reply to post by TheomExperience
Oh that's not even half of it. That story goes on.
So after I proceed to muck things up I somehow succeed in that attempt. Which somehow catapulted me to level 13 completely skipping level 12. I know
what your thinking, "but I thought level 10 was the last obstacle" And worse unlike I predicted there were no magical unicorns on level 13.
The transmission shall proceed as follows.
Greeting from level 13 losers.
As you can no doubt tell I have somehow taken a wrong turn, I thought it was a detour. But I was wrong OK! # happens. If you receive this message
one thing you need to know is that I ran out of Cheetos. And apparently in this dimenshion which we call level 13 there is nothing to eat, or the
concept is foreign to these people or not codded right, I cant quite put my finger on it. And its kind of like of what you heard were people lose a
limp but still have that feeling of a ghost limp being there. Well its like that, freaking hungry, yet at the same time its like the whole concept is
foreign to my stomach.
Wondering around I have not encountered anything that is eatable, I passed a few trees some miles back which looked like a cross between apple trees
and a pineapple tree with some sort of walnut like fruit which once cracked housed something that looked like a brain apple. And there is no way
I am touching that thing, it was icky looking, whatever the hell it was.
On my journey I have passed many things, this whole dam thing has been nothing like I envisioned it would be. If this is the last dam level, then its
a joke, that or maybe I got stuck in some sort of cosmic loading screen between dimensions. And unlike, I predicted, there were no magical
creatures here, in fact the whole landscape is out of some dam mid central earth century, complete with castles and moats as I will explain later.
And the only magical thing in it was a fire breathing dragon. "which is so cliche"
So anyways! After my run in with the dam walnut brain apple mushy trees, and after contemplating if I should take a bite for a good hour or so. I
took a walk, eventually leading into a hilly knob treeline in the distance. It was there I meet my good friend Harry.
I stumbled upon him playing around with a stick and a dog creature. Poor guy was literally up against a rock and a hard place. The thing was huge,
more like the size of a small pony though much more muscular, and had a square like face, with what looked like tentacles protruding out of its face
and jaw, like some sort of giant pitbull, crossed with something I can only describe as a "WTF is that thing" The offspring between the two
creatures would be this thing. I shall call it a "OMG WTF" for now, till I can come up with a better name.
A bit ashamed to say it. But I literally walked into this scene while I was scanning the sky whistling and, contemplating my stomach predicament.
It was not till I was feet away that I noticed this particular noise, stooping me short. Naturally you would think you would notice something like a
dog squid inky black creature the size of a pony in the woods, but nope, it is harder to notice such thing then the stories would have you believe.
And needless to say my animal magnetism did not seem to be working on it, generally animals like me, I have this aura that just makes them friend me,
"that and I usually have some munchies in my pocket for exactly this kind of situation" Unfortunately that! I ran all out of munchies, and
nothing short of a stake medium rare in my pocket would have soothed our dog like friend.
Needless to say the natural reaction upon coming onto such a scene was naturally to turn around and high tail it out of there. Which I would have done
if not for the fact that "OMG WTF that's definitely not a Chihuahua" was in the process of pouncing on some guy in what looked like a robe with
his back to a boulder. That! And the thing saw me also, though I confess I think it heard me whistling from miles away. And it is here that our
hero "that being me" slays this monster and rescues the distressed stranger. And even worse luck, no distressed damsels here at all, just some
sweaty guy in some torn and dirty robe waving a stick in front of him with a face full of dirt, and grime, and what looked like busted glasses on his
face, and judging by the stink, somebody #ed themselfs.
Being as I had no weapon my first inclination is to scan the area, scanning the ground for at least a rock, anything, a twig would help at this point
as I can pick all its four eyes out if it pounces on me. I do spot a brick sized rock a few paces away. Naturally I do the only logical thing, I
slowly walk and I pick up the rock, and stand there, as fleeing would likely just have it on me anyways. And like a good predator the thing turns to
me and start circling me slowly, sniffing, wondering why it is the pray is not running, its brain trying to churn up all kinds of reasons for this
most peculiar anomaly. Lets just say! I think whatever this thing is, its used to things running from it.
All kinds of thoughts start going through my head, like the whole of the discovery channel starts playing on my head in seconds, of which the only
useful tidbit I could dig up to help in this situation, is that on a show a guy survived a bear attack by doing the unthinkable. He postured up to
make himself taller and started making all kind of noises. The thing slowly inching closer! I take my chances and follow suit. I take the rock with
both hands put it in the air, and I start screaming like a madman, at one point I think I was even growling. Which! pauses the creature, and for a
moment I thought it was going to work out like on the discovery channel show were it turns around and goes away. No sooner had I that tough in my
head, then the thing straight as an arrow runs at me.
Now your asking yourself how the hell I am alive to write down all this to you? The answer is skills, that I have supper powers. Ah just joking!
I bet some you all believed that. Pffff! The superpowers part comes in latter in the story, but needless to say I survived it by pure blind luck.
As soon as it darted in I literally smashed the rock I was holding above my head, on its head, by instinct, or fear, who knows, bringing it down
on its head like a madman. I literally knocked it down in front of me, but not out, and I didn't stick around to see when it would get back up. I
hightailed it out of there and over the boulder our dirty friend was still against, and up the nearest tree I could find. The guy! Seeing the sudden
brilliance of my strategy starts doing the same, I scrambled up that tree like a madman, and as soon as I got on the thickest branch I could, I turn
around gave my new friend a helping hand, and up we went. And up, and up, and up.
Which was a good thing as OMG WTF was just getting up, and it looked pissed, "not that I would know what pissed would look like on a face like
that" But lest just say it looked uglier then before. I took that as a bad sign. Upon shaking itself out like a dog who just got out of water it
started sniffing around, eventually leading to the boulder, and beyond that eventually leading to our tree. And after a few attempts at jumping up
and clawing up, it got to the nearest branch, which broke clean and it fell to the ground again like a sack of potatoes, some very heavy potatoes. The
next 30 minutes it seems to have circled the tree, sometimes leaving and coming back, eventually circling it for what seemed endlessly before lifting
its leg up marking its territory and leaving.
And as you can ques there was no way I was going back down till I was sure the thing was long gone. So a hour or so latter I clamber down, the
stranger I sort of rescued right behind me, and waiting on a limb to help me back up just in case. After a while It hit me why an animal dog thing
would pee on a tree like that and leave, lets just say I did not think it would have been prudent to stick around much longer in that area.
On the way from WTF OMG thingy as soon as we were satisfied that were clear we start chatting. I turns out that his name is Harry, and to my surprise
he even speaks English, and not only that, but what seemed like 17 century English so much so that I can barely understand him. And get this! Not
only that! But our good friend Harry fancies himself a magician of sorts, and is supposedly from a great order of magicians. Of which lets just say
I seriously doubted that very much, almost being eaten alive by a giant dog squid creature and his fancy little stick did not impress me at all. But
hey he was dressed for the part, had a wand,"which I mistakenly mistaken for a little stick" and everything. But I had this felling that his
magic powers were greatly lacking, if anything I think the dude must of puffed the magic dragon a bit to much, if you know what I mean. To say that
he looked a bit high, was an understatement. So I took to calling him Harry the Pothead from then on. He did not seem to take offense, he even liked
And this is how this story begins, two people walking into the sunset, in an unknown land, filled with unknown wonders, and unknown fears, but still
no dam magical unicorns or exit door anywhere in sight. Eventually it even culminates with a firebreathing dragon and my new friend Harry the
Potheads brave but stupid heroism. Trust me there is only so much you can take of a grown man running around in pajamas waving a wand and
repeating "expelitive delitus, expelitive delitus" All while running for his life from a fire freaking breathing dragon, his fancy pajamas
catching fire, and that old familiar crappy smell trailing him again. Somehow the horror of it is still in my mind even here, even now, what
seems like an eternity latter. In this, what we will refer to as Level 14.