posted on Jun, 7 2013 @ 08:45 PM
Originally posted by KyrieEleison
reply to post by Mister_Bit
It's ok! I totally understand.
The best thing you can do is make sure this person is not left alone with them as much as you possibly can and make sure you are always able to check
in on them if they are - even a simple text message with a code word that only you two share will do.
This may come across as being "clingy" but if you are concerned for their welfare then who cares??
Absolutely. SO completely agrees. And now I'm going to channel my SO since he thinks I can do a better job of typing apparently (secretary, really?
He isn't sure if your girlfriend is still living with her parents or not as you mentioned a younger sibling being involved as well. He said that if
she is still living with her parents, then breaking her out of it is going to be just about impossible because she's in it
every day. The
best thing you can do if that is the situation is be there as a support network for her and to help "lift her back up". Basically, if she's being
torn down on a daily basis then she is never being given the opportunity to actually thrive and gain the strength to say "enough is enough". By
being there as a supportive listener and as someone who focuses on what is positive about her, that gives her self esteem a chance to actually
develop. He advises against forcing any issues, ultimatums, and the like because that is reinforcing the negative aspects of her life to which she has
developed self defense mechanisms to shield her from. What could end up happening is that she will see you as the one who is negative in her
environment. That holds true regardless of whether or not she is still living with her parents.
If she is not living with her parents, then, as Kyrie suggested above, go with her. If you know that her parents will behave (they sound a lot like
my parents on that one, btw) in the presence of "outsiders", then that will basically prevent additional abuse from taking place. When something
does occur, again, be that supportive listener who brings her back up while avoiding the negatives. This is really tricky and I can attest to that.
Initially, after actually overhearing my mother without her knowledge, my SO tried suggesting to me that my mother was a psychopath a few years ago.
I outright rejected it and defended her. It actually took me having the space away from them plus a positive support network external to my family
to actually rip it all down.
How that happens is that slow building up of the self esteem. You can tell her that what they did was wrong and unjust, but make sure that you also
tell her how great she is and how she deserves so much more. Hopefully, over time, she'll get to the point where she is strong and confident enough
to see that things are foul and will be assured of a safety net and support for saying "no more".
It's not overnight. It takes a long time. It took me one year "in it" with my SO's emotional support to start becoming aware just how noxious
everything was and realizing that I needed to remove myself from them entirely. . It took me 4 years to get to the point where I will no longer
tolerate any abuse whatsoever. Definitely takes time and patience.