posted on Jun, 5 2013 @ 07:41 AM
I have been sitting on the categories page for a good 5 minutes drawing a mental blank on a forum to choose. So i chose general. You help decide.
Okay, so towards the end of last year, i found out who my true friends were, or who my friends weren't - rather. The reason i say that is because
it's left me with none. I haven't found "true friends" so to speak - instead, i found out that i shouldn't be accepting certain things in my
Without going into the details of what happened, i will tell you my solution. I removed all of them from my life except for one. It was a quick
decision brought on by "built up anger" that one day brought itself outside to play with the rest of us.
Since then, i've spent the last 6-7 months in a strange situation.
To describe my social life, it started off with friends in year 1, but then became this endurance test of taking people's # throughout school and
high school. I made friends in late high school (one of them being my "good mate"). However, my personality has always been introverted. I've never
really gone out of my way to make friends, and have never really had a female in my life as i guess i've never really tried to make the effort in
finding someone and maintaining it.
Anyway, in the last 6 to 7 months, i have spent it alone. Even my one and only friend left after removing all the others, i don't make the effort to
see because he is draining and i get bored after a sentence with him, despite him being a mate for the last 9ish years...
I have my own hobbies like riding my bike, running in events, etc, but it seems that after this removal of friends, it's felt kind of weird - as if i
haven't been in this situation before, even though my school life was spent like this. I can't help but think about it. I mean, i know i had to
remove them from my life otherwise it could have been worse, but i don't know what i should be doing now. I'm very lost. I guess that's an easy way
to put it.
I don't know where to find friends as i've never had to "find them". I get tired extremely easily as my work is draining physically and mentally.
I often feel like a robot when i'm not working or sleeping. I feel like i'm not really around. I remember seeing a girl once or twice - but here's
the strange part, i remember it from someone else's eyes. It didn't feel like something that happened in my life. Nothing does anymore. I'm stuck
in this third person view of my life if that makes much sense.
I know i had a childhood and i see photos of myself that bring memories, but everything these days seems extremely distant from that, like i'm
mentally in a different place. I have some days where i feel like there's something to look forward to, yet a few seconds later, the feeling will
disappear, and i will realise it was my imagination running wild, and that there actually is nothing ahead.
Anyway, i don't know what i should think, and was just going to put it out there to see if any ats'ers think they know what's up and/or have had
I could probably go to sleep or do something to forget about it, but it will probably come back tomorrow evening after work, as it has done for the
past few years.