Sinking Feeling

Holding the remote after turning off the television and having viewed the mainstream media's take on world events. Sitting here my mind racing with thoughts of destruction and fear of a future unknown.

I begin to reflect on where we have been and what has gotten us to this point, and I can't seem to escape that feeling.

My mind goes back to the raw images of war in Fallujah and all that was before, all the way back to September 11, 2001... I grow numb in a notion of utter depression... I think of the election and again I can't seem to escape that feeling.

My nation is divided, my state is divided, my city is divided, and I can't even escape the division on the web site that once was my only escape... I still can't get away from that feeling.

What are we doing?.. Why must it be this way?

I feel as though the country I live in has now lost the meaning of democracy, a time where an election is only a side show and no one's vote really counts... What happened to that feeling of pride, unity and resolve?

Have I forgotten what optimism is?

I can't escape the visions of death and destruction that was brought to us in such shocking reality on 9/11, yet it is almost overshadowed by recent events... and that damned feeling.

I can't look ahead and see a future for my children that does not come without the pain of the present being created... A price paid in part and a debt left to them... and that damned feeling.

As I try to find hope, I see more death and destruction and find threats against us that are being ignored... Faces of people from a world we may not have known but for this war... to often they are the faces of the dead... dammit there is that feeling again.

I was hopful that with the past election a new course would be set and the path to peace at last found, but now that seems like only a distant dream, a tragic time we live in.. A world that seems darker than ever and a time in my life where I can't seem to escape that sinking feeling

Then I slapped myself, and in a moment of pure thought I came to understand the reality of all that gave me that feeling... We did not choose this war... We did not pick this fight.. We did not create these enemies... We just reacted, They lit the fuse that exploded into this war, not us. We feel like we have no choise because they have given us none... We are in the fight of our lives yet we really are only watching, for it is our sons and daughters who are fighting.... And for them I do have a new feeling .. and I can only call it Pride.

Welcome to my manic moment..... And then I woke up!

[edit on 9-11-2004 by UM_Gazz]

Just a couple of thoughts, here.

1. None of us gets out of here alive, in any case. SO, each and every day that you can claim, that you can attach GOOD TO, is simply a blessing.

2. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's irritating but true. And you children watching you handle it are learning to handle IT.

3. Chaos is always finite. It can only last so long before it self-destructs. That doesn't mean, the people are gone. I just means, all the anger and angst finally just wear everybody out [as well as bankrupt everything]; and they go back to "just living."

4. It'll be over when it's over. We can't wish it away; and we can't wish ourselves into the future. Sufficient for each day is its own good and its own evil.

5. Distract yourself. Go play with your kids while they're still young enough to want to play with you. One day you'll turn around, and they'll be all grown up right before your eyes.

I know the feeling you describe. It's not an easy one to work through.

Um: I cried election night and felt despair. I thought of my kids on the East Coast and when I would see them again.
I called them, and talked to my whole family, they made me laugh and reassured me that everything would be alright. They asked me to live life day to day and chin up and be happy.
Those words coming from 2 inmature boys (men) made me feel good and they made me realize that we have all been thru good times and bad times and all i can remember are the laughs and the good times together. I never remember the bad times. Maybe this will pass, nothing is really ever as bad as we all imagine. Reach out to your family, live life everyday and before you know it this will have all been in the past.
I dont like to see my fellow ATS'ers down in the dumps. Feel better.

UM... thank you for the sweet replies... But really this was done as a story

I really was trying to make a point about the current times we live in and the darker feelings so many seem to feel.. I gathered this from reading here on this site and combined it with my own perceptions.

Look again.. there is just a hint in there.

Sorry to give the wrong impression... I do feel odd about all of this .. But really happiness comes for me as you said one day at a time... Tonight that was doing homework with my kids.. reading through their "sign papers" as they call them.. and later playing the PS2 game with them.. and letting them win

I guess I missed the mark here in trying to make a point... Oh well maybe next time.

Gazz

[edit on 9-11-2004 by UM_Gazz]

Ya mean i got all misty eyed for nothing??Thanks!!!!!