I am a native north american, and I am well into the fire water tonight

Alcohol is a strange beast. It used to be all fun when I was young, or maybe that is just selective memory
It really is hit or miss these days, sometimes it helps shut my blathering mind up for a nice quiet night of enjoying a movie or two, then other times it amplifies it to a deafening volume. Maybe in a month or two, when the memory of the hangover migraine is forgotten I will decide to drink once again. Maybe not. Maybe the hangover migraine was my subconscious way of giving me a much needed day in bed break. I do feel more rested than I have felt in a long time. Back to my art

reply to post by TKDRL

Find the cat.

reply to post by TKDRL

I recommend searching on former member "ApacheMan" and reading some his posts.
There are two current members with recent threads "Why aren't Native Americans Citizens?"
Search...

reply to post by TKDRL
Great music, I'm a Pink Floyd kind of guy and thanks for the Quoting 101, that was easy enough for even me to get.

Sounds like you made it. Most of what I was thinking "Beezzer"said in his first post, just because someone is family does not mean you just let them destroy your life........evaluate and move on.

Oh and on dying, my theory has always been that I have no fear of death, just the way I die.............something to think about or not.

reply to post by Granite


I remember apacheman, sad to hear that he is a former member

reply to post by Battleline


Well I would sure not like to be tortured to death, or slowly bleed out. Definitely not on my todo list for sure.

Originally posted by TKDRL
Yeah, you read it right. I am native, and I am hitting up the cheap liquor hard tonight. I no longer drink that often, but when I do, I drink to get drunk. I drink at those times when I can't take the world anymore, and it's eithre drink until I pass out, or do something stupid. I will be typing very slow.

Tonight is one of those nights. I feel like I cannot relate to most people in the world, and feel alone alone alone. I feel hate from everywhere, and it overwhlems me completely. I never asked to be born, at least not that I remember. Maybe I am a masochist and chose who I was to become. Sometimes I drink because the physical pain is too much, when your teeth are rotting out of your skull, it hurts.

I don't know if I was ever right in the head, or if I was just really good at convincing myself. What is normal? What is love? What does love feel like? I thought I knew once, but that love I felt, turned to hate really fast when I found out my loved ones did me wrong. Family, I am not sure, I say I love them, and god help anyone that may wrong my family..... But I don't know if I love them. Terrible thing to say and feel. How do you know if you love a family member? Plenty of family members I thought I loved, well I have been away from them a long time. I don't know if I miss them, or I miss having them around me. Maybe I am a sociopath?

I don't know. I dont know anything really. Sometimes I feel like I should just kill myself, then my fear of death kicks in and I have a panic attack. I am sick of being me, but what if me is all I will ever be? What if once my life ceases to be, then that is all folks. Lights out. That scares the # out of me. What good have I done in this world? Have I done anything worthwhile? Is this all for nothing? Am I wasting my time, and other people's oxygen?

Damnit, I want answers, and no real answers are to be found. What am I going to do? I suppose tomorrow I will wake up with a hangover, and kick myself for being stupid, then continue to train for war. Or maybe I will not wake up at all.

I guess I am just sick of the fear. Sick of the doubt. And sick of the confusion. Where is jesus, budda, krishna, anyone. Bueller? Argh.

my friend. You want to awaken to your true self.

If you want Mooji will bring you where want to be!!!!!

You are the silence itself! You are freedom itself. Become aware of it!

reply to post by TKDRL


STOP and listen please,. You have an honour bound duty to yourself not so much your ancestors, Be proud do you know how many people whom have no Native ancestry and think they do suddenly become all, Oh I have such and such an ancestor.
Your duty is to shake off the depression and get out and live. Use that cleaning fluid for what it is best used for the floor and if you have to let go of the past and find yourself instead of living under some shadow of what you or a traditionalist tells you that you have to be then so be it, find yourself not what they want and tell the world to go to hell, it is my life and I am going to live it.
Get out there and be happy
You are whom and what you want to be.
Though I would be proud. Be proud just to be yourself.
I have tried to relate to people for 43 years and can tell you this, the one person you have to relate to is yourself as outside the walls of your own mind the world is what it is and there is a lot for you to find yet.
Peace and I wish you happiness and well being.

Perform 3 anonymous and random acts of kindness each day for 3 days. Expect nothing in return.

reply to post by TKDRL

"Take your time, don't live to fast."

"Troubles will come, and they will pass."

"Go find a woman, and you'll find love."

"And don't forget son, there is someone up above."

"And be a simple, kind of man."

"Be something, you love and understand."

Skynyrd, brings back some memories

Hello my brother,
I can see the pain of my brother. There is much I can say to him. However, he needs to request it first. I cannot interfere.
I am sorry for this. Thank you.

This may be of help to you; Please check it out:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Originally posted by TKDRL
Damnit, I want answers, and no real answers are to be found.

I totally hear you. Life is like being tossed into a board game, and no one knows the rules of the game or the objective. And there weren't any definitive instructions included with the game.

BTW .. for a drunk guy .. your keyboarding is just fine. I couldn't do that ....

Firefox is good for drunk typing, it underlines all the misspelled words for you with angry little red squiggle lines

reply to post by IAMTAT


Looks like it might be worth reading, but not until I have time to actually sit down, read and absorb it.

reply to post by TKDRL

Understood. He's aware you may soon be contacting him...and is quite forthcoming with insight.