Screwed Again. Divorced 3 years - Ex Files for bankruptcy and I Get to Pay

Originally posted by DontTreadOnMe
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

I feel for you....truly.

But, at least you are divorced.
And to that extent she IS out of your life

Yep. She almost killed me. Can't really say how much better day to day life is and it sucks but this is only money, not my health and mental well being.

Thanks for your thoughts.

CJ

reply to post by ShadellacZumbrum


Sounds like a nightmare for that guy. Although it has taken a while for me to get my confidence back after she trashed me for so long there is no way I am soured on women. Just this one.


CJ

Actually, it seems that Karma has come back and kicked her butt. Strange how that can happen

Originally posted by tinker9917
Actually, it seems that Karma has come back and kicked her butt. Strange how that can happen

Indeed. She is a loser user and even though I am pissed I am so glad not to be like her. Money is just that but the principle of the thing gets me. Anyway, I still wish she had some common sense and decency - she is the mom of my kids after all. But yeah, karma is a bitch.

CJ

Painful, hard hard thing. I get that the unfairness of it is what galls. To be a man of honor these days is no small thing. To live your life by your values......priceless. I know you will take the high road as you have said, I am so sorry for the bitter pill you have to swallow to do that. You have my respect for what it is worth.

reply to post by Iamschist


Thank you Iamschist. I try and often fail, but I try. I used to wonder if it would be better to have no conscience like her as nothing bothered her when getting what she wanted. I know better though.

CJ

reply to post by ColoradoJens


I am sorry to hear this. I too have had my run of bad luck this year and some of last. My fiancé of 5 years left for vacation for 3 weeks with our 3 year old son. I thought we were living the dream. I have a great job that I continue to climb in and she stayed at home with our son. I was saving up to give her the dream wedding she always wanted. One day before she was to return home I received a call from an attorney saying that she was sending me custody papers and a dna test for my child. Then I went 2 months without being able to speak to him or see him. She lives in a 2 million dollar house in the mountains of Colorado and collects 700 a month in child support from me. I pay for his health and life insurance and as well and I also have to drive and get him once every 5 weeks. When I Skype with him she is always in the same room and when she talks to me she talks to me like I have done nothing wrong. I don't get it and I don't understand how the court system could be so corrupt. They want to know why there are dead beat dads?!?!? They take all the money they can from the dads so when we do get our child we can not afford to do anything with them! She works a half ass job and collects off my ass. I miss my son and he misses me. He cries every time I Skype with him asking if I miss him and why I can not come get him. She doesn't understand what she is doing to him and it is all about her being happy with her new guy and family. He wants his daddy and I miss my baby boy. How can the court decide a fate like this of my child and myself all by hear say. The system if messed up and wrong... I am sorry about your luck my friend just know you are not the only person stuck swimming in the middle of a ocean of #. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to rant as well. I have been holding this back for 7 months now and I just feel like exploding. Once again I hope everything works out for you my fellow ATS er

Yeah I feel for you .. at least you are honourable in your deeds ... I've got a rant but it's about a deadbeat dad ... doesn't have a penny to support his daughter but had 10k for his lawyers retainer .. had enough nerve to say in court that since the mother lives with her parents that they should foot the bill for his child ??? I could go on but you get the idea. Good luck with your case and remember karma works both ways. Good things will come your way ... I`m sure of it.

Originally posted by ColoradoJens

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

You should not be responsible at all for any debt incurred after the divorce. if it was joint debt from before the divorce you could need a lawyer, with the circumstances of the divorce you still would probably not have to pay, if it is like mine was in CA.

Well Char-Lee I am meeting my attorney tomorrow to discuss it. The debts were incurred after the divorce. I'll update once I know more. Thanks!

CJ

You may want to disect the TYPES of expenses. Your child's related expenses vs wife's extravagances. How many years before you stop paying anything to your ex (alimony, child support etc). Does she also receive a single parent benefit package from the Government?

Hey, it could be worse. I divorced my wife of nine years because she was abusive and lazy. It took me 18 mos. to get her to move out and she took me for 10k in unpaid rent and bills. She was out for 9 mos. and refused to let our son spend the night at my house in violation of our custody agreement, even though the place she moved to was less than two miles away. She ended up unable to afford the place she moved to and against my better judgement I let her move back in after she agreed to pay half the rent and living expenses. Five months later she lost her job and our agreement went out the window. That was nearly seven years ago and she hasn't worked steadily since and has racked up another 50k+ in unpaid rent and bills in that time. She is impossible for me to get along with and takes no responsibility for herself or her situation. The only reason I tolerate her is because my son loves and needs his mom and I respect that even though she is overbearing and smothers him. I mitigate her influence as much as I can and my son totally relies on me for stability and support. He is a great kid and understands what I am doing and why I am doing it. The light at the end of the tunnel is he will graduate from high school in four years and I hope to be able to get loose from her then. Keep taking the high road. Like you said, it is only money. There are more important things in life.

OP - I am saddened to hear of this news and your hard luck. I hope you can find some sort of silver lining and lift yourself out of the crap that life likes to throw at us.

Though, you're thread does make me wonder what it takes from both parties to build a strong, lasting marriage. It would seem anyone who marries for security/wealth isnt doing themselves a favour.

8,000 is nothing bro, make a payment plan with the doctors and pay it off. You'd gladly pay 8,000 a year to keep her out of your house if you had to I'm sure. Take her to family court after you've made your payment plan with the doctors and tell the court you're going to take 35.00 a month out of the child support payment until the 8,000 is paid off. Do it gladly and don't be angry, it's the healthier approach, and after your paid off it will be like getting a raise. You'll manage. This is the approach I take with my X and it keeps me sane.

I'd rather live in a dungeon and never see the light of day for the rest of my life than try to come home to that scavenger every day again... Sometimes the best ones can completely turn around and be the most horrendous opponent you could ever imagine... Crazy

" The reason divorces are so expensive is because they are worth every F-ing penny!"

Sorry to hear that, my ex left me in 30k (GBP) worth of debt back six years ago now, that cheating, thieving fat b1tch and I didn't have a leg to stand when I contested all these individual bits of debt that she had run up in my name, but I'm not bitter even if she never gets hit by a bus, I'm happy...

Seriously though, its BS whats happened to you, but keep your head up and in time, it will be ok, she'll get hit by a bus, you'll see

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
Wife divorced me in 2010. Split all liabilities and assets. I cover health insurance @ $490 a month. I pay daycare. Three years later she files for bankruptcy and today I received notice for collections for over $8k - for her bills.

She left me for a millionaire who of course was cheating on her and dumped her a year and a half later. She said I was not making enough $ to support her lifestyle - she said she was superior to me and deserved better...I own a house, a new car, have a great job, many friends and a great family. She has nothing, no friends, no home, and has had 4 jobs in the past two years.

Why should I have to pay her debts? How long do I have to pay for giving this person everything I had?

I feel for you buddy as I've been in a similar position. Yes, you don't have to pay for her. The system has to stop making this crazy decision based on gender. Females are so favored when it comes to divorces and child care. WTH? On the other hand be happy she's not part of your life anymore. Apparently was the wrong person and thinking you deserve better might be a good start. Sometimes paying to get the sicken out of you is worth it.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


That sucks man, it's sad that the woman you loved turned out to be such a shallow person, at least your conscience is clean while she might just not even have one...

By the way, I have a question for you that I think it could be useful as an advice for me since I just broke up with an awesome girl (3 year relationship, I'm 22) that always proved to me that money was not an issue and that she loved me for who I am, but it had to be done because I just didn't feel in the mood for a relationship anymore, I have life goals that I need to take care of and I am probably moving away, I think I just can't love at this time and I am aware that I'm taking the risk of losing her for good and having to find another girl later on...anyway, my question for you is:

How was your relationship in the beggining? Did she show any signs of being so attracted to the material life? At that time did you have in mind that this could happen or was she a genuinely nice girl that showed she loved you for you are? Am I being too naive asking this? My concern if is girls can change extremely to opposite personalities in a a certain period of time...

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

You should not be responsible at all for any debt incurred after the divorce. if it was joint debt from before the divorce you could need a lawyer, with the circumstances of the divorce you still would probably not have to pay, if it is like mine was in CA.

Hi Char-Lee; update - I'm screwed. Working to negotiate a settlement but in CO it is joint responsibility for children and since she filed bankruptcy it is now my debt.

CJ

Originally posted by ColoradoJens

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by ColoradoJens

 

You should not be responsible at all for any debt incurred after the divorce. if it was joint debt from before the divorce you could need a lawyer, with the circumstances of the divorce you still would probably not have to pay, if it is like mine was in CA.

Hi Char-Lee; update - I'm screwed. Working to negotiate a settlement but in CO it is joint responsibility for children and since she filed bankruptcy it is now my debt.

CJ

All I can say is WOW, there is so little fairness in so many of our laws!

I never understood getting married in the first place who wants to sign a legal contract saying that when the other person gets bored with you they get to leave take all of your stuff and leave you penniless because the contract says they are entitled. Stories like this are very disheartening and I sympathize with you brother, my dad told me in regards to him and my mom getting a divorce he told me in the end the Ferrari would have been cheaper. My advice to you is do your best to research domestic law and see if you cannot come up with a defense from this burden. Terrible thing to do to another person.

reply to post by WeRpeons


Those type of laws were put in place for stay at home mothers, but like every rule some jerk will find a way to abuse it.

Makes you think if getting married is redundant considering the above beng a victim to selfishness at the end using children as a tool to squander.