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Originally posted by TKDRL
Yeah, you read it right. I am native, and I am hitting up the cheap liquor hard tonight. I no longer drink that often, but when I do, I drink to get drunk. I drink at those times when I can't take the world anymore, and it's eithre drink until I pass out, or do something stupid. I will be typing very slow.
Tonight is one of those nights. I feel like I cannot relate to most people in the world, and feel alone alone alone. I feel hate from everywhere, and it overwhlems me completely. I never asked to be born, at least not that I remember. Maybe I am a masochist and chose who I was to become. Sometimes I drink because the physical pain is too much, when your teeth are rotting out of your skull, it hurts.
I don't know if I was ever right in the head, or if I was just really good at convincing myself. What is normal? What is love? What does love feel like? I thought I knew once, but that love I felt, turned to hate really fast when I found out my loved ones did me wrong. Family, I am not sure, I say I love them, and god help anyone that may wrong my family..... But I don't know if I love them. Terrible thing to say and feel. How do you know if you love a family member? Plenty of family members I thought I loved, well I have been away from them a long time. I don't know if I miss them, or I miss having them around me. Maybe I am a sociopath?
I don't know. I dont know anything really. Sometimes I feel like I should just kill myself, then my fear of death kicks in and I have a panic attack. I am sick of being me, but what if me is all I will ever be? What if once my life ceases to be, then that is all folks. Lights out. That scares the # out of me. What good have I done in this world? Have I done anything worthwhile? Is this all for nothing? Am I wasting my time, and other people's oxygen?
Damnit, I want answers, and no real answers are to be found. What am I going to do? I suppose tomorrow I will wake up with a hangover, and kick myself for being stupid, then continue to train for war. Or maybe I will not wake up at all.
I guess I am just sick of the fear. Sick of the doubt. And sick of the confusion. Where is jesus, budda, krishna, anyone. Bueller? Argh.
Hello my brother,
I can see the pain of my brother. There is much I can say to him. However, he needs to request it first. I cannot interfere.
I am sorry for this. Thank you.
Originally posted by TKDRL
Damnit, I want answers, and no real answers are to be found.