posted on Aug, 19 2013 @ 05:36 AM
I don't post often. However, this subject is of great interest to me and one that I've researched and read a lot about because of the death of my
daughter, 22 years ago. I'm still not sure what my personal beliefs are regarding life after death but I'm very glad there are many more open
minded scientists than some that have posted here!
I've never actually met a scientist that talks in such a definitive way, as some posting here. I've found most seem to relish in new theories
leading to new discoveries which lead to new theories which lead to new discoveries. I think most would be very disappointed if they suddenly had all
the answers in their field. Of course, there are always breakthroughs in science but even then it leads to more questions which in turn may lead to
further breakthroughs. Neuroscience is especially fascinating to me and although advances are being made we're only just beginning on the journey
and I certainly don't expect them to come up with definite conclusions to everything, during my lifetime.
I'm not a scientist and don't have any letters after my name. My credentials are my 44 years of life experience and I'd like to share some of my
'on topic' experiences with you.
Firstly, when I was very young I used to see colours floating around. They were always different shapes and sizes and would seem to morph into each
other and change shape and colour. I suppose it was a bit like watching a lava lamp. Whenever I mentioned this to my mum she'd tell me I was over
tired and/or had an over active imagination. At some point I stopped seeing the colours and would guess it was when I was aged 11 or 12. I didn't
even notice that I'd stopped seeing them until much later in my life when I began questioning why we're here, what's it all about, where did we
come from, etc, etc. Since I remembered the colours, I've tried to see them again and very rarely do I sometimes catch a glimpse out of the corner
of my eye but I'm never sure if it's just my imagination because I definitely can't look at them directly and be mesmerised by them like I used to
When I was in my late teens I learned that my mum had an oobe whilst in labour with me. She doesn't like to talk about it so it's a subject that
isn't discussed. She also had vivid dreams, as a child, of strange beings coming to get her and take her away. They had bodies of humans and very
large heads of teddy bears or fluffy rabbits, etc. These dreams were so frightening, real and vivid to her that they still terrify her to this day.
She grew up in a house were her dad was Catholic and her mum Church of England. Her dad was a practicing Catholic but her mum never went to church
except for the usual family gatherings. My mum rebelled against Catholicism and considers herself an Athiest. My dad didn't grow up in a religious
household and also considers himself an Athiest. Because of their beliefs neither me or my brother were baptised in any religion.
I used to ask my grandad many questions about his faith but as a teenager I can remember saying I wasn't interested in knowing about a vengeful,
jealous God. Those biblical descriptions of God just didn't ring true with me so I began researching many religions but never subscribed to any one
When I was in my early 20s my first daughter was stillborn. I knew she'd died before labour had to be induced and after I held her in my arms I felt
an overwhelming urge to have her baptised. The hospital Chaplin agreed to do the service that afternoon but asked me why. I told him it was because
of the stories from my Catholic grandad and I wanted to make sure she could go to Heaven. I still wasn't sure Heaven existed (I'm still not) but
taking a gamble with my life seemed acceptable but I couldn't do it with my daughter's. My Athiest dad told me, years later, that he spent most of
my labour praying the doctors had made a mistake. He'd never prayed before and he's never prayed since. It's amazing how going through a trauma
like mine changes a persons views, emotions, feelings. Logic tells me that if there is a God then he/she/it would not have left my daughter
abandoned! Grief can do funny things to us.
Weeks later I was lying in bed feeling very low when suddenly small balls of light started appearing out of nowhere and were dancing all over the end
of my bed. I'd never heard of orbs then but they match the description. Months later I visited a medium who mentioned this incident to me and when
I confirmed it had happened she said it was an aunt who I'd spent a lot of time with as a child, trying to raise my spirit. She also told me my
daughter's soul wasn't ready to be born and had to 'go back'.
Am I any closer to real solid answers about life after death? No, but until it can be proven otherwise then I will continue to believe that I will
one day meet my daughter again. If that means I'm considered to have a mental disorder, by some, then so be it.