Actually just putting my mind into words. :)

Warning, I'm crazy.

I have been awakened for 1 year now, and the change it brought is enormous. I never thought i'd see my life going this way. Never.
I have a Dark Night of the Soul, for almost 1 year now.
From when I have been awakened, to now, My thoughts required a lot of focus. I have learned to be very conscious of my thoughts and what is going on in there.

And I notice a difference, I changed. I changed in a way that was better for me, not others.
Let me explain.

I like to be lonely. I like to be thinking about everything, just lying in my bed visualizing things. Playing with the mind. That's also why I play a lot of video games (especially 'fantasy' games), because they give me another side of reality. My mind is so focused on the game that it sometimes sees it as reality. And I am conscious of that, so sometimes I just enjoy being in an other world, where this world doesn't exist.( Same with my dreams)

I am introverted, only talk when information needs to given or taken, Have only 2 best friends that I see maybe 2 times in 2 weeks? I sometimes talk out of forcing myself just so that it doesn't have to be silent. But that doesn't happen much If there is silence between 2 people I enjoy it.

I know my life mission and will go for it all the way. I received miracles in real life, I had lucid dreams where I beat the # out of a reptilian (And believe me, they aren't so tough), etc...

And now to just top the crazy off.

I am an incarnated twin flame (With both incarnations present on earth).
It's true that Twin flames dream together I've had it for a few months until it suddenly stopped. Can't remember my dreams anymore.
Right after I met her face to face in my dream, the Dark night of the soul started, where my thoughts would be corrupted and having voices in my head. Believe me, when you become fully conscious of your thoughts and they corrupt AND voices who would not let you sleep, disrupt your thinking by constantly reacting to every thought you generate, that is utter hell for me. But you eventually get out. But it's weird, you learn SO much in a Dark Night of the Soul, it's like you getting to know your other side, and actually being that other side of you. You learn so much, but it's oh so hard. I have a scar for the rest of my life on my left arm, to me it means I survived the Dark Night of the Soul. That's how f***ing hard it was. Sorry for cursing.

I now have gained control over my mind. I decide what thought gets focus and which don't. Focus is fuel for thoughts, and if you give attention to negative, more negative will come. Remember that when you want to heal your thoughts (OCD) or control them. Just my advice for some of you out there.


This is just a rant so I can put order to my thoughts again.

If you read it, good for you, I hope you learned something.

reply to post by Risingfall


That was an interesting read if a tad disjointed

One sentence for you my friend

Perspective .................................. Use it or lose it

Cody

reply to post by Risingfall


I'm going to say this, and I am saying it in a concerned way as a "mom" -- not as a troll or closed minded person, but some of what you described can be caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain--that can be caused by conditions (labeled by the establishment as OCD, bipolar, depression, ADD, schizophrenia, etc.).

I have seen it first hand with loved ones who are young teens/early twenties. Focus so singular that a video game appears almost real is not healthy. Being alone too much isn't healthy (although I like to be alone myself )--you just need to ensure you are really grounded and balanced.

I am not a fan of psychiatrists, meds, and even most psychologists--but they can sometimes be helpful. A good chiropractor who understands energy work can help sort out what's caused by physical, chemical imbalance and what is truly being "awakened" and facing inner shadow self, or seeing the Unseen, or other issues that might be impacting you.

I have a child who slowly sunk into schizophrenia, beginning in very early 20s, starting with symptoms that looked like OCD and depression, some addiction, etc. So I am aware of some signs, that's all.

If you are between roughly 15 and 35, sometimes these imbalances come to light. Not knowing how old you are or your family situation, do you have anyone in the family to talk with? The dark night of the soul is a rough road to walk alone...you must face it alone...but it's good to have someone to keep you grounded and helping you press forward. Is this a physical, mental, emotional, spiritual situation? A combination?

Nature is the best way to stay grounded. Perhaps less video games and spend more time in nature, walking, running, biking, hiking, reading under a tree, tai chi outside, all that good stuff. You can still do those alone if you like to be alone. And animals are a way to stay grounded -- do you have a beloved pet? A loving dog or cat, or other furry friend, who loves you unconditionally and you love them--takes you out of your "head" and into your "heart"--which is where it may be best to live life from.

Take my words as gentle input, throw them away if you wish, but know I have the best of intention in sharing my thoughts. I wish you well.

reply to post by Risingfall


I strongly and desperately agree with Galadriel. You say you don't talk much, which means you have all of these disorganized thoughts fermenting and poisoning your mind. You NEED to talk to someone before you become totally lost and disconnected from this reality. Please PLEASE get help NOW!

reply to post by Galadriel


Thank you for your concern and post.

It's true, doing these things isn't healthy at all. I play guitar outside sometimes, but I have to admit that I spend too much time behind the computer and xbox. But life has given me no choice. Not that I am dependent to an outside source for change within myself, but I'd rather stay this way. The reason for this is because i'm a real party pooper. So hanging with other people isn't an option. But I have been thinking about doing fitness again. That might help with recovering my body's strenght and vitality. Right now i'm only 20 and I feel like an old man, because all I do is sit in chairs.

Also the awakening I'm referring to was a Kundalini awakening. This might have brought some inbalances.
It was very powerful, I felt as if a lightning bolt went up my Chakra's. From then I had visions and lucid dreams that referred to the future.

This made understand why I was going through the Dark night of the soul. Also, I just now inside that this is going to end good, no matter what happens. This could be considered foolish but I trust what I know.

I do have family to talk to, but my Mother and Father just hate seeing me this way. I know it hurts them to see me like this, but there is nothing I can do than pass this test and move on with my life.
They both have no idea about the dark night of the soul, but they help me nonetheless (and for that I am grateful )
I think I already passed the hardest part of the dark night of the soul. It was a combination of physical hurt, mental hurt, emotional hurt and spiritual hurt. I felt disconnected from god, felt like there was no way out and did some horrible things to myself (Because of the voices), I uncontrollably cried in my room, My belief systems cracked down in front of me, etc...
Every day that I lived through those troubled times, I wished I was dead. Every minute was a hell for me. I felt like I was cursed by the devil himself.

But looking back it was actually a blessing. It made me so much stronger, mental, emotionally and spiritual. I don't see myself as physical strong now, but that can always change.

But to have this all in a timespan of 1 year is kinda amazing to me. To have all these experiences in one year is pretty amazing.

I read an article that was about people born with Pluto in Scorpio (1984-1995), i'll post it here.
in5d.com...
I found it very interesting as I could relate very well to this.

Anyway, thanks for the advice and i'll try to be more active.

reply to post by jiggerj


I don't talk much but I think a lot. This doesn't mean that this is poisoning my mind.

I've already talked to numerous persons about it, and I have my own views on what is happening.
It could be bad, could be good, I'm only going to know it by living my life. Even though I might not do much now, every dark night of a soul has its end.

Thanks for the concern.

reply to post by jiggerj


I don't talk much but I think a lot. This doesn't mean that this is poisoning my mind.

I've already talked to numerous persons about it, and I have my own views on what is happening.
It could be bad, could be good, I'm only going to know it by living my life. Even though I might not do much now, every dark night of a soul has its end.

Thanks for the concern.

Originally posted by Risingfall
reply to post by Galadriel

 

I play guitar outside sometimes, but I have to admit that I spend too much time behind the computer and xbox. But life has given me no choice. Not that I am dependent to an outside source for change within myself, but I'd rather stay this way. The reason for this is because i'm a real party pooper. So hanging with other people isn't an option. But I have been thinking about doing fitness again. That might help with recovering my body's strenght and vitality. Right now i'm only 20 and I feel like an old man, because all I do is sit in chairs.

One of my kids is 20 (let's refer to as "Lee" for the sake of anonymity), has a group of friends...these friends are not the deepest, most awake bunch...they are drifting, partying, playing out a lot of "teenage" drama even though they are not teens anymore...live on social media and texting...cheat on their "boyfriends/girlfriends", steal from each other, lie to everyone and themselves, live for the moment but not in a productive, giving way. They are lost. Some have overdosed. Some have died. This is suburbia. It's sad to me.

"Lee" is similar on the surface to these "friends," but much deeper, yet can't really show it for fear of being laughed at or ostracized. Also has exhibited "ADHD, OCD, depression" symptoms growing up (much less now).

So it's hard sometimes to be 20 and be a "party pooper"--when you don't quite "fit in" to the mindless majority.
Heck, I'm much older and I don't fit in at my age either Somewhere there are people that you can relate to and talk with and share, learn, grow with - face to face (not just online). You won't find them at home though

Many here on ATS as you know, are "different" than most, more awake, more open (some are anyways ), and have experienced all sort of things that defy "logic." Rush of kundalini I'm sure is something that others here can relate to. I can. What's important, though, is that you learn what to do with this experience, or you could actually become "ill" inside your mind.

That's why the more you get out of your "mind" the more you are awake. Please, please get yourself moving--walking is the best, but because it leaves you time to "think" you might want to try something that keeps your mind focused as well--like karate, kung fu, tai chi, yoga. Severely limit your 'video game' time and stick with it. Put limits on your online time and TV time. All that time in front of computers can mess up your energy field, as I'm sure you know.

Instead, work if you are working, or study if you are in school, or work on getting a job if you need one, or come up with a creative, fun business idea that you can start from nothing and build (and one that can really help the world in some way). Volunteer--work with animals, clean up a park, work with shy cats or dogs at the shelter to get them ready for adoption, help the homeless, teach a kid to read, whatever. That gets you out in the world and out of your head. Good for the heart. Write, keep a journal, get thoughts out of your head onto paper.

I think those labels suck, and do a disservice to kids, people, but I also know the symptoms are real and can interfere with one's life and joy. Healthy food, fitness, meditation--these can all help change those symptoms into creativity and joy.

I encourage you to eat organic if you can, eat as healthy as you can, make physical activity your main focus (even raking leaves or helping an elderly neighbor with their yardwork) can be blissful in a "zen-like" way. Be conscious in every moment.

Don't try to get more active, do get more active (remember what Yoda said . Start today!

If the stars don't start to come out in your "dark night" or if you don't see the first rays of dawn soon, after taking actions--then please do consider talking with a counselor or someone who does energy work.

Wishing you the best!

reply to post by Risingfall


The first rule of fight club is............

On a more serious note try some juice

Green juice, lemon apples a little ginger and some greens

Any greens will do

Have three glasses a day and you should feel better in 10 days or so

Good luck.

Look. You admit you play unreal-fantasy games, lay in bed staring ahead and "thinking", and you hear "voices".

The world outside isnt "fantasy" but real, and most of us DO SOMETHING with our day, and "think" like while going to school, work, church, sitting on a bus, in a car etc. But, we try to stay busy and involved with society even if only our family and friends. And yes, some of us are quiet, but still communicate with the outside world.

Hearing "voices' is what concerns me, and your refusal to accept that as an indicator of something being seriously wrong, all the while living your days in unreal fantasy worlds of games and hearing voices.

Isolation
Fantasy Games dealing with "unreal" worlds and societies
Thinking a lot...a LOT
Hearing voices
Feelings of Superiority
Feelings of Grandeur.

What it seems you do have going for you is that you at least put it out there in print. So you at least MAY realize something is amiss. I do expect you to disagree with that, be defensive, and explain it all away. That doesn't matter. Your thread itself explains way more...than you can defend here.

But, Im sure you'll try. Certainly you wont agree, and wont understand the issues behind your OP. And that will indicate the real problem. Good luck to you....

reply to post by mysterioustranger


Let me tell you this: The matrix is real. It exist inside the mind of the masses as a form of social, cultural, political and educational indoctrination. A collective psychosis.

That my friend, I do not want to be part of. So I chose my own way, and discovered it to be the best for me.
I would rather be sane in an insane world or 'crazy' in a 'normal' world.

reply to post by Risingfall

I propose to you if you are here, right now, communicating of this forum...then you ARE part of this matrix. And that can't be changed. And you admit you go your own way...but no matter how you slice it...its part of this matrix.

Welcome to our collective psychosis. You said it, you explained it...and you are part of it. Think aobut it. Denial isnt just a river in Egypt.

Thank you for explaining it and the matrix to us. You've got company: lots of company.

reply to post by mysterioustranger


Wow...

Very true, I thought I was different from any of you. Thank you for replying.

reply to post by Risingfall

Friend: one things for sure. We are all not-so-so different. Many of us share with you...the same feelings and ideas. Always go forth and express yourself....there most likely is...even if just one...person out there who can appreciate your insights and input!