reply to post by natalia
Its so strange sometimes, I live life daily, trying to struggle and get by...and then something as little as a experience...brings someone to tears or
memories, touches someone in some way, and time seems to stop, even if its just for a moment.
There are things that are important here that are overlooked, and feelings is one of those 'things'.
Our emotions have their own body of empowerment and I have witnessed this many times over. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings, we have habits
of covering what is raw and rare. Sometimes its in those moments that a mind changes, that a thought is understood, that a person feels a connection
with all that makes them feel so unconnected.
If there is anything I do believe in now...it is that there are no happenstance. Everything happens for a reason, be it personal or personal to
someone else and it still then effects us. I believe that anyone here can feel her if they reach for her, same as Jesus, same as any humble soul who
has passed. If we seek with a humble heart, they are there, those to comfort us, help us see. Its a beautiful mysterious thing, life, experience,
Im sorry for your loss too...I never really knew what it was like to loose someone so close to me...and now I can only describe it as a part of me is
gone, never to be reclaimed. A part of me is wrapped up in her memories, her being, her light. Everything that has occurred after her passing...is
different. Its like there is a record keeper and now my records are being kept in a different new file. Its so hard to describe. But the file that had
'our' memories and experiences and moments....its not closed..it start another file, in another cabinet, all in its own right.
I really do feel her. Its not just as I wish. She will move through me. A cold feeling, but sobering. Usually when confused, when down...maybe try to
be a little aware when all those negative feelings close in on you...Im sure of it, your mother is close by.
My best to you and thank you so for taking the time to read and get to know 'grandma'. She was such a blessing to those that crossed paths with her.
She would give her last plate of food to company that was unexpected. She would offer help to those in need when her own life was waiting the simple
things we all took for granted. She just had this way about her...many called her mom, many called her grandma.
But I know what you are saying just the same. I try my best to put on this 'ok' face. But depression seems to want to be my best friend. Its hard to
fight the feelings that pull us down. Ive been in some very dark moments since her passing. Im hoping it will fade soon enough and just trying to take
the sadness in stride but I will confess....it is really hard sometimes. My world has changed so literally, my emotional body feels wounded. I take
things day by day, sometimes minute by minute. I felt a surge of positive energy today when I started looking at her posts and our videos...so maybe
that is the direction that will help me heal, I dont know.
Thanks for sharing....mothers life always seemed to touch someone, somehow, I hope my sharing does the same, somehow, someway.