses, is helping me..... I know now I can hang on, maybe not well, and certainly no longer under my own power..... but I can do this

thanks to everyone

reply to post by OpinionatedB


i know its hard,
but you are her source of strength,
your love and smile are her world at the moment,

know that the love you need will be sent around the world,
it will find you, all you need to do is smile and it will find you.

let that love be a new rope for you to hold on to.
even a half smile will draw the love to you

stand strong, be strong
we are sending love,

xp

reply to post by OpinionatedB


How my heart aches for you. I lost my son to Melanoma, hardest thing ever, I begged God to take me and spare him, but that did not happen. I understand your agony. I will pray for you, and for her.

reply to post by OpinionatedB
That is a lot for you to be going through...Don't be afraid to ask for help, maybe call in sick for work...Be kind to yourself so that you have the strength to make it through...Prayers to you and your family...

Originally posted by shells4u
reply to post by OpinionatedB

 

That is a lot for you to be going through...Don't be afraid to ask for help, maybe call in sick for work...Be kind to yourself so that you have the strength to make it through...Prayers to you and your family...

Red Kite.
A fantastic organisation devoted to cancer families.

I have been there. The ATS family is multi-faceted.

There is always someone here to relate.

The darkness of night is always - somehow relieved by the light of day.

You have support ... right here.

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
God gave my husband a job....

What a sonofabitch. He has jobs to spare and onjly gives them to your hubby?

I'd call hm and ask for a refund. I am pretty sure if he's going to give your husband a job, he better have one for every body else.

Such a jerk, god...