Afloat, on a radioactive sea....

I haven't been posting for a while, my energies have been directed toward life change...which means physical as well as spirit/ mind.
At this stage I am living the dream of a "coastal Bum" ....in a 38 ft boat tied up somewhere, off Vancouver Islands N east side.
The grey lead of rain clouds have been hanging overhead all day, and tonight promises to be a wet one....
..A few errant drops are smattering the windshield as I write....
The change from a land boat...(school bus) to a sea boat sounds not too rough....(if you think that, well, yer off)
but when one is paring down his collection of chains....(the worldly # we weight ourselves down with....)
each has its memories and the scars that were earned packing this stuff for years...all ache a bit as it drops away.....Things we treasure, things that bring us joy or even bitter memories....all must be shed....and with them the
psychic charge they carry......
Like our old friend George used to say..."Ive got too much stuff!"
Funny thing though...... I have dumped a pile of it and its still too much.....so it goes on...what to drag aboard, what to leave ashore....
Meanwhile living and repairing on the same craft takes a lot of balancing as well.....but....
As I look out over the rain dimpled waters and the myriad little ships of every description....
Feel the gentle swell of the boats bouyant hull just gracing the waters surface,....I must say my heart at least is happy here now.....
What does puzzle and confuse me sometimes...most times....is
Why all the misery?
The world seems awash in suffering......The down trodden, the homeless, the poor in spirit and in body....
The teeming masses of the nameless...unknown, unsung, here and gone....in a seemingly endless parade of struggling bleeding, suffering and dying humanity..
The whole progression the the human race seems an endless progression of bodies and dreams marched willingly or no, into the gigantic maw of a meat grinder that is history.......and I really cannot identify any purpose......or reason at all......................\
Nothing. is either created or destroyed in the multiverse they tell us......
"we are stardust"
In which case I wonder where all that pain and misery ends up as energy......?
What does it transform into? what force is set free when an individual or group is mutilated, defiled, tortured, murdered?
What does the dissapointment and grief turn into when its created and dispersed among mankind?
What psyche have we been developing since the great wars of the 20th century?
The paranoia of the cold war......and ensuing decades of conflicts, wars, police actions and ethnic cleansings.....
The Slaughter continues across the globe......
It is an endless progression of victims....marching to their doom one way or another........
And you gotta ask yourself why all these souls have to suffer and die.
The balance of happiness pales in comparison to the mountain of sorrows................
Is this then the golden mean for us? the perfect ratio of sorrow and elation> natures true balance for humankind?
...................perhaps...............................but again I ask why?.

I rarely comment,but you got me with this one. I know where your heads at cause I been there.Got everything I owned down to a duffle bag that a buddy had drug through Viet-Nam...built a shrimp boat from the hull of a house boat.Hauled it from okc,ok to new Iberia,la.And after the Cajun s stopped laughing and said I was gonna die out there,I went shrimppin.At that point didn't care if I set foot on land again or not.for all the reasons you mentioned and more...I really don't know what to tell you bro,but the water heals,you just got to let it.

Wha??

I want some of whatever it is you've been drinking tonight.

reply to post by stirling


GOD! You. Are. Awesome.

I admire your life so much, as you just described it. You probably aren't made of money, but you've found your place of peace with your boat, you've stepped out of the meat grinder of history, and found a bit of joy and peace. I don't want to sound over the top in responding to you, but I've been thinking a lot lately myself about this stuff, and I think I'm starting to come to the conclusion that doing just as you've done is something we all need to do: Get rid of the expectations, all the illusions, and find our own little place of peace.

Thanks for posting, OP.

Oh, and two pieces of music for you:

www.youtube.com...

www.youtube.com...

reply to post by CranialSponge

Your about ten years to late for that party sister.Ya shoulda been there.DRinkS...for all my friends!!!

reply to post by stirling


Wow...

My post cannot contain how many times I have thought things like this even when I was still enjoying the luxury of rolling dirty in my stroller..

I drink now.

Beautiful thread, and you just changed part of the energy that is the "meat grinder" that could soon be the heaven of expression with enough self expression of happiness.

I think your mistake is in the assumption that nature has a balance per say,
its not so much balance as it is temporary lulls in chaos.

reply to post by stirling

each has its memories and the scars that were earned packing this stuff for years...all ache a bit as it drops away.....Things we treasure, things that bring us joy or even bitter memories....all must be shed....and with them the
psychic charge they carry......
Like our old friend George used to say..."Ive got too much stuff!"

Sir George makes light of it and everyone laughs... its good to shed ones life once in a while, keeps the soul from being too cluttered with materialistic pursuits.

reply to post by stirling

Stirling,what hooked me about your post was that before I left,some one snuck some music in my duffle bag and Annie Lennox WHY was one of the songs.I used to rock that song crusin the bayou on the way out to the gulf.Coincidence?I think not.

I think there are people who feel some of all that collective pain+misery+stress+suffering-and I think these folks are a bit like John Coffey in the movie The Green Mile.It started in childhood,from my earliest memories-i would Feel that somewhere there were terrible things happening-i would get feelings of such grief,horror,despair,anger-the world did indeed feel sharp as needles on many occasions.Empaths feel some of it,we do,and as a child it is particularly bad,because one Knows that the other kids around you can not feel the bad+the pain+the fear-its the loneliest feeling in the world.

And now we do have an actual literal radio-active sea to look forward too,if something drastic is'nt going to be done re Fuku,and it's allowed to seep its deadly runoff into the ocean for yet another 2years,or knowing Tepco's track record-longer.If it took em 2years to admit they have a problem I shudder to think how long its gonna take em to formulate a plan of action that may curtail the damage being done,at least.

Anyway but yes,there are those of us who have always been "receivers" that pick up on all the Bad.It damages the psyche,but it does give such people a lot of compassion,an ability to put yourself in the shoes of another,even if you have not suffered the same bad they did exactly.But to learn to live with it,and find ways to deal with it,can take decades.It is a curse,to cut right to the point.

I thank you for your kind input all.......
I admit I snuck out to watch the fog roll in and a huge cruise ship sail by with the tide..after posting........so im gonna climb down into the folkshole and get some shut eye....
ill be sleeping that little bit easier knowing yer all out there.......I guess we are never really alone ........................
.

Its a grey day, with a grey dawn and the raindrops making music on my roof this am.
If anyone does happen by, I still wish to pose this question........
Why?
Why all the suffering.....?
Like the bible says, the poor you will always have with you.....but why?
Is this never ending torture of human existence the fuel that runs the rest of the multiverse?
or simply an odd mathematical law that works like gravity or displacement of water, according to strict principals that can be predicted?


I mean is there some wise guy out there who can invent the math to show this?
Seems the vast hoard of crushed hopes and dreams, the never ending inhumanity to man, is like one huge
flowing river of pain......but to where does it flow?
and what forces does the current create?
When one examines what we perceive to be our reality, the small measure of comfort or stability, we may enjoy is miniscule compared to the never ending human suffering that any comfort or worthy endeavour floats upon......


So.................why? i humbly. ask..........whats it all about?

I try and look to the future and hope that such things will not exist any more.

I predict a resurrection of every living being some to paradise and immortality some to doom and loss.

Pain makes you a spectacle of other humans sometimes. Those without pain fail to understand and comprehend fully. I didn't.

I also ask the question why? Is it for someones pleasure, some people get off on seeing others suffer without knowing suffering themselves? What does it really teach us. I really don't see or know the answer to what pain is.

It could be like lifting weights? But it's not. It didn't make me any stronger. I just suffered in silence while everyone lived their lives. In my case suffering begot suffering and then more suffering.

I am more vigilant in what could cause pain so avoid things but not really. Suffering didn't perfect me in anyway I just lost all my power, I don't even have a memory of it really, what it was like, to use as a weapon all I know is that my suffering was extreme and i'm innocent.

I guess the future will be the joy.

Also I have questions. Does God exist? I can't prove this. The bible's not enough. Jesus suffered. But he's dead now. Can't confirm his resurrection though if he is still dead then he will be ressed at some point. Even if Jesus is alive after already being resurrected then nothing has really changed. People are still dying and suffering.

Jesus could return when he gets a res from technology and science. Because we all know there was a Jesus who walked the earth 2000 years ago and walked directly into suffering.

You know even though I have suffered to the extreme. I could still face yet more extreme suffering. As long as i'm mortal i'm vulnerable. I say onwards and upwards to immortality and beyond.

At the moment technology is winning in the race to achieve immortality and zero pain and misery and suffering. That's all I see for the future. I can't prove God or Jesus and they seem less powerful.

Fear not? What can suffering do to you once your dead.

The sting of death still exists in this day for the days are evil surely. We must reclaim the day.

Overcoming pain is not easy. You have to endure to the end which could be death. I can't guarantee any reward for your suffering. I think it will be remembered and measured.

Does Jesus have any answers he was so sure of himself that he went to the cross but alas it seems as he was just another man who was powerless over pain. Where is Jesus now, so much suffering has taken place since his death. Christians who have never suffered don't understand Jesus

Here is the scripture I have been reading:

Matthew 8:20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

In this case I consider myself the Son of Man. When I would goto sleep I remember thinking that there was no place to rest my head as the pain ruled all, the pain was in my head. It didn't matter what position I got into or what I tried. There was no rest. I remember thinking that if I went long enough like this I would form something powerful. I would be a blazing fire. It was a triangle or something that I saw with 3 sides, it was forming with the final side of the triangle being put in place. I forget the exact nature and design.

I forget what it all meant but yeah I really had no place to lay my head, but it was developing some type of an endurance.

So I guess if you experience pain and suffering it causes you to develop endurance.

Endurance has to be good for something. I guess it's the endurance to keep living and not kill yourself from pain overdose.

Pain suffering = endurance. The ability to endure more life, maybe you could say this.

Immortality ain't gunna be easy. Some people might not want it or have the endurance. There could be hard times even in paradise because of interactions with others maybe not because of pain or suffering.

You got to keep living even in the pain. Endure to the end. It's definitely working something I believe. Something good. Good things. Even though it sucks. I can say this and these now that my suffering is relatively light.

I hope the devil is in decay and the devils soul is shattered and destroyed leaving his power to fade. Such is pain.
.
No place to lay my head.

Leeda