Bored Walmart Shopper...So Funny

My brother forwarded this to me...hilarious and I don't laugh easily.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in an...d get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

I must try these!
Off to the printer so I can remember what to do there.

I've seen this exact list of "fun things to do at Walmart" on a different forum once.
It still causes me to giggle uncontrollably.

liveandlearn
I just loved this thread thank you for the belly laugh peace,sugarcookie1 S&F

reply to post by sugarcookie1


This is too funny! I'll have to try this the next time my wife drags me to a Walmart.

How funny…!

Here are some ideas…

Grab some women’s panties, fish net stockings, show them to an employee, and ask where the fitting rooms are located.

Ride one of the bikes on display thru-out the store, and yell repeatedly “they’re trying to get me”!

Grabs some batteries and ask an employee where the vibrators are located.

While checking out the guns in the sporting goods section, ask the sporting goods clerk if he/she has a book on how to make pipe bombs.

reply to post by liveandlearn


Especially liked the "pick me thing, although I might of tried it in a "ghostly voice" maybe customers would've thought that section haunted.

Man, in this day and age, I wouldn't even try to do half of that stuff. Would probably end up getting you arrested, sued, put on the sex offender registry and/or shot. Especially the gun thing.

reply to post by liveandlearn


man o man, laughter is a rare commodity these day's. Thank you.

I rarely make a thread and only post here and there, am serious minded, don't laugh much (as may be true for many of us), but to log on and see this actually made the front page...well, I don't know. There is some irony there.

Ha! That's pretty good, I'll have to remember some of those! I especially liked the one about hiding in a clothes rack and building a tent in sporting goods.

reply to post by liveandlearn


Did not stop laughing. Thank you.

PS. I don't really care if it was really you who did these things. Still very funny.