Fairytale

Yes, I thought as the song played so vivid and clear I could have mistaken it for my own thoughts.

But, hell... they were my thoughts.

I am, in every sense, in love with a fairy tale.

My fiance played through my mind as I typed rapidly upon the keyboard, and my heart seemed to thump, my expression softening, a gentle, static-like sensation spreading through me like a lukewarm fire.

Why am I doing this? I began to ponder, just before checking the video on the other tab. The lecture wasn't over just yet. Ugh...

Those stupid little videos. Here I am, trying to graduate literally the day before summer vacation, and busting my ass to beat the clock... but you can't skip through the little videos, you just have to mute them and wait for them to end.

So, on impulse, I start documenting my thoughts as they occur on a website I've come to adore, my fingers jabbing and pecking faster than they ever had before. This day marks the first time I've ever chugged two cups of coffee AND consumed some caffeinated painkillers all at once. But after the long, halfway-sleepless night I've had, I needed to be on the ball today. I MUST get my diploma today. No exceptions.

Do I particularly care about school work?

Nope.

Do I need a diploma to get ahead in life?

At the very least, I do.

And as I sit here, anxiously awaiting the lecture's end, typing up my thoughts for international conspirator friends to read out of boredom, my thoughts engulf me once again.

I am, in every imaginable sense, in love with a fairytale.

My fiance is the most wonderful human being alive. I didn't imagine anyone as pure as him could exist, and I especially didn't expect such a good person to fall for me. He'd go hungry for me, go blind for me, slit someone's throat if he had to... just to make me smile.

NOT that slitting someone's throat would make me smile.

Sorry. I'm not gonna make a bunch of sense. I'm stating my thoughts as they occur.

Not ALL of them, mind you. I don't have the space, and I'd probably get banned from ATS.

But not just my relationship.

For as long as I can remember--well into my premature and jaded childhood--I have been in love with friendship. A Pokemon-complex, if you will. Friendship conquers all, end of story. And yes, I've always aspired for friends, despite my nature. Friends, who I would protect, who would protect me, who I'd vow never to betray, and love would pull us through anything... and that was that.

But as I progressed, things bent, corrupted, and jaded. Friendship became complicated, and only because my loved ones--friends I've come to love now--embrace wrongness. Call one another names for no reason. Hurt one another, Betray one another. And they think nothing of it.

These friends, who I love more than life, don't hesitate to throw themselves away on anger, hate, sin, lust, etc.

It saddens me.

That fairytale of friendship has become a horror flick of sin and mistrust.

But here I am, pushing through. Because my friends are good, and they deserve to be saved, even if they wouldn't save me.

Besides, I'll be moving back to Texas soon enough. I don't have time to end on bad terms.

My friendship fairytale will flourish, because I will not fall under sin. I will not give in. I will not betray them. I will not intentionally harm them. I will not let them go.

Its true, one can't be saved without the will to save themselves.

But one cannot have will absent of inspiration.

And what better way to lead than by example?

I know it will work, because I've done it before. I've done something amazing, and inspired my friends. No, I'm not a saint, but leading by example is the ONLY way one can lead, end of story.

And, its the only way you can hope to save anyone.

Every fairytale needs a hero.

I want to be a hero. But not because I want to be one.

Because one is needed.

Not only that, but my friendship fairytale doesn't end the fairytale.

I am in love with revolution.

Saving lives by opening eyes. Protesting, prepping, and taking part in my generation's formation of modern history. Bilderberg protests. And, weather some of you haters like it or not, advocating Alex Jones.

I've tried finding evidence that he's a disinfo agent, and haven't found any.

Theories, name calling, yes.

Real evidence? None.

So, here I am, fired up by an addictive stimulant, inspired by the anger of a passionate alternative radio host, and daydreaming about how I will, one day, make my fantasies a reality.

I will not be responsible for the apathetic generation.

I am not one of the crowd.

Its too late to release my responsibility. I am young--a teenager--in relatively good health, and I know too many things to have any right living a relaxing life.

And nor do I want one.

My fairytale is living a life that matters.

Aspiring to make a difference, rather than walking on eggshells around my friends, dodging the he-said-she-said drama, whining, fighting, and pitching temper-tantrums.

Nope.

My problems actually do matter.

Because my problems belong to humanity.

Not myself.

With the knowledge of the world's truths, I am already cursed. I can't back out now. No silent life. No ignorance. No stupidity. No making excuses.

No more conforming to people who have said to me, and I quote; "I would be content sitting on my laptop, watching anime for the rest of my life. I don't wanna be involved with drama."

Yes, the profit of war, GMOs, poisoned water and deadly vaccines are dismissed as drama.

Never mind that they are real problems.

Well, no more.

It's true, as the song says.

I don't care if I lose my mind.

I'm already cursed.

Theres nothing like getting your thoughts out of your system. And i enjoyed reading that. I love friendship to. I cant go down the street without speaking to someone!. I seem to know everyone to. I have actually been to other countries and bumped into people i know!!....weird!!. Lately though i have been struggling a bit and isolating myself a from people i know. But thats another story!...Your only young but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, Your friends are still finding themselves to speak i would say and show immaturity. And yes, People are blinded by the mainstream news they watch. And when you tell them its a big crock, They look at you like your on something...But i don't care, I believe what i want to believe, And what i believe to be the truth. I dont follow the crowds!..Im not sure what your future plans are but im sure you have a bright one.....Just dont get your boyfriend to start slitting throats lol..That did make me giggle a bit

Originally posted by TheDoctor46
Theres nothing like getting your thoughts out of your system. And i enjoyed reading that. I love friendship to. I cant go down the street without speaking to someone!. I seem to know everyone to. I have actually been to other countries and bumped into people i know!!....weird!!. Lately though i have been struggling a bit and isolating myself a from people i know. But thats another story!...Your only young but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders, Your friends are still finding themselves to speak i would say and show immaturity. And yes, People are blinded by the mainstream news they watch. And when you tell them its a big crock, They look at you like your on something...But i don't care, I believe what i want to believe, And what i believe to be the truth. I dont follow the crowds!..Im not sure what your future plans are but im sure you have a bright one.....Just dont get your boyfriend to start slitting throats lol..That did make me giggle a bit

Right on

No throat slitting. Unless we have to.

I love being social like that, but I have kind of an irrational fear of rejection and confrontation, cause of some crappy situations I've been in. But I'm getting better at making friends. Happiness~

Thanks for reading.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

As the apostle Paul exhorted Timothy, "Don't let anyone despise your youth!" There will always be those who choose ignorance over knowledge. Let your awareness guide you through the coming years. There is a lot of information out there that must be sorted through to become knowledge. But knowledge only becomes wisdom with hard work and a courageous heart. You are choosing to start young so you will need to surround yourself with like minded people. People who are not afraid to ask the hard questions and people who can be brave enough to make paradigm shifts in pursuit of truth. You are on the eternity road, welcome fellow traveler!