I hate my father.

My heart goes out to you friend. I tell you this though, It looks to me like you can do it all without them!. You have all the tools to be successful. You have courage, The hunger , Confidence and you have the main ingredient in my eyes........And that's the fire in your belly. You go and get what you want........

You have already recieved some great advice in here, so I just want you to know that my heart goes out you. I wish you a beautiful life ahead of you. You are not worthless and should never be made to feel that way. You have much worth and will see that one day. Good luck in your journey ahead.

It gets so much better once you move out on your own.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I used to hate my father to and before you give up reading just hear me out.

My mother died when I was 9 years old. I woke up to find the ambulance outside and paramedics carrying my mum out on a stretcher. I never saw her again. I wasn't even allowed to go to her funeral. My dad expected my sister and I to pick up all the things my mother used to do. The cooking, cleaning, shopping washing, everything. My childhood disappeared under a pile of laundry. At that age I didn't understand much about the world, my dad would go to work at 5.30am and wouldn't come home until 10.30pm he didn't want to be in the house with us. If when he came home a cooked meal wasn't ready or chores had not been done he grew violent and more than once I copped a beating. This is how life was for us for quite a while and then he met the woman who was to become my stepmother.

Her first act was to have me put into care. My sister had already grown up and left home to join the military. This was her way of escaping what was going on at home, which left me on my own. She managed to persuade my father that I had "issues" that needed help. So I went into care. They took my college fund and went on holiday to Greece for a few weeks. I won't complain about my 13 weeks in care as to me it was an extended holiday and I hadn't had so much fun in years. After 13 weeks I was placed back with my father although I pleaded with them not to. I just got in the way of them having fun at home and the violence increased. Until on my 16th birthday dad and I had a massive row and needless to say I ended up walking out and I never went back.

I shall skip ahead a few years to the birth of my first child, dad and my by then stepmother, they had got married, came to see us at the hospital. She announced that she was her grandmother and there was no need to tell my daughter about her other grandmother. At this I hit the roof and I told them that my children would know their true grandmother. My dad was not allowed to talk about his first wife, my mum. She had him get rid of all the photographs. She was his life now. We never spoke for about 20 years.

Until one day my father asked for me. My step mother had died of Altzeimers. Talk of Karma, she tried to destroy my mothers memory and it was her's that got taken. My dad could still be abusive and quite often was when he was drunk but he would never take it out on me as he knew I would never take it from him. I had already proved that. During all those years I had a chance to think, a chance to learn and a chance to grow. I could now understand that my father was never taught how to bring up children, he was taught that it was the womans job to do this. His mother was a violent woman and if a problem cropped up she would hit it and the problem went away. That's what he learnt growing up, the problems didn't go away in reality he just couldn't see them anymore. He was unable to deal with this situation and unable to adjust or ask for help as his pride got in the way. One night when he was in a melancholy mood we were talking and I asked for his forgiveness, as a child I had been full of anger and resentment and I certainly had not made his job as a single parent any easier, this weighed on me heavily and I needed to say sorry for that. To my surprise he said sorry to me for not handling the situation better and for all the violence that had gone on between us. After this my relationship with him changed and it ended up to be quite good between us. He died shortly after this but I have no regrets. My sister however never got an apology from him, something she desperately wanted and tried to get out of him for years.

Although the situation with your family may be bad now I hope that in the future you may see and be part of a change and a happy resolution. 30 years ago I would never have thought it would be possible for me but it happened.Until then you must do what is right for you and I hope you find peace and good friends as I have x

You're wasting your life being cranky and crabby. If you do not like the situation you are in then move along. Life is too short to be ranting all the time. concentrate on the good things life has to offer, do not get obsessed with the negative things in life.

OK, I've got a LOAD of experience on this issue. Ditch the hate. It's baggage, your own and you can control it. Hate/anger is an emotion that demands your energy and give nothing back. I finally dealt with my family issues when I was 32 and I've been happier since ditching that crap. Go your way but remove excessive negative emotions. You'll be better off for it. Basically.... screw em.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


My parents were truly abusive, mentally and physically. I left home at seventeen and never really looked back. The thing I didn't do was harbor ill will. In fact, I felt sorry for them. They never learned how to love unconditionally. I did keep in touch with them some and tried occasionally to include them in my life but it never worked out.

Do not let your heart fill up with hate and bitterness. It is so easy to do and it will color everything you do. I am guessing that there was a point in your life in which you loved your father, (otherwise the hurt would not be so close to the surface). Keep that and let the rest go for now. The years have a way of settling emotional debts if you let them.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


This is one of those " one sided story " issues.

That said, it sounds like you're having a rough ass time no matter what the other side is.
But you are far to young to decide you hate your Father. I know how hard that might be
to understand, so try to keep this in mind You've made a decision to hate. No good can
come from that.

Originally posted by Night Star
You have already recieved some great advice in here, so I just want you to know that my heart goes out you. I wish you a beautiful life ahead of you. You are not worthless and should never be made to feel that way. You have much worth and will see that one day. Good luck in your journey ahead.

An awesome member !

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


In August of 1996 my sister and I were sharing an afternoon together - a rare thing at that point in our lives as we were both so busy and preoccupied with our own personal lives... jobs... love interests... etc. - and we had just put in a VHS copy of the movie "Periscope Down" when the phone rang. It was my uncle from California.

He was calling to say that our father had been admitted to the hospital but was in stable condition.

At that point neither my sister or I had really talked to our father in quite awhile. In fact the last time I had spoken to him was October 12, 1990 - the night my son was born. Even though my father and I had been distant for many years at that point, I felt he would appreciate the call. Even though I have two much older half-sisters, neither had ever had any children. My son was my fathers first grandchild.... Something I truly believed he would take great pride in. He answered and quickly told me that he had a "lady friend" over and told me to call back later. I jumped to the chase and said "My son was born tonight. Your grandson. You are a grandfather now."

He replied "I thought you were queer." and hung up the phone. That was the last time we ever spoke.

Going back further, in the summer of 1980 I walked into my house after school and found a scene that was familiar to me. You see my father beat me fairly often and he had a ritual for doing it... once he was done he would make me cower in a corner of the living room. He would close all of the blinds and curtains, turn off all of the lights and unplug all of the phones.

As I walked into the house that day I entered a room exactly in that state... phone laying on the counter, blinds and curtains closed... My ten year old baby sister curled up in an upright fetal ball in the corner, behind a reclining chair.

Before that moment it never even occurred to me that he might be hurting her too. I found out years later that he indeed had been hurting her in ways I could never have imagined... The reason why my two half-sisters never had children. But on this day I was oblivious to those particular sins and only knew that he had beaten my baby sister.

He spent the night in the hospital, that night, with a fractured skull, a ruptured ear drum, a broken orbital socket, a concussion, and a broken jaw.

He never touched me or my sister again.

As my sister and I resumed watching Periscope Down that day.... not even three or four minutes later, the phone rang again. This time it was my aunt. The information my uncle had conveyed to us was hours old and out of date. My father had died about two hours earlier. Septic shock due to sclerosis of the liver due to alcoholism.

He died alone. This bit at me because once, in anger, I had told him this is how he would end. Dead and spot on. I warned him that he would die in a hospital room by himself.

For years I wondered if my words didn't somehow make it happen that way... that maybe I willed it into happening.

We got to California 2 days later to settle his affairs and handle the funerary arrangements. This proved to be a difficult process because my father had a girlfriend - a girlfriend who he had lied to about everything. He told her that he never had children. He told her he'd been a commercial pilot his entire life ( he was a military pilot and then an air traffic controller after surviving a plane crash in the Korean War ). He told her he had a fortune put away in banks. He had cosigned for cars for his girlfriend, his former girlfriend, and his former girlfriends daughter - and was making the payments on all of them ( the former girlfriend and the daughter, it turns out, were being paid off NOT to report him for the things he had done to the daughter when she was a child ).

It was a surreal and utterly uphill battle to get these things straightened out.

To make matters worse he had evaded taxes for more than the last decade of his life and was not only broke, but he owed the IRS a small fortune. My life insurance policy, purchased for me as a child - carried a cash value... since he was listed as the beneficiary on it - the IRS seized that too. They took everything. They took everything and we still had to pay off his bills, out of our own pockets.

His wish, stated over the years, was that he wanted to be cremated and for his ashes to be scattered in Marthas Vineyard. In the minutes before his body was turned to ash, I asked for a minute of privacy with his body. When everyone else had left the room I kissed his cold forehead and said "I forgive you. You owe me nothing."

My point is... I did not do that for his sorry ass. I did it for me. He deserved as much hate as I could manage to feel toward him. He earned it. But I'd have lost myself in the bargain, had I given in to the urge.

He would have won.

Don't let others win that way.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Speak it sista speak it!

You should print your post and mail it to them.
If the step mom does all that she is treatend by you so take it as a bitter sweet compliment.

One thing you need to be careful of is never repeat that negative learned behavior with future friends and if you have kids. Find positive ways to deal with things. Never give them the satisfaction that you become one like them in that way.

And if its your dads house he needs to man up and get that bitch out the house so you can visit. She has the order he and the house doesn't. Anyway you can still get close through writing if she doesn't throw away the mail.

I'm sorry if I don't reply to EVERYONE individually, but I promise I've read EVERY post, and I took everything in. Thank you all very much for taking the time to reply, I love you for that.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"

That's the plan Its a lot harder when I've never seen anyone else do what I wanna do before.

That's one reason I'm moving to Austin. There's LOTS of *truth* movements down there.

YOU have a choice to make: let the drama and BS flood your life, or let it wash over you.

Thaaaaat's why I'm leaving. I haven't got the money to leave yet, and until I do, I'm stuck in the middle of the bs and hell. BUUUT, it won't be much longer.

I like your attitude.

Raw, uncut anger.

One more thing: when you listed the things you're going accomplish, you forgot to include the awesome book you've been sharing with us.

Plan on it, friend.

Just try your best to not talk about your family in such a negative way because it creates negative energy within you and that's never good. Just remember, family is family. Maybe one day things may be sewn back together.

I've tried to believe this many, many times. The most recent time (after I hadn't tried having faith in my family for years) was when my mother and father briefly got back together after the stepmother left. Life was pretty cool, for a few months. It ended pretty nastily. I knew better than to think my father wasn't a piece of garbage.

He's a cheater, just like his father.

My family is full of violence and drugs. I have no faith in them.

Anyway, she called up my Father at work and told on me, LOL!. My Dad came home and he and I got into it and almost came to blows. I told him to go # himself and I moved out. He did later on beg me to come back, but I said no, not as long as that monster is under that roof. She destroyed herself around 6 months later cause he kicked her ass out.

I totally know how you feel...

*Hugz for ya*

My father helped my stepmother put a false restraining order on me--the first time, it was used as a gearing tactic because they didn't want my mother to obtain custody of my brother and sister, and since I was living with my mother at the time, it made her custody battle hopeless. He testified against me. The second time, she was blackmailing my father.

As many times as she's beat me, and any time I fought back, she called the cops, as many times as she let her son steal my belongings, break them, spit at me, throw things at me, etc, GOD... and she has the nerve to LIE to the court, saying I'm a danger to the kids because I "own scary swords" and "act strangely violent."

I've never started a fight in my life!!!

I own swords because I'm a prepper, and I can't afford to get firearms yet...

Hate will only consume you.

Yeah. It keeps me warm.

They didn't choose to be that way.

Here's the thing about that...

My father DID choose this.

He's been better. MUCH better.

He used to be an alcoholic, then he quit drinking. By himself, with no help at all.

He's tried to be a model father before, and he's tried to spend time with his children.

Now, he's addicted to narcotics, won't see me anymore because he reunited with the stepmother, and I have to listen to my mom AND my little brother cry their eyes out, because my mother is worried about them being in a harmful environment, and my little brother is completely afraid of her. He lied to me about her, and won't talk to me. He hangs up on me when I ask him "what he's doing" like a child. Now, he's throwing a fit because his family disowned him.

That woman-thing has put ALL of my family through hell.

Okay, the rant was good. You needed to get it off your chest. Now, I'm going to ask you to do something. Many here will probably suggest forgiving your father, but I won't. I'm going to ask you to understand him.

I've thought about this. Considering my papaw is an alcoholic cheater, my mamaw is insane, everyone in his family is addicted to some substance or another, and all but one of his siblings are dead after killing themselves, I understand. That's the only reason I ever chose to forgive him the first time. He really is broken.

But he's putting my brother and sister through hell right now, making them live with an abusive beast.

And I can't report her. Because I can go to jail for having any knowledge of her actions.

I understand why he's numbed and broken.

I DON'T understand why he thinks that waste-of-space monster mends the wounds in any way.

She does NOTHING but destroy everything around her.

It really drives me crazy when religious people say that only love will fix the world we live in.

While I agree with everything else you said, I still think love is the best medicine.

Even hateful old me believes that...

My heart goes out to you friend. I tell you this though, It looks to me like you can do it all without them!

Hear hear! Thanks for dropping in, friend.

You have already recieved some great advice in here, so I just want you to know that my heart goes out you. I wish you a beautiful life ahead of you. You are not worthless and should never be made to feel that way. You have much worth and will see that one day. Good luck in your journey ahead.

Thanks a lot, and your picture was something I needed to read...

Thank you.

It gets so much better once you move out on your own.

God willing

I used to hate my father to and before you give up reading just hear me out.

I read your story, and I can see where you're coming from.

Its harder to hate people once they're dead.

Not impossible, though.

You're wasting your life being cranky and crabby. If you do not like the situation you are in then move along. Life is too short to be ranting all the time. concentrate on the good things life has to offer, do not get obsessed with the negative things in life.

Ha... if only it was so easy to *get over it*

Unfortunately, my brother and sister are suffering, and my hands are tied, because my father is a selfish cheater. Besides, I got a revolution to take part in once I'm outta here, that's all I care about now. The hell with family.

Go your way but remove excessive negative emotions. You'll be better off for it. Basically.... screw em.

I hope to some day...

But right now, they seem to be the only feelings that get me out of bed.

Do not let your heart fill up with hate and bitterness. It is so easy to do and it will color everything you do. I am guessing that there was a point in your life in which you loved your father, (otherwise the hurt would not be so close to the surface). Keep that and let the rest go for now. The years have a way of settling emotional debts if you let them.

I always loved my father, but just like everyone else in the family, he is self destructive.

And he knows it.

And he understands that it has a ripple effect on everyone around him.

He's selfish, and he wants to wallow in his failed life rather than rise above and conquer it, everyone else in his inner circle be damned.

I hope I feel better once I'm outta here.

This is one of those " one sided story " issues.

I can see why you think that, but I'm not leaving anything out to *boost* my "side."

I don't consider them to have a "side," because to me, they are less than human.

That said, it sounds like you're having a rough ass time no matter what the other side is. But you are far to young to decide you hate your Father. I know how hard that might be to understand, so try to keep this in mind You've made a decision to hate. No good can come from that.

Feels a lot better than trying to love him.

He would have won.

Don't let others win that way.

I read your story... I feel ya.

I don't plan to live in hate forever, but trying to "love" him through it is about impossible.

I am one of those people who believes love can save the world, but I don't think I'm strong enough in the "love" department to apply that rule to my own life. I love a lot of people, but as for forgiveness, patience, and everything attached to love, I'm terrible.

Didn't have great teachers... not that I'm pointing the finger away from me or anything.

Its my own fault.

One thing you need to be careful of is never repeat that negative learned behavior with future friends and if you have kids. Find positive ways to deal with things. Never give them the satisfaction that you become one like them in that way.

I've thought about this too. I don't have kids, and don't plan to... not any time soon.

And its not because I'm too "young" to handle the responsibility. I'm very good at being responsible, and I'm wonderful with kids. I master at babysitting.

The reason I'm choosing not to have kids is because I'm too much like my family, namely my father.

I'm worried I'll ruin my kids with the anger and bitterness, just like he did... and his parents did.

I'm not good enough just yet, but I will be.

Thaaaat's why I'm leaving.

All that being said.. I found out something disturbing.

I just learned my mamaw, my father's mom, disowned him completely.

This is an enormous deal in my family. While they're all a bit self-destructive and not entirely law abiding, they have sort of a gang-like mentality, where "family comes first." They have an unspoken loyalty to one another, so strong (and albeit blind) that they often get violent with anyone who's hurt any of our family in any way.

They even used to threaten my mother, when my parents first divorced.

My father is my mamaw's pride and joy. Through the alcohol abuse, the cheating, the lying, my mamaw stuck with him and made excuses for him all the way. Even when he abused me, she stuck up for him. My father's sister is a drug addict, and her other son killed himself. My dad went into the military, had a family (for a while), and he's the closest thing to "successful" she has.

I've never once heard mamaw talk bad about him.

After finding out my dad is back with the stepmother, my mamaw said she hated him, never wanted to see him again, and she didn't even want him at her funeral.



And now, my father's side of the family is supporting my mother completely, saying they'll help her get custody of the little ones.

That really says something about what my stepmother has done to my family. As damaged as my family is, she's ten times worse. She even had her son against the wall by the throat in my mamaw's house once, and my mamaw attacked her for it. My mamaw despised my stepmother, everyone in my family did, and still does.

No one else in my family will talk to him, and his mother hates him.

And guys, as many times as you've told me not to let hate consume me, and I've deflected those comments back, please don't think I'm some kind of heartless monster for it.

I planned on telling him what I thought of him, essentially unloading on him, then never speaking to him again, until I heard that my mamaw did it.

Now, all I can think about is how badly that must have hurt him.

So, I'm not gonna let him have it.

Next time I see him, I'm gonna give him a hug, tell him I love him, and he can do whatever he wants with his life. I have plans, and none of them involve him... or any of my family. My primary goal has always been to cut and run from my family, even before I was *awake.*

Next time I see him, it'll be the last time I see him, but I'm not gonna tell him that.

Its not gonna hit him hard when he figures it out, because he already chose not to see me anymore.

So... I'm taking the peaceful route. This time.

I figure its a bit too much to be disowned by your mother and your daughter at the same time. I don't wanna do that to him. It would kill me to hurt someone that much. Even him... apparently.

I can't believe how calm I am now.

Meh... everything'll be alright. I have a flawless fiance, some amazing friends, and a massive goal in life.

Everything'll be fine.

EDIT; That's enough for being self-indulgent. Ima browse other threads now.

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX

YOU have a choice to make: let the drama and BS flood your life, or let it wash over you.

Thaaaaat's why I'm leaving. I haven't got the money to leave yet, and until I do, I'm stuck in the middle of the bs and hell. BUUUT, it won't be much longer.

No, it's not money that's going to accomplish this for you. It's a state of mind.

Changing your environment helps, but changing your attitude (internal environment) is better!

It's a long-term solution. Just imagine not having anything to rant about anymore I'd like to see that day too!

Originally posted by NarcolepticBuddha

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX

YOU have a choice to make: let the drama and BS flood your life, or let it wash over you.

Thaaaaat's why I'm leaving. I haven't got the money to leave yet, and until I do, I'm stuck in the middle of the bs and hell. BUUUT, it won't be much longer.

No, it's not money that's going to accomplish this for you. It's a state of mind.

Changing your environment helps, but changing your attitude (internal environment) is better!

It's a long-term solution. Just imagine not having anything to rant about anymore

edit on 21-7-2013 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)

Please don't think I don't have this goal in mind. It drives me more than anything.

But you're right.

Still, I'll never be without a ranting topic. I am an angry, passionate individual.

I'll always be ranting about something.

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX
I'll always be ranting about something.

I somehow knew you would say that!

Incredibly more common then what one would expect.

I never knew my father and my mother remarried when I was young. He was abusive also and as a child I begged my mom to send me back to California with my grandma. Year after year I pleaded to no avail. I eventually took matters into my own hands and fled and frog marched my ass to the police station. I was very clear with them that if they sent me back I would go rabbit and no one would see me again. By this time I was 13.

Needless to say I was placed in foster care and got emancipated at age 17. I still have no contact with my mother. It's not that I'm opposed to trying o work things out but she isn't allowed. I must first acknowledge my sins that "I" caused to the house. And bring Jesus back into my heart.

Some people are backwards and broken. Some people can't be helped. It's best to simply wash your ands ad walk away. It's not easy but sounds like the best thing for you. I wish you all the best and if you need someone to talk to I'm only a U2U away.

Stay safe and sacred.

Double post

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Seems like the acorn didn't fall to far away from the tree, or monster is starting to seep into your soul hahaha.

A teen daughter hating her dad.. that has never ever happened before.

You say you hate your father but it seems you only hate him because he chose another woman over you.

Well, this may sound pretty crappy but.. if you are out of highschool chances are you will find a mate soon.. and well that kinda puts your dad out in the cold.

In the end you only really have your mate in the long run after children grow up and make their own lives.

You should probably understand that... You said you were abused.. maybe you should be happy you are set free from the abuse.. but maybe you have become dependent on it or something.

In either case you should probably not sour your life being angry and take the restraining order as a reason to go out and make your own life. In the future maybe different opportunities will open up if you really want to get close to your dad.

I think you are blowing this out of proportion but teenage girls usually do.

You have nice first world problems. At least you don't have to worry about bombs falling on your house, being abused simply for being a woman or becoming a victim of civil unrest like teens do in some countries.

lighten up

Have fun on sixth street! I miss the time i spent in UTA

Everyone;

Stay safe and sacred.

I know where you're coming from, friend. Of course I will.

Seems like the acorn didn't fall to far away from the tree, or monster is starting to seep into your soul hahaha.

I hope you're not suggesting that I am like my step mother.

I don't take drugs and beat children with shoes, nor would I ever.

You say you hate your father but it seems you only hate him because he chose another woman over you.

No. This woman beats her own children, and beat us when I used to live there.

Now, my little bro and sis are stuck with her again.

I hate him for bringing her back into our lives.

She is a demon.

Well, this may sound pretty crappy but.. if you are out of highschool chances are you will find a mate soon.. and well that kinda puts your dad out in the cold.

I've been with someone for four years and counting. I have a wonderful fiance.

Not like my father in any way.

That's what makes him wonderful.

My dad hadn't called me for years, since I was 14. He never made an effort to see me.

I'm not the one doing the *abandoning* here.

I think you are blowing this out of proportion but teenage girls usually do.

Wow. Pretty easy to demean someone else's situation when you haven't walked in their shoes.

I think you're assuming too much about a situation that you don't understand.

People usually do.

You have nice first world problems. At least you don't have to worry about bombs falling on your house, being abused simply for being a woman or becoming a victim of civil unrest like teens do in some countries.

Like I said, its easy to demean someone's problems if you never experienced them.

Considering I'm the only one in the family to graduate high school, not to be dependent on any substance, and has never tried to kill myself, I think I'm doing better than a lot of people might do.

Don't rank other people's problems.

I'm a big kid, I can handle it, but kicking someone while they're down is not the way to mend them.

Might not do well for others you talk to.

Don't ever do that to anyone.

That's a common psychological trait among bullies.

That's not something you want incorporated into yourself, is it?