Originally posted by ccseagull
reply to post by LoneCloudHopper2
Dear LoneCloudhopper - you don't always have to be strong. Certainly not for others. It's not your job to make other people's lives easier. You can be there for them but you cannot make their lives better. I used to be that way and it just about destroyed me. I can offer suggestions or even better just lend a listening ear and love them unconditionally but in the end it's their choice. I leave it at that and go on with my life.
Life keeps coming at us, sometimes like a giant tidal wave. Choose which battles you wish to fight. Does the laundry need doing this exact moment? Do you need to go to that social outing or would having some quiet recharging time be more valuable? Sleep when you are tired. Nothing wrong with having a good nap.
Don't take too much on all at once. Do the things that absolutely need doing: go to work, eat, fill the car up with gas before you're stranded. But if everything else can wait then that's okay.
Treat yourself. A hot bath where you can just sit and it's just you. No distractions, noone wanting your attention, not worrying about the mess in your living room. Add some good smelling stuff. Sounds hokey but water is very therapeutic to the mind and body.
You're a writer - this means you are creative. Get some paints, muck around. Build bird houses. Make a new dish.
Look after your health, get good sleep, start looking for a new and healthier job. Don't be 55 years old and thinking, "I had the chance to get out of here and never acted, now I am stuck forever." Nothing kills the spirit more than knowing you have to go into a job, that you hate, every day and have no options.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Allow yourself to make mistakes, realize you're special and unique and people love you. Get a pet, even just a goldfish can do wonders.
Just throwing out ideas. And even though I don't know you I hope you know that I care about you. When that wave keeps crashing over you just relax and flow in its waters. And just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I've "been there/done that". You're going to be just fine. Hugs!!!
Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by LoneCloudHopper2
Is there a way out or a compromise that might appease this pain and mental exhaustion?
19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Any advice? What does a proud knight do when the weight of his armor wears on him and he yearns to let it all go? I am tired of the long journey with no rewards, always doing right, always being underappreciated and misunderstood, never getting anywhere. Is there a way out or a compromise that might appease this pain and mental exhaustion?
"But only man is a grave burden for himself! That is because he carries on his shoulders too much that is alien to him. Like a camel, he kneels down and lets himself be well loaded."
Everyone I know is either married or living with someone, most of them raising families. I have a girlfriend but I live alone. I am doing a job that I hate and I am a struggling author (the worst kind of career because you spend years of blood and tears with no promise of publication.) I do not drink or do drugs. Every artistic person that I know does both. What keeps me going?
Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by LoneCloudHopper2
You sound like a great person. Clearly the job at the moment is a necessity so i guess you need to keep in mind it is only for the check so not to stress over i call in sick if you need tot. It sounds like the best part of life is ahead for you you just have to not get to tired on the road. Maybe a change a vacation or doing something out of character would help right now?
I recommend that you use colloidal silver. My husband and I make our own now and we have taken it for about 4 years, all the illnesses that are related to virus and such that he always brought from work...gone, we have not had a sick day by taking the silver the second we feel any being twinge of illness.
Originally posted by Night Star
You know that this elf will raise her sword to fight by your side. There was a time, back in the hidden forest when I could easily bounce back no matter what came my way. Eventually, the trolls, orcs and other ugly monters of the realm kept finding me and I could barely lift my sword.
I know it can be overwhelming. I have lived the pain and suffering of disease, sorrow, struggling and loss. I have cried all the tears I had left to cry. I have been lost in the dark and lonely days and nights of depression and searched for the light and encouregement myself as you know. I think you and I after all these years have saved each others sanity a time or two havn't we? All I know is that we need each other and our family and friends and ATS family to help us see our way through. We are not alone ever.
Take one day at a time, lose yourself in a great book or movie, stop for a while and don't analyze every little thing. Just be. You are still young enough, have talent, intelligence, wisdom and much potential to turn things around. I know this because I know you.
Ask and ye shall receive. My advice. Give up! Yup giving up works wonders, you should totally try it.
Its funny how some things work out, most of the things we believe or keep to if actually done in reality have a way of manifesting in totally different and sometimes completely opposite routes.
Life works in mysterious ways my friend, one day you just may figure that out
Your carrying a lot of foreign and alien things. Things such as Ideas, Ideals, believes, thoughts, conditioning's, all these things are alien things, and ultimately not even yours but have been placed upon you, your burdens to carry. And if you make that your journey, well its going to be a sucky journey. Believe me I know, I have carried much and and more, some things you would not believe even I told you. Some of them I have carried from lifetime to lifetime. To me your practically a mewling, snot nosed half retarded child, who's whining crying and bitching about carrying his backpack to school. The most important thing here is to do what I say. And what I say is, you should totally contemplate on giving up, before you carry on.
Originally posted by mysterioustranger
"Be the change you wish to see" (in this world) You can change any or all parts of your situation.
And being admittedly a strong person...Im sure you can. To start to think about what you want to be different and change in your lifestyle....I think would make you excited to realize that change can be right around the corner for you! You can change it all...or just small parts!
And remember this: A journey of 1,000 miles...begins with the 1st step. So, pack your bags...the world is at your doorstep.
Originally posted by LoneCloudHopper2
reply to post by Serdgiam
Huh. I reached those decisions when I was about 10 years old. I always felt an inner desire to make a positive difference in the world around me. It seems inherent, but I wonder if it's how everyone feels deep down inside. Who wouldn't want to be a hero at heart? It's just hard to always try to stand for what's right in reality because people will criticize you, defend their wrongdoings, run you down, attack or even kill you for it. This world is quite ill and many people are profiting off this illness (lies, deception, greed, etc.) It's a "game" and you're supposed to be a "player." I always refused. It goes against who I am and what I believe. I've met a number of people online who are the same way and one thing we all share: bouts of depression lol
Going back to some of what I posted initially, what are you doing to not just be the change you wish to see, but actively pursue it? It is both a goal and a journey, in my mind.
Originally posted by idontknow5
You are creative, me too. Unfortunately we can imagine lots of horrible things in great detail unlike non creative people, I've heard it is with this trait the majority of people suffer. But on the upside we are also more in touch with peoples feelings and can put ourselves in other peoples shoes and we can also imagine lots of fantastic things too you just have to re train your mind every time you start to think those unhelpful intrusive thoughts, I just used to tell myself out loud to shut the hell up! then I would laugh because I was talking to myself and im babbling.
Hopefully reading all these lovely posts of random people trying to help someone they don't even know makes you smile and you can come back and read them everytime you feel low.
Don't fight it to much though its only when I accepted my sadness that I started to get over it.
P.s have a banana. Happy fruit ;-)
edit on 1-7-2013 by idontknow5 because: stupid spelling
Originally posted by Galadriel
Dear Cloudhopper (maybe drop the Lone?),
As some have said, it's time to drop the idea that you must wear your self imposed armor. You can be noble, be a "knight" and be honorable and true, defender of the weak and downtrodden, be bold and of a brave heart, to wander to parts unknown, to explore and walk through fear--be all of this--but do it willingly and joyfully. Don't be a martyr or victim of your "image" of how you need to be.
Fatigue breeds negativity. I know when my asthma acts up after catching a cold or flu, or aggravated by some allergens, it makes me so fatigued, tired, weak, and I start to forget what life was like before the asthma episode. Would suggest reading through the many threads about healthy alternative choices to stay well. Drink lots of water (good for asthma). Eat right and exercise, get good sleep, make time to meditate, write, plan, dream, and connect with good people.
I too am a creative soul, and a writer who hasn't been published (yet!). I feel your "stuckness" - but a writer writes, regardless. And don't write about being a knight in heavy armor, write so your truth comes through.
I am a fan of the LOTR -- not a crazy fan, but they are my favorite films because it is my favorite story. There is always hope. And, nothing gets accomplished without friendships and teamwork. You never have to be the lone knight. That's just an archetype or role you've adopted. You can shed that "persona" anytime you choose. Doesn't mean you don't listen to and help others, but inside, you know the universe is a friendly, supportive place and you have a reason for being here and a right to be here, and you don't have to fight for your basic freedoms. But we have an obligation to fight on behalf of others who cannot defend themselves.
It's okay to be sad, tired, scared - whatever. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be vulnerable. But know that you are powerful too. That power comes from being your true self.
First, get well. Then, take a weekend or some vacation time, and even if you can't afford to get away, take some excursions to lakes, rivers, woods, mountains, gardens--whatever is close by and inexpensive/free. Take walks, sit, write, dream, do walking meditation....with the intention of remembering what you came here to do, what is your magnificent obsession and purpose. What did you come here to be, do, create? What will be your legacy? Don't measure it in terms of worldly goods. Measure it in terms of nobleness.
Just my two cents. Best to you.