I think my Sister's Fiance is cheating on her, should I tell her?

My Sister has a Fiance, both of them are living with me in my Apt waiting for the closing on their new house.

When he's off work, and right now its the slow season so he has a couple weeks off, he goes to the gym in the morning. So I'm used to all the details, trends, habits, natures, of both of them as they have been here with me for a solid 8 months waiting on the short sale to go through.

So just the other day, he goes to the gym with a TON of cologne on. Never, not once, not any other time has he gone to workout wearing cologne.

Then the next day, I walked in on him in the kitchen, texting someone, and he jumped up surprised, closed his phone, and said something like, "I was just looking for ......mumbling......" then walked away. Now my sister was in the bedroom when I caught him all surprised, so I know he wasn't testing her.

And today, he went to the gym, skipped the breakfast I had made for everyone, never took a shower and never changed close after getting back, and is still wearing the same outfit he went to "the gym" in earlier. So obviously he ate breakfast somewhere this morning.

My sister is a dummy and doesn't have a clue. But I have cheated TONS of times on ex-girlfriends (I am not proud of it), and I know all the tricks there is on cheating, and definitely know he's up to something.

The question is, should I tell her?

I mean, she's getting ready to co-own a house with him, she's used to him, they've been seeing each other for 7 years now......and it's SO HARD to bite my tongue and stay quiet.

What do you guys think?

reply to post by dominicus


Tell her.

It would be much more devastating for her to find out herself than for you to tell her.

If she's in denial, tell her what you saw and even volunteer to possibly follow him to the gym...or wherever he's going.

I've been cheated on before, and I wish someone told me instead of finding out for myself.

reply to post by dominicus


Tough to say if you don't have concrete proof. If you have concrete proof then yes absolutely you should tell her. If you don't, well you could be wrong and cause problems for your sister. Perhaps you could look at following the dude to see if you are right? It's sort of a weird thing to do I guess but it IS your sister. If you find out he is definitely cheating, then you should definitely tell her.

reply to post by dominicus


If you are 100% certain then yes you tell her.
If she plans to marry then it will only get worse.

Great advice guys!!!

I'm not 100% sure. Could be that some girl at the gym is flirting with him and they're just texting back and forth. One things for sure, soon as I smelled that giant mushroom cloud of cologne he had on for the gym, my subconscious/intuition screamed "CHEATING!!!!"

OF course I don't have any proof that's 100%

What if I just tell her what I observed, and leave it at that, with both of us having watchful eyes on him?

reply to post by dominicus


The cologne thing really is sketchy. Same with the cell phone thing in the kitchen. However, neither is concrete--just kind of gut instinct. Odds are, if he's getting texts from another girl, he's probably deleting them so "borrowing" his phone while he is in the shower is out. It's a tough call. Maybe ask your sister if she and her fiance are doing okay? Opening up a conversation with her can get her to maybe voice if she's felt like things are "off" with the guy. I know you think she's a dummy but we women have this knack of being rather intuitive when it comes to this kind of thing regardless of intellect.

The cologne thing kind of tells me that he's digging somebody at the gym. Hope we're wrong.

track his phone then you can pinpoint him before jumping the gun on anything but i would let him know you are on to him then scare the beejesus out of him

Originally posted by dominicus
Great advice guys!!!

I'm not 100% sure. Could be that some girl at the gym is flirting with him and they're just texting back and forth. One things for sure, soon as I smelled that giant mushroom cloud of cologne he had on for the gym, my subconscious/intuition screamed "CHEATING!!!!"

OF course I don't have any proof that's 100%

What if I just tell her what I observed, and leave it at that, with both of us having watchful eyes on him?

Yeah, but if he's not, or she believes him over what ever you say, you are than the bad guy.

Get proof, worst cast he cheats a little longer, best case you save a relationship.

If you tell her to soon, without proof, shell say something to him and hell call it a baseless accusation, which will make him be extra careful.
Monitor his activities for a while, dont stalk just keep an eye out.
After all, she is your sister, you have the right.

Since you dont have solid proof of an affair, i would suggest not saying anything to your sister. If this turns out to be something innocent, you are going to come out of this in a real bad way if you say anything.

There are many things people can be secretive about that have nothing to do with cheating. With a wedding coming up this is doubly so. He could be making surprise honeymoon plans, or something of that nature and is hiding it from you as well as your sister to ensure it stays a surprise.

What i would do if i was in your situation is to have a sit down talk with your future brother in law. Invite him to lunch or out for a beer and let him know what you are thinking. Don't make any accusations, just let him know that you have noticed the strange behavior and want to make sure your sister isn't going to be hurt. If he is up to no good im sure you will be able to tell by how he responds.

If you play it right you can find out the nature of the strange behavior without causing any unnecessary drama.

DC

Originally posted by WhiteAlice
reply to post by dominicus

 

The cologne thing really is sketchy. Same with the cell phone thing in the kitchen. However, neither is concrete--just kind of gut instinct. Odds are, if he's getting texts from another girl, he's probably deleting them so "borrowing" his phone while he is in the shower is out. It's a tough call. Maybe ask your sister if she and her fiance are doing okay? Opening up a conversation with her can get her to maybe voice if she's felt like things are "off" with the guy. I know you think she's a dummy but we women have this knack of being rather intuitive when it comes to this kind of thing regardless of intellect.

The cologne thing kind of tells me that he's digging somebody at the gym. Hope we're wrong.

The cologne and jumpy/shifty reaction when catching him texting, are things I used to do when I used to cheat. It's like seeing my old self!!!!

I don't know if she's that intuitive about him. He can be rather sneaky around her when it comes to flowers, suprise gifts, surprise dinners, and an engagement ring....she was clueless.

I don't want to say anything to her, because she is a "glass half empty" person who tends to think the worst at all times. I know if I say something, she will be ruined mentally for weeks with negativity and doubt

Originally posted by geobro
track his phone then you can pinpoint him before jumping the gun on anything but i would let him know you are on to him then scare the beejesus out of him

How do I track the phone? Is there any software? GPS tracker hidden in his care maybe.....Damn that's getting sketchy!!!!! I feel like a low life....but it is my sister whom I Love!!!!!

I don't know if I should say something to him, because then he can just hide things from both her and me in the future.

Regardless, I personally think she doesn't complete his needs physically, and therefore he's straying or looking to stray. There's a saying, (paraphrased) "if you want to keep a guy around, keep his stomach falls and his lower extremities empty." Well I don't think the second part happens that much, which was the cause in my past relationships for me to stray.

reply to post by xDeadcowx

There are many things people can be secretive about that have nothing to do with cheating. With a wedding coming up this is doubly so. He could be making surprise honeymoon plans, or something of that nature and is hiding it from you as well as your sister to ensure it stays a surprise.

well like I said, today he came back from the gym, already ate somewhere, and never showered or changed clothes!!!! (Which he always does). Plus, he's hidden things from her before, like nice surprises that he's always filled me in on.

What i would do if i was in your situation is to have a sit down talk with your future brother in law. Invite him to lunch or out for a beer and let him know what you are thinking. Don't make any accusations, just let him know that you have noticed the strange behavior and want to make sure your sister isn't going to be hurt. If he is up to no good im sure you will be able to tell by how he responds.

If I do this, he can just make sure to be extra careful, and still end up cheating. Especially once they move into their own house, I won't have access to his whereabouts/schedule/routines.

I think I'm going to stay observing a while longer and see if I can grab his phone at night when he's sleeping or follow him to the gym next time........keep an eye out til I'm sure of it...

maybe a gps tracker on the car

reply to post by dominicus

you can track his phone but you will need to have access to it to take a phone call to it look up cellphone trackers .org

That's your sister of course you gotta tell her

Originally posted by geobro
reply to post by dominicus

 

you can track his phone but you will need to have access to it to take a phone call to it look up cellphone trackers .org

Nice!!! Thanks for the link. Will look into it

Originally posted by zonetripper2065
That's your sister of course you gotta tell her

YEah but it's like, I went through a HUGE break up before, and was devastated, but learned so much, grew from it, and it has made me stronger, more zen, more detached in general now when it comes to relationships. So I wonder, maybe she has some Karma that she needs to go through to strengthen her or that she has to pay back or whatever....

It can be very philosophical when discussing weather or not to intervene in specific circumstances, just like I am glad I went through my rock bottom and came out of it like a Phoenix from the Ashes (hence the avatar).

Regardless......there I go over analyzing again

You are running on suspicion and circumstantial evidence. How would you like it if your brother-in-law decided to keep close tabs on you, observing when you ate and took showers? How about if he tapped your phone? Here we have a web site devoted to criticizing the government for violating our right to privacy, including several threads on the subject authored by yourself. Yet you show no qualms about violating this guy's privacy at all. You even say that once they move out you won't be able to snoop so easily! This is pretty flimsy evidence so far.

Your threads: www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com...

This last thread is entitled, "Is There Any Way to Stop the NSA from Spying on US Citizens??? Perhaps you should be asking: is there any way to stop you from spying on your sister's fiancé???

No evidence = no tell.

reply to post by schuyler

You are running on suspicion and circumstantial evidence.

If you used to be a certain way, then see another person begin to act like that, wouldn't your suspicions be raised?

How would you like it if your brother-in-law decided to keep close tabs on you, observing when you ate and took showers?

When you are aware, you become aware of cycles, day/night, good/bad, new/old, human nature, people's personalities, peoples habbits. IF I all of a sudden started wearing fedoras and suits around my family and friends, they would know something is up, something's off!!!! Same thing here. When you live with someone for 8 months straight, you pick up on certain intricacies. It's not snooping, its being observant

How about if he tapped your phone? Here we have a web site devoted to criticizing the government for violating our right to privacy, including several threads on the subject authored by yourself. Yet you show no qualms about violating this guy's privacy at all. You even say that once they move out you won't be able to snoop so easily! This is pretty flimsy evidence so far.

The Gov't, and a man who is about to marry my sister and might be cheating, ARE 2 ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!!!

If I was cheating on my wife, and my brother in law tracked my phone and brought it up to my wife, then I Understand COMPLETELY WHY!!!!!

Obviously, asking for opinions here means I want to do something about it and don't want her to be cheated on. Just like I'm doing something about the Gov spying by holding meetings, telling everyone I know, working on books, videos, studying pgp encryption. Unlike most, I'm not going to wallow in empathy and watch injustice happen!!!!!

Your threads: www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com... www.abovetopsecret.com... This last thread is entitled, "Is There Any Way to Stop the NSA from Spying on US Citizens??? Perhaps you should be asking: is there any way to stop you from spying on your sister's fiancé???

There's something called "the constitution" that the GOV is built on and is violating by spying on us.

IF my Sister's Fiance is cheating, and I have probable cause that he is, then there things called morals and ethics that are built into my heart, based on m Love and Empathy for my sister, and the inherent need and want, not to see her hurt.

Plus I am a man, and I know men, and know the lust, the animalism that's inside. I know what I am capable of and have comitted terrible acts against past girlfriends. I've been the worst of the worst and know exactly what human beings are capable of, especially men.

IF I can do something to find out that he is indeed cheating, as her Brother, isn't it a universality that I should do whatever it takes to find out? It certainly feels so in my heart.

Then again, I already made up my mind prior to replying, that I would chill out and continue observing, and brought up the philosophical idea that perhaps it is karma she has to go through, by being cheated on and learning the hard way. Just like I did.

Gov spying, and the possibility of my sisters fiance cheating on her, making me consider wether or not I should spy on him, is apples and oranges.

Here is what you say, "Hey sis, it is probably nothing but this is what I saw (tell her exactly what you told us). I don't want to worry you, but it seemed a little odd and I am your brother and I have to look out for you."

reply to post by dominicus


Mind your own business.

Sorry, but you have no proof of him doing anything.

If anything, confront him about it, get the story straight and then tell her if that's indeed what's going on.

She'll just hate you if you interject and nothing actually comes of it, you'll just drive a wedge between you and her.

He's not worth that, regardless of who he is.

So deal wit him, than her.

~Tenth