What are some good ice-breakers in talking with strangers???

I find that I tend to be really shy or introverted. When I'm in public I don't talk to anyone. Or don't really go out of my way to. I don't understand it. I think half the time I don't know what to say. Funny thing is I can hold a conversation just fine. I have no problem with that. It's just getting it going, breaking the ice, and keeping it going for a bit, and or getting the other person warmed up. Like I find if someone initiates conversation with me that's easy, to run with. But I find I'm not so good at icebreakers, and just engaging others in striking up conversations. Like for example I'm on a vacation, my friend took off, so now I'm alone and when I'm out in public I want to talk to strangers and maybe meet some people, even if it's just for some small talk but, I find I revert back to my shyness, or introverted ways. I kinda wanna break out of that.

How can I go about breaking the ice more with strangers?

Sometimes the best icebreaker is a good ol' fashioned smile. Not the rapey kind though otherwise you're not going to get anywhere. Music is always a good one, if you see someone with band merchandise from an artist you like then that can spark conversation.

There's always fashion as well. I've gotten talking to people before because I compliment them on their shoes or jeans or whatever.

Talking about the weather is a bit hit and miss really..

I know just how you feel OP, It's awkward as hell.

The one thing i will recommend is never talk about the weather, because the conversation won't go very far. You say "nice weather", they say "yeah" and that's as far as it goes.

Most of the time i find an inanimate object and focus on that for a topic eg 'nice house' or 'nice car' or 'cool music' and pretty much ad lib from there. As long as there is a focal point there's something to start from.

I would offer more help, but I'm in the same boat as you. Good luck.

I have the same problem, I'm terrible at small talk. The reason why is I find it hard to be fake, and small talk is just fake rubbish. You pretend to be interested in or care about something you don't give a crap about, just so you can get a conversation going and get onto an interesting topic.

People who are really good at socializing and making small talk have learnt to be fake as hell, which isn't neccesarily a bad thing. This is why I find it better to go somewhere you know the people you're talking to really have the same interests as you, and you can cut out the small talk.

I'd like to be able to walk up to people and say "Wow, wasn't that football match last night amazing?", rather than "Hi, nice weather today, I like your shoes where did you get them?" when really I don't give a crap that it's mildly sunny and where you bought your completely average looking shoes.

I'm the worst at nightclubs and such because you can't really hear the person you're talking to well, so conversation has to be very simple, shallow and mostly pointless, and then again, you have to be fake and good at small talk.

Just be honest. Whatever comes off the top of your head just say it.

To engage someone in conversation ask their opinion. Most people love to
tell you their opinion on anything.

Look at this forum...at any forum---you just engaged me by asking my opinion....
...and I didn't even realize it until now....see how easy that was?.

Don't be afraid to ask interesting questions. One question on this forum awhile back
was "If you knew you were going to die and could have anything....what would be your last meal?

Remember, people love to talk about themselves...even those tough guy silent-types

Find something in common. Converse about it. Conversation will go from there.

I know, what in common with a stranger, right? But, why are you both in the same place right now. See? THAT is something you have in common. Or, you could overhear something that may allow a jump in.

Example. My wife and I were at the opening of the Harry Potter part of the Islands of Adventure park in Orlando a while back. The line was INSANE... So, I scouted for a better opportunity (my wife knows me, so she knew I'd come up with SOMETHING)...

I came across a group of fellow nerds talking about the show LOST. I joined in the conversation. Inside of 10 minutes, it was like I'd been with them all along. Called my wife, had her join us. That little impromptu conversation and ice-breaking saved us 4 HOURS in line.

reply to post by spartacus699


I have the same problem. I usually just smile but even then I make an awkward smile, and I'm never sure if my interlocutor correctly interpreted it. Icebreaking IS the hardest part. It's like as if one needs a kickstart t make the machine go on... But then it's fine.

I usually just pretend there was no silence before that, and try to talk to them with most sincerity. The bad weather is a good icebreaker but I try to avoid it if I can, because it's so has-been. The icebreaker has to feel natural. So I try to find something to critic, or remark, or ask.

reply to post by spartacus699
Start with "Hi! How are you doing today?" then ask what the person thinks about something currently happening in the news or some sort of local goings on, or something particular to wherever you both happen to be. I talk to people anywhere I go. It may not show on the boards as much as it does in person but I am what my granny always called "Blessed with the gift of gab"!

reply to post by swanne


Good point...something to ask. A question is always a good ice-breaker.

Erm...

I usually just ignore people I don't know, epsecially if it seems like I just don't want to know them. I have never felt like I should go out of my way to make small talk. I have a very specific type of person I make friends with, nerds, geeks, whatever you call us. So it has never really been hard for me to make friends. Just find the folks talking about Star Wars, Dungeons & Dragons, comic books, pokemon, Magic the Gathering and any other number of nerdesque type things and go and make conversation. Usually we (nerds) tend to congregate in comic shops and the like so I know where to find them. Anyone else I usually just meet through other friends.

Or you could just say, "So, how about that local sports team, eh?"

ask them if the would like to hear a joke. and then you better pull out a good one.

bad joke no follow up. good joke now ya got new freinds.

lets just say....


a couple years ago my girlfreind and I went to vegas for a week.

after a few days she decided to go shopping while I stayed at the hotel and played slots.

then this really F' ing hot chick starts playing the machine next to me.

and I say whats its gonna take for you to go up stairs with me for a little bit?

she says Iam working here and I dont go upstairs for less than $200

I say $200 ? Iam not a rich dude how about $50?

She says no way I dont go upstairs with anyone for less than 200

So we go our seperate ways

later on that evening I meet up with my girl and we are headed back to the room.

and dosent that same hooker walk out of a room 3 doors down from mine.

she looks at me and looks at my girl and then says ..........see what fifty bucks willl get ya?

instant freinds ... unless of course you wanted to make freinds with a woman. LOL

reply to post by spartacus699


Loan me ten bucks and you'll never be able to say," I'm totally broke".

reply to post by spartacus699


Well to follow up on your vacation scenario, you could ask someone to show you points of interest on a map you happen to have on you, or simply ask about the town and things that interest you, such as "Is there a **insert favorite hobby here** club in town?" or get people to talk about themselves and their bucket list for instance.

reply to post by spartacus699



you should totally start out by asking them who they voted for, and how many sex partners they have had.

I suck at levity. So i typically am a particpant in conversation, not a leader.

reply to post by spartacus699


Hey Spartacus,

Nice OP. S&F. I think a lot of people have the same problem you've described; I know I do!

I'm the exact same in that I have no problems holding my own in a conversation...but I constantly struggle with initiating a conversation. Once the proverbial ice has been broken, I have no problem discussing whatever topic may come up; but dang it's hard for me to initiate and break that ice!

I find that starting with a goal to have at least 1 conversation per day with a stranger is enough to help push me out of my comfort zone. That's really the key, I think. Even a tiny step forward each day is better than nothing. So set a daily goal, whatever that looks like for you at this point in time, and run with it as far as you can!

I struggle with my daily goal but I do my best and I won't give up because I'm focused on the end result: a more confident, outgoing, and personable ME. I find that after a few successful days in a row, the "momentum" I've built makes the next day much easier. However, if I miss a day it feels like I have to start over and build that momentum up all over again. So once you've got it, keep it going!

I don't think I'm violating the Ts&Cs here (you'd think I'd know this by now...) but one book that I've found to be espeically useful is:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

I'm not sure if it will help you (or me) specifically with "ice-breaking" but it definitely helps when it comes to people skills in general. It's one of my all-time favorite books and I try to re-read it at least once a year.

Anyway, great topic for your OP. I think a lot of people can find some value in it. Thanks!

I am a pretty personable guy,Im funny and very caring (hah sounds like a dating site post).

I usually have no problem striking up a conversation.Eye contact is key as well as a smile.If someone returns my smile and looks me dead in the eye,I will usually ask 'hows it going',and 90% of the time,that is all it takes.

Granted there are lots of jerks out there,but if you just be yourself and be friendly,you should have no problem introducing yourself to someone.

Heck,come to Olympia Washington,Ill show you how its done!

reply to post by spartacus699


First off, and I want to tell the world this: READ THE PERSON'S BODY LANGUAGE!

Body language will tell you if that person: A. Wants to Talk. and B. Wants to listen. Body language will also tell you when someone DOESN'T want to talk or listen.

Once you've figured this out and you find Miss Gabbypants, all you have to do is show your concern for something you read in the news. OMG! Did you hear about the train crash? Those poor people! They should slow trains down, don't you think?

Nothing breaks the ice like getting a strangers opinion on a rash.

Start off with a compliment, something like:

Wow you are much better looking in person, binoculars don't do you justice.

That should get the conversation rolling

I never ask a question that will come back with a response such as yes, no or i don't know, normally i just say :

Whats yours? Mines a whisky with no ice. (Don't need ice to break the ice...)

When i was single and ladies were involved, i used to ask... "would you like an orgasm?"

Orgasm = Baileys and one shot of Cognac on a bed of crushed ice... There are double and triple orgasms too!

Kindest respects

Rodinus