Originally posted by Astrocyte
Although intelligence is foremost, it's hyperbolic to say that a handsome or beautiful woman who is also intelligent wouldn't want to be
handsome or beautiful. Just simply imagine a fairy god mother coming to you and giving you the option: would you like to become ugly? If they truly
don't care, it wouldn't matter. Yes, or No. But I think most good looking people would be opposed to having themselves transform into an ugly person.
To state it bluntly, It's a good thing being good looking. But it's certainly not important enough to derive your whole sense of self from.
Okay, as a person who is one of those getting old and wrinkly, and gaining in the self confidence I exude,
as I lose the looks that once were exceptional in most others' judgements....
I did NOT like being good looking in the eyes of others! I have found it a blessing to be losing that. At last, people stop staring at my face and
answering me with "Gee, yer pretty."
As a child, adolescent, young adult- "Look what I just made (wrote, drew, built, did...)"
Other- "You are so pretty."
I had a mother who was jealous, hurt and cruel as she judged me good looking. In order to soothe her, I had to play upon the idea that I am stupid. I
had to do that with most female friends in fact.
The dumb blond stereotype has some real reason for being- not that pretty blondes are dumb, but that they learn to pretend they are.
With a handicapped sister who felt overwhelmed and inferior next to me, I needed to give her some space to shine and grow too- that meant hiding
intelligence and looks.
Yes, with looks, if you are up for a job opportunity, against someone of equal skill and experience, but less attractive, you are more likely to get
the job. But on the other hand, if you got it because your skills and experience were superior, no one will recognize that- the assumption will always
be that you got it because of your face.
Everything you succeed in, in fact, will be suspected as just having happened because of your looks.
Well, now? People listen
when I speak! They are not staring dreamily at my face!
Now? They acknowledge that what I say, what I know, has merit and is worth consideration!
The real me that has been eclipsed because of appearence can finally be acknowledged by the exterior world and others! (it also helps that I am in a
country that does not worship youth, like the states. )
Men don't harrass me anymore, women don't feel threatened. I can just relax and be myself.
I still get angry when people make comments about me being pretty. I recently had a big debate with my husband and his mom about that. There are
little sayings others like to get (like being called a "Miss" in french- as in a beauty pagent winner) that make me blow a fuse when they are used
towards me. It seems few people understand how a person can be bothered by having their worth as a human determined by their appearence.
I will agree that the reflection of others around you influences your own self confidence, no doubt.
But insist that if what they reflect back is not what YOU value personally, than that will not give you confidence.
edit on 21-7-2013 by Bluesma because: (no reason given)