Originally posted by Itisnowagain
I didn't fit in as a child in the family unit and it made me try to fit with people to connect to people because I had a very isolating childhood.
The trying to fit in with others is what develops - fitting into an toxic family makes one have to play the game - one is shaped to fit. That shape
does not fit anywhere else but in that family. That family is not what surrounds me now.
That shape that formed was not my true shape. A shape will not fit. Each individual has a certain shape or form that they hold together - it makes
then not fit everywhere they go.
Being shapeless allows one to flow with all that is, any expression can happen - there is nothing fixed..
Have you ever seen the film 'The Golden Compass'? It just came to mind
I have tried to watch that movie many times and once I got bored and drifted of to do other things, other times I fell asleep. I guess I never got as
far as the good parts (because I have heard many say it is good).
If I understand you correctly, I would want to point out that many people form themselves into a identity that does not "fit in" anywhere, with
anyone- on purpose. They like to be "different", or the black sheep in the crowd, and are the kind of people who will repeat mantras such as "I
would rather be hated for what i am, than loved for what I am not!"
They assume that there is some sort of "true" shape to their identity, that transcends this world. I don't feel real confident in that idea.
There are other people who do the opposite- they are chameleons. My genetic father is like that- he becomes different in front of each person. His
opinions, ideals, intents and preferences change according to those in front of him. It is not fake either! He is completely in the moment- with no
one around he is without identity and loses all track of time (and his phone, his keys, his hat, come to think of it
) He is an excellent
I have observed these different choices of being and their benefits and problems, and decided I would like to do something in between- have a stable
character with some base framework of morals, ethics, and ideas, that remains the same always, so that others can recognize it from one moment to
This aids them to feel comfortable with me- there is a predictability to my responses that allows them a bit of control over their experience with
me. Whether they consider it a "good" or "bad" character is not important. What helps them is knowing what they are going to get with me.
This finally made sense to me when working with training horses and dogs- I realized that as long as you are consistant in your way of being, they
will feel safe with you. They can learn and know your "system" and navigate their way within it- this gives them some individual power over their
own experience. I found people are the same; it is in our physical programming.
Of course it also has that stability benefit for me- a point of perception I can return to, even after traveling into the eyes of others, that mental
container for consciousness always brings it back eventually.
But some flexibility and ability to relate to others I also like to experience and find it has many benefits, as we have discussed here- not only
pragmatically for relational exchange, but for me to discover unknown and novelty.