posted on Jul, 7 2013 @ 04:30 PM
Sorry to hear about this struggle. I know you care deeply about this woman, but here's my observations (for what that's worth).
Granted, I do not know the lady in question and can only characterize her based on your description. However, it seems to me that she's got a lot
going on....self esteem issues come to mind. The fact that she continues to see her abusive partner indicates, to me at least, that she's in an
unhealthy mental state. Maybe she's just scared of losing his support, a father for her children, whatever.
The simple fact is, you cannot change her...she must change herself. You can support her, be her friend, encourage her....but in the end, it's up to
her to get this guy out of her life. Now she may never get to the point where she's willing and able to leave him....which means you'll always be
left out. Do you really want to spend your life waiting on her to figure things out?
Also...and this is going to hurt you....but right now she's using you as a security blanket. She knows you'll always be there for her, ready to bail
her out when she needs it. That's not fair to you or to her. You deserve someone who will love you for you, and not someone who's "falling back"
You need to make a decision here, and stick to it. Either be her friend and give up in the romance, or explain to her that you're only interested in
a romance. Either way, don't let her come to you and cry on your shoulder....it's not helping her and its not helping you. Give her an
ultimatum...let her know that you're serious about a relationship, but only if she's serious about being with you. That sounds very harsh, I know.
It may take her a while to move past her current issues...drawing this line in the sand may very well be the impetus she needs to reclaim her life.
This is hard advice, and I'm sorry because I know it's going to hurt you tremendously to do this. But that's how life is sometimes...difficult
choices with difficult answers.
Hugs to you, and keep us informed.