Hope you're all well.
Just felt like writing about a discipline i have applied to my life through years of intense challenges with others that has really helped me and i
which i strongly believe would help each and everyone of us, yes even us much opinionated folk here on ATS!
In my younger years.. (I'm 37 now) I used to struggle with containing the emotions elicited in me by the actions and words of others.
I never really knew how to deal with these (button pushing) people. People that would try to get a reaction from you, usually by premeditating a
situation and setting the scene and lead up to their execution.
I was one of those dreamer type kids who never really learned social skills and was usually a social hopper, just going about my business usually with
too much innocence.
I never intended to hurt others although during my life i have intentionally done things i now look back on and shake my head at!
Anyways that being done and said i want to bestow upon you a tool you can keep in your handbag and one which will hopefully help you leaps and bounds
in your everyday life with others who push your buttons in a negative way and also a playful one.
I see it so many times on ATS where people will reply to a post from another member and try to flame their posts or push a really negative connotation
on someones opinion which is normally paramount to their belief.
Of course you feel challenged, uncomfortable, resentful, angry and see red mist.
What happens here is you normally react emotionally. Your buttons have been pushed.. you feel the fire and in turn try to burn your antagonist.
The problem here is that your antagonist is probably laughing at you.. thinking to him/herself that you fell right into their trap.
Here's how to overcome the situation and leave them feeling rather silly or empty about their attempts to get you to react.
Simply put you don't react.. or react in a very minimal and controlled way.
Easier said than done and it requires practice!
The next time you find yourself in such a situation swallow whole everything they have to dish out. You do this mentally and it requires patience. But
in the end you know in your heart it will be worth it because you have already manifested your outcome!
You wait.. digest mentally whatever comes your way..
Now you have two options.. you can A) Either not react, perhaps just smile and nod.. making them look rather silly. If they come back at you from your
lack of reaction by saying something along the lines of "what cat got your tongue?" Or "can you not talk and stand up for yourself" once again
just smile and nod and get on with what you have planned.
It really is that simple..
Here's what i do..
Option B) I digest, mentalize (Think about what their saying) and actually really try to help them..
I lay out to them what they have proposed and give them a more universal option which is helpful to both them and I.
This second option does require an ability to be compassionate. To really want to help others and is more a life style mentality i choose to adopt.
Well that's it folks.. try it out the next time someone try's pushing your button.. and if in doubt you can always smile and nod