reply to post by BloodSister
Stay strong girl! You can't help anyone or yourself if you let yourself get runned down, stressed, anxious or depressed.
Although those who give you advice here on ATS aren't doctors or psychologists (perhaps there are some here who are, but the majority are not), it is
sage advice from a "lived through it" perspective. Pick through the advice, try some approaches, see what works, and keep moving forward.
Mum is ill. She seems like a really "bad" person. Maybe she is. But mostly she's ill. Maybe things just got to her and her way of coping is being
in a haze and controlling whatever she can - food, house, you, because she may feel she has no other control about what happened/happens to her. Who
Best not to hate her, feel sorry for her, look after her. Best to stand tall and proud and go make a life for yourself. Websites, library books, chats
-- these are all free -- to learn about codependency, about narcissistic personalities, anorexia, etc. -- not what causes it -- but how to take of
your own self in this situation -- so you get healthier and set boundaries, and by doing so, you are no longer enabling your mum.
If your grandparents can take you in with your pets -- maybe work up a game plan for improving your life and getting out on your own within 12 months
time -- be it counseling, education, work, savings plan, whatever. Or a friend, or the boyfriend. Maybe find a job (or two), save like mad, and
quickly find a cheap flat (that allows pets) and a roommate to help pay the rent.
See if your local "save a pet" group (not an institution, but a group of loving people who rescue animals) can help you find a temporary "foster"
family for your pets if you can't take them with you -- if you pay for the food... or find a friend who could do the same. And then find a job, place
to live that accepts pets, and get them back.
Read inspirational books that really help you stay positive and focused on creating a beautiful life for yourself. What do you want to be? Do? Have?
Accomplish? What will your legacy be? What difference do you want to make in the world?
Spend a week just thinking and "not thinking" about this...write down all the random thoughts on paper and see what starts to form -- what you
value, care about, dream of, love to do, have a passion for --- and let it come together and form a vision for your new life. Then set out to take
baby steps to make it happen and believe, believe, believe that it will. Be open to Life.
Surround yourself with healing white Light every night before you go to sleep and do the same for the pets, Mum, the house...
I'm not religious, but if you are, pray in gratitude, giving thanks for your beautiful new life, as if it has already materialized.
Oh, and eat healthy, natural foods, be sure to get some exercise, be outside, rent funny movies to laugh at, and try to get some sleep (despite the 3
am tirades) until you can move out somewhere.
My advice (for what it's worth) is to not say anything to your mother about your plans. She may only wish to put you down, rant and rave, threaten
herself, or accidently let the gate open. Instead, make your plan, be committed to leaving, and then leave.
You can call her or stop over once you are safely living somewhere else -- or leave her a heartfelt letter, saying you love her and want her to be
healthy and whole and happy -- but that she has been hurting herself and you far too long and that you must, must, must take care of yourself now and
that she can do the same for herself. Leave a list of resources that she can reach out to for help (like AA, local social worker, church, therapist,
hospital, whatever). And then, maybe when you both are healthy and whole again, you can start a new relationship built on love and trust.
Take good care.