I hate my father.

Don't forget about your brother and sister, try your best to stay in contact with them and meet up from time to time. From the sound of it, it looks like they will need someone like you in their life for some balance, they are family after all. This should be good for them and you too.

Originally posted by intrepid
OK, I've got a LOAD of experience on this issue. Ditch the hate. It's baggage, your own and you can control it. Hate/anger is an emotion that demands your energy and give nothing back. I finally dealt with my family issues when I was 32 and I've been happier since ditching that crap. Go your way but remove excessive negative emotions. You'll be better off for it. Basically.... screw em.

This is very true, but I should add, it takes time: the wisdom to find the will and patience, which in turn fosters more wisdom.



XxNightAngelusxX, you've received a lot of good advice here. I would just add this: do not allow your hurt feelings to guide you too aggressively into a direction in life, any direction. I was once young and bruised from a great deal of abuse and I wanted to be a revolutionary and change the world. Not in a violent way, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that path either, but in a strong way. It is dangerous however to move too far, too quickly when you are young and are still learning. I am not saying that you do not need change and a direction which is purposeful and has meaning for you; you do. But just bear in mind that you should always move forward with eyes open, unclouded by fear, anger and hate. This is not easy and may take some time to fully accomplish, but you may find that things will go much better for you once you do manage this.

In the meantime, please take time to relax, clear your mind and simply appreciate yourself. Having been a victim of abuse myself, I know how feelings of low self-esteem can hide and linger on unseen by yourself and how insecurities and resentments can sew sub-conscious decisions that work to your detriment. Never think that you are alone or that no one understands. You may be surprised by how many do and would gladly be your friend and care for and respect you for who you are. I've read a few of your posts and you're clearly exceptionally bright, passionate and strong-minded for your age (or any age.) I also can relate to this and this is why I'd warn you, if you'll listen, to be cautious about where passion (when aided by unresolved issues) can lead you. For what it's worth, please don't move forward without always looking within: facing, accepting and healing. It is the only right way forward, for you.

Take care.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I can understand how you feel. I was molested by my father from age 4 until he moved out when I was 12. I know that two of my brothers knew about it because they were there when he would take me into his bedroom. My mother ignored it...didn't want to believe it was true. When my father left, HE divorced my mom. Four years later my mom remarried him! And my brothers are really great too. For years they denied that I was abused. It's many years later and my parents are dead, but my brothers continue their public denial. My older brother won't have anything to do with me. I told him that I forgave him for not telling someone, but he still can't stand the sight of me. Too many bad memories I guess. My younger brother treats me like I'm insane. It hurts me so much that they act this way. My father had another daughter with his second wife and he also abused her. My brothers BELIEVE her!!!! Also, my younger brother continued having a relationship with my father until he died at age 84. My older brother had nothing to do with our father for the rest of his life. He knew. I try really hard not to let what happened affect my life, but the pain doesn't go away.

Hang in there, focus on the good in your life, and try to let go of the past,

It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

The thing is, you sound just like your parents. The rage and hatred coming off your post is abusive, just like you say your parents did to you. You can find nothing good to say about your mother, which is how you say she treated you. You can find nothing good to say about your father, mostly because he chose your mother over you.

You sound just like them. You're just perpetuating how they are, the next generation of hostility and anger. You're somebody to stay away from: damaged goods because you don't know how to relate to anyone other than how your parents taught you.

What you do not need right now is a bunch of co-dependents agreeing with you and fueling your anger so they can feel warm and cozy from the flames. People agreeing with you are not helping you. They are simply making you feel self-righteous. And that's not a good thing.

Now you can continue to feel sorry for yourself, continue ranting, and continue perpetuating the emotions of your parents, or you can take some responsibility for your own self and stop this destructive behavior. What you need to say to yourself is: "I'm on this Earth for a reason. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. Damned if I know what it is right now, but I could work on that."

Originally posted by schuyler

You're somebody to stay away from: damaged goods because you don't know how to relate to anyone other than how your parents taught you.

Wow. While we are staying away from her should we pretend that she and what happened to her doesn't exist? Unfortunately too many people think of abused children as "damaged goods".

reply to post by schuyler

The thing is, you sound just like your parents. The rage and hatred coming off your post is abusive, just like you say your parents did to you. You can find nothing good to say about your mother, which is how you say she treated you. You can find nothing good to say about your father, mostly because he chose your mother over you.

I've always been an angry, passionate person. And she is NOT my mother.

You sound just like them. You're just perpetuating how they are, the next generation of hostility and anger. You're somebody to stay away from: damaged goods because you don't know how to relate to anyone other than how your parents taught you.

Righhhht, because you know so much about me, huh?

Well... my friends and my fiance beg to differ.

Damaged people are the wisest, and while I'm the first to admit I'm not *wise* enough yet, I'm a kid. I relate to people much better than either of my parents, (step parent), because they are perfect examples of what not to do when you're in danger of screwing up any kind of relationship.

And besides that, who do you think you are?

I'm less than you, because I'm "damaged goods?" People are not products from Wal-Mart. The fact that you rank people's worth upon how *damaged* they are is a bit of an egotistical, sheltered way to view things.

Thank you for showing me what kind of intellect I'm working with here though

What you do not need right now is a bunch of co-dependents agreeing with you and fueling your anger so they can feel warm and cozy from the flames. People agreeing with you are not helping you. They are simply making you feel self-righteous. And that's not a good thing.

Well, after years of being told I'm a waste of space, its nice to have an online community who tell me otherwise. I'm very grateful to ATS for this.

Now you can continue to feel sorry for yourself, continue ranting, and continue perpetuating the emotions of your parents, or you can take some responsibility for your own self and stop this destructive behavior.

Sorry for myself? Not really. I won't deny that I can be self indulgent sometimes, but I'm going through a lot right now... besides, I dedicate just as much, if not more, time to other ATS members and other friends in general who need support.

Ranting? Damn straight, its one of my favorite hobbies.

Emotion from my parents? Hardly. What exactly am I doing that's destructive?

This crooked assumption, along with your mistaking my stepmother for my REAL mother, indicates that you obviously only read the title and maybe bits and pieces of the OP.

What you need to say to yourself is: "I'm on this Earth for a reason. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. Damned if I know what it is right now, but I could work on that."

Again, read the OP. I have a lot of plans that don't involve my family at all.

I plan to join every truth movement I can find once I'm back in Texas, and go from there.

You seem to be one of those Wisdom Displacement types, who think they do the world some good by spreading their misguided experience (which passes for wisdom?) onto the younger generation, because they are "young and naive" and need to know and understand the "adult world."

The general message I get from people like you is this;

1 - You're automatically wrong, because you're young

2 - By attempting to cut you down, I am giving you a learning experience

3 - Know your place

That last one really urks me.

Here's the question I have for the sufferers of Wisdom Displacement.

If so much is wrong with the world, and the world is full of people from your generations, then perhaps its time for a change? Perhaps your experience isn't what needs to be hammered into the minds of the youth? Perhaps they should learn for themselves from the world around them, how not to run things.

Just like "damaged goods" with jaded parents.

I wish I could put this on a billboard somewhere.

Please stop trying to force your opinionated belief systems on me.

I'm not gonna change just to please you.

Wow. While we are staying away from her should we pretend that she and what happened to her doesn't exist? Unfortunately too many people think of abused children as "damaged goods".

Meh... some folks simply can't understand things without experiencing them first-hand.

I understand their perspective, but its obviously bias, and dare I say, ignorant.

BTW, I read your post, and I very much appreciate your input.