Pensioner's Problem

An old age pensioner calls in to see his doctor.
�Doctor, I would like a sperm count please.�
The Doctor looks a little surprised: �Mr Spencer, you�re almost eighty-four years old. Why on earth would you want a sperm count?�
�Doctor, it�s my wife. She wants me to have a sperm count.�
The Doctor looks stunned. �Mr Spencer, Mrs Spencer is eighty-two. Are you sure she suggested you get a sperm count? Are you certain she didn't say a blood count?�
�Yes, Doc. She said I had to get a sperm count.�
The Doctor thinks for a moment, then reaches in the drawer of his desk. �Okay, Mr Spencer, whatever you say. Take this bottle home and bring me back a sample next week.�
A week later, old Mr Spencer is back with the Doctor.
�Well, Mr Spencer, and how did we get on with the sample?�
Old Spencer looks a trifle embarrassed: �Well, Doctor, I tried everything. I tried it with my left hand; I tried it with my right hand. The wife tried it with her right hand, and then with her left hand. She even tried it with her teeth. But damned if we could we get the top off this bloody bottle!�