I've thought all night about this thread. At first I went away with a heavy sigh thinking - "there is really no way to communicate through these
perceptions, is there?" The 'perceptions' being that of 'who is the greater victim - men or women.' What I see, through my limited eyes, is pain.
Men hurt. Women hurt. People who are hurt are reacting to that in less than perfect ways - that is what I see.
In my life, I've experienced plenty of put-downs and outright sexism towards myself as a female. I know how that feels. I have those wounds. I know
the disempowerment that can happen, at work, at school, on dates, when buying a car, in relationships - yes, I have overtly seen it and it is still
part of our culture. It still exists today. When I hear your thoughts on misandry, I wonder if you see that misogyny is still alive and well?
Does that give me a right to turn it around and do the reverse? No. That does nothing for me or anyone else except create a society of backlash
against backlash ad infinitum, with neither side ever feeling heard, understood or experiencing healing.
I would say that women are in a time of struggle with this issue. There is a rebellion against the images we have been taught we need to live up to -
airbrushed superwomen who never grow old, who are never not beautiful, who are both capable of full time work and raising perfect families with
well-adjusted and empowered children, who bounce back immediately after pregnancy with no scars or bodily changes to show for it...blah...blah...blah.
When I was growing up, it was all about attraction = women's power. That was what I learned. That was really all we had, or so we were taught. So
now women are struggling to be fully empowered beings without trying to live up to impossible standards, sometimes creating more impossible standards
for themselves and men in the process. (i.e. "We can do it all on our own! We don't need men!" "Men need to turn over all the power to us!")
I went to the Jezebel site you mentioned. I invite you to consider that Jezebel may not be the best place to talk to women about misandry. The women
there are processing their anger - you are simply making a target out of yourself. I'm not saying it's right, but an analogy would be an extreme
liberal or extreme conservative going into the chat room of their political opposite - they are not going to be welcomed with open arms. And I'm
guessing I would have just as much luck trying to get men in a locker-room to not call each other a certain identifying female body-part whenever they
weren't performing their best in sports?? Why is that a put-down with men in our culture?
As our culture goes through the right v. left, liberal v. conservative, religious v. secular polarizations which have so stalemated our ability to
move in any real and substantive direction, so do men and women have their polarizations. There are many in the middle, working for equality of the
sexes - fully acknowledging that it is a real thing, fully empowering both men and women and simply creating something better than the arm-wrestling
of "who is Right and who is Wrong."
Are we better off clinging to misandry and misogyny and the wounds we feel from them? If not - why carry them with us? I'm not saying they don't
exist - I know they do - but do we need to hold on to them and make them part of who we are?
My advice, given with all my heart, is to look to the creation of that "something better" - to not get caught up in the battle but consciously extract
yourself from it, rise above it and perceive all the good work being done by men and women of good heart and conscience to create a new world of
mutual respect, understanding and care. Why give your time to stupid sit-coms (I don't!) that portray life in ways that hurt? Why focus on what you
see as wounds coming from anonymous women on forum boards? - you can't change them or their pain in that moment - instead I would invite you to try to
work towards perceiving the good, the balanced, the life-affirming and harmonizing forces that DO actually exist in the world. This is the advice I
give myself, as well ;-) and what I hope to live up to. I am the mother of two boys - I want this world for them.
I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to build something better while letting other people be where they are at. How can we do that? How can we
let go of perceived wounds and simply create what we want to be in the world? Why not start that movement and see who joins you? I believe that is
the way out of the pain. That is the way better laws are created for both men and women. That is the way to better relationships, less divorce,
happier families. That is the way out of the crazy for all of us.
most sincere peace to you, Tenth,
edit on 27-6-2013 by AboveBoard because: darn extra word.... all better now!