Does everyone have to go through this phase?...

Originally posted by kaylaluv

Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by Gazrok

 

I was comparing myself to a 14 year old almost disgusted at myself, I am not 14 in reality.

I am 21 and that's why I was so taken aback that I was carrying on like this because it didn't seem befitting of my age at all. That's why I was asking around to see if it's just a normal stage in most relationships for everyone or if I'm the odd one out. I've been in relationships before but never felt this way before now so it's just all new.

It's funny how at 21 you think you are too "old" to act this way.

You're a baby! Yes, you will act like this at any age during the new part of a serious relationship. I met my husband when I was in my mid-30's, and I felt that way when we were dating. We've been together over 15 years, and that pining feeling at separation does go away. My hubs is on a 7-day wilderness hiking trip in the mountains right now. I love him to death, but I'm kind of enjoying my alone time right now.

Lol, nothing wrong with that at all. And yeah, I know this feeling will go away after a while so maybe I should enjoy it and relish in it. Just the feeling that I care so much about another human being and he cares enough about me to want to devote his free time with me and call upon me just to talk. And I also love that whenever he was out with "the guys" last weekend he was texting me which means he thinks about me when I'm gone which is a good thing too.

Originally posted by Myomistress
Lol, nothing wrong with that at all. And yeah, I know this feeling will go away after a while so maybe I should enjoy it and relish in it. Just the feeling that I care so much about another human being and he cares enough about me to want to devote his free time with me and call upon me just to talk. And I also love that whenever he was out with "the guys" last weekend he was texting me which means he thinks about me when I'm gone which is a good thing too.

Oh, sure - you should absolutely enjoy it. Especially since it seems like it's mutual. Texting wasn't around when I was dating, but I remember my husband calling me and we would talk for hours. Good times....

reply to post by Myomistress


It's not just you that does this - my GF also does this, sometimes to the point of driving me crazy. Seeing as we're polar opposites personality-wise, it's been a learning experience for both of us. What you're doing right now is completely normal, at least from what I've experienced in the past. (To make you feel better, my GF is a year older than you, and still does what you're doing).

Speaking from the other side of the coin, my advice to you is try to enjoy the alone time while you can; go out with friends, take a long shower or do an activity you enjoy. True, he won't be with you while you're doing these activities, but being around other people will soften the hurt of not being around him. Eventually, you're going to find the time to yourself to be pretty precious.

-fossilera

Originally posted by fossilera
reply to post by Myomistress

 

It's not just you that does this - my GF also does this, sometimes to the point of driving me crazy. Seeing as we're polar opposites personality-wise, it's been a learning experience for both of us. What you're doing right now is completely normal, at least from what I've experienced in the past. (To make you feel better, my GF is a year older than you, and still does what you're doing).

Speaking from the other side of the coin, my advice to you is try to enjoy the alone time while you can; go out with friends, take a long shower or do an activity you enjoy. True, he won't be with you while you're doing these activities, but being around other people will soften the hurt of not being around him. Eventually, you're going to find the time to yourself to be pretty precious.

-fossilera

I'm trying to not put him through what you're going through though, lol. I'm pretty much keeping how much I miss him from him so that he doesn't feel suffocated and held down as I don't want him to feel that way, I want him to be happy. And I know, at some point if we get even closer maybe even get married someday (I know, unrealistic XD ) then I will definitely be enjoying alone time then.

Just a take from a guy though since you posted on your side of this: Do you ever feel that way about her? Are there times you'd rather be with her? I know that my boyfriend calls me about every day if he doesn't see me and the texting me when he was with the guys thing too saying I was his favorite person.

reply to post by Myomistress


Yes, those needs are strong aren't they? I'm sure it's why so many people cheat...those uncontrollable urges that MUST be satisfied.

Don't let it get to you too much and good luck.

According to this post I to have many problem in love because i had also love with some one but she didn't have any attention towards me and i am too much intention from many days don't know what to do and how to talk with her. I always saw her on online but she did not text me any more but also i text her but she didn't talk with me any more so i am in really in tension to manage her in my life.

reply to post by aniltamang777


I'm sorry, but it sounds like she's not interested anymore if she ever was. Some people find it easier to play the causing a wide gap game over the being honest and telling their feelings game. So the truth is, she might just be distancing herself away from you hoping that you get what she's going at or to perhaps fade your own feelings. She's just too afraid to come and tell you that she doesn't want to see you anymore in that way.

All just opinion of course, your mileage may vary.

I was comparing myself to a 14 year old almost disgusted at myself, I am not 14 in reality. I am 21 and that's why I was so taken aback that I was carrying on like this

Nah, known plenty of women in their 20's to act in a similar way too. Now, if you were in your 30's, THEN there'd be cause for concern, hehe....

Originally posted by Myomistress

I'm trying to not put him through what you're going through though, lol. I'm pretty much keeping how much I miss him from him so that he doesn't feel suffocated and held down as I don't want him to feel that way, I want him to be happy. And I know, at some point if we get even closer maybe even get married someday (I know, unrealistic XD ) then I will definitely be enjoying alone time then.

Just a take from a guy though since you posted on your side of this: Do you ever feel that way about her? Are there times you'd rather be with her? I know that my boyfriend calls me about every day if he doesn't see me and the texting me when he was with the guys thing too saying I was his favorite person.

If there's one thing I learned while in-transition from a loner to a "taken man", it's that with me, the want comes with an ebb & flow (I'm still very much used to doing everything on my own, and suddenly having someone else in my life can be a little overwhelming in some cases). There are days where I want nothing more than to be around her, because no matter how rude the clients were at work, I know that she can do something to put a sparkle back in me - there are days where I just want to sit and watch the time fly with her alone.

On the flip side, there are also days where I'm not very "emotional" (as in, I just want to be with myself, and go out to places where I know she can't come with me). For example, she hates hiking in the summer, when every bug is a menace to her - Some days we take "time away" from each other - She goes shopping, I go hiking. Don't get me wrong - when I'm away, I'm not going out & flirting with others; I'm still with her.

When it comes to marriage, I hesitate, as I've seen the pros & cons to marriage (Personally, as I'm Agnostic, I don't believe you need to be married to show your love or to live together). In my case, I'm taking my time to make sure I can actually live with her that long (I'm kidding, mostly).

One thing that may also help is:
Imagine your BF is a dog on a leash - some days, he'll stick by you as the loyal companion while you take him for a walk, and other days, he may pull you along to sniff a special tree, or pull you back to roll around on the grass. He may even drag the leash out of your hands - The important thing is: You need to trust that no-matter how far he goes, he will always come back to you.

-Fossilera

NOTE: My GF likes to joke about that example, because after I brought it up, I found that the easiest way to get her to agree with me was to put on the "adorable puppy look"

That actually helped a lot, Fossil. It was very well thought out and I enjoyed the dog analogy. At first, I was upset that he didn't call today or even try to touch base but that kind of put me to mind that I have some days too where I just wish everyone would leave me alone, even him, because I want to be with me. I mean, I still hope he calls today, but I'm not going to pit everything on it or get shattered if he doesn't as he is busy with life and has a lot of things going on right now. I should trust that he's interested still and that things will be alright since he knew his life was going to be busy and he still invited me into his life anyway.