reply to post by ButterCookie
Man, ButterCookie, I know exactly what kind of family you have. Just swap around the roles and you could be describing my family. My mother is a
very toxic abuser. I severely injured myself in a fall down the stairs several months ago and it's been impacting my sight, ability to move
(temporary paralysis), and much, much more. After losing half of my sight for 20 minutes one evening, I talked to my mother right away as she was
depending on me to ride her to a plastic surgery appointment later on in the week to warn her that I may be medically ordered against driving (I was).
She was livid because I wasn't "dependable". I told her that it was something out of my control and did what I had never thought I'd ever do. I
opened up all my fears and pain to her, telling her that I was absolutely terrified about what was going on with my health. I had never done that
with her in the past because she was never a person to console but I did it deliberately to force myself to see just what kind of person she actually
is. She stayed silent the whole time, not a word, so that I had to ask if she was still there or had she hung up on me. She answered "yes I am and
I'm angry with you because you're not dependable and you're going to blow $5000 of my money" (surgery deposit, I presume). I thanked her very,
very coldly for sharing with me just what kind of a person she truly is and hung up. My dad's response (they've been divorced for nearly 30 years
mind you)? "Show her just how dependable you can be!!!" and the rest of the usual rigamarole.
"Blood is thicker than water." "You've only got one mother. Do you really want a life without a mother?" "You need family." or the newer
variant, "Your kids need to know their grandmother". My response to my dad this time to all these remarks was this: "I've spent my life with a
biological mother, who was so very toxic and against any definition of term "mother" that she cannot be defined as a "mother" in any sense of the
word. She's a psychopath and that is something that I cannot change or ever hope gets fixed. My only alternative is to get her out of my life.
The "definition" of insanity is to do the same thing, over and over again, while expecting a different outcome. Well, I did that for my entire life
until I started drawing lines in the sand a few years ago. Like your mother, I, too, went back to college and she wanted me to move in with her, drop
out--you name it. I graduated instead so she can kiss my ***.
The reason why your mother (and probably mine) doesn't want you to finish is
most likely the same as what I figured mine had a problem with--they don't want us to turn out better than them. We're supposed to be failures in
their book, people they can rip apart. Once I graduated, the change was remarkable. She was cautious with me until she realized that I'm severely
injured. This time, however, I knew what was coming and forced it to the brink. As children, we learn to walk around like we're in a field filled
with landmines because that avoids the painful reality. Problem is that doing so only serves the abusers' purpose. If you need to, deliberately
step on a landmine to see reality with the wizened eyes of an adult.
It's like living in a pack of wild dogs. You don't need them. Blood is thicker than water only when that blood isn't filled with poison. You keep
going to school. Defeat her by graduating. I know how hard it is to be indoctrinated like this. It's insidious. You keep going. When they
protest, then know that they see a way in which you're breaking free of this crap. Let it fuel you and if you ever need an ear, feel free to message