When neighbors aren't "nice" - need some advice

reply to post by abeverage

shrubs which have finally covered the sidewalk many of us enjoy.

OK this part yes, public space. I have an acre of wonderful flowers and garden, the neighbor has dandelions, also an acre, they breed gophers and slugs...I don't feel that is any of my business. When those things migrate to me I take care of them...oh yeah and the blackberry and ivy vines that grow over and under the fence.

I took issue only when their dog kept coming in and trying to bite me. It would growl and bite at me and I tried to make friends but it was not going to be friendly! I was scared!

I would be weeding on my knees and next thing there was teeth snapping at my face. Once it corned me in the back of the pickup and I could not reach the house...THEY were in their yard the whole time and never did a thing!

I talked to them calmly about it (at first). I asked for their help even help me make friends with the dog. I could not open my driveway gate and leave it open for my husband and eventually he dug under the fence anyway.

THEY yelled at me for having a problem with their dog? They said "we have a right to have a dog!! I said "not in MY yard!
You cannot please nor reason with some people! You can crawl and beg and bribe with pie all you want! All you will do is lose your self respect.

reply to post by abeverage

a home that has a HOA

This of course is a whole nother story and issue.

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by abeverage

 

shrubs which have finally covered the sidewalk many of us enjoy.

OK this part yes, public space. I have an acre of wonderful flowers and garden, the neighbor has dandelions, also an acre, they breed gophers and slugs...I don't feel that is any of my business. When those things migrate to me I take care of them...oh yeah and the blackberry and ivy vines that grow over and under the fence.

I took issue only when their dog kept coming in and trying to bite me. It would growl and bite at me and I tried to make friends but it was not going to be friendly! I was scared!

I would be weeding on my knees and next thing there was teeth snapping at my face. Once it corned me in the back of the pickup and I could not reach the house...THEY were in their yard the whole time and never did a thing!

I talked to them calmly about it (at first). I asked for their help even help me make friends with the dog. I could not open my driveway gate and leave it open for my husband and eventually he dug under the fence anyway.

THEY yelled at me for having a problem with their dog? They said "we have a right to have a dog!! I said "not in MY yard!
You cannot please nor reason with some people! You can crawl and beg and bribe with pie all you want! All you will do is lose your self respect.

Basically I am trying to point out it's not all about the OP or You or even Me (geez I cannot believe I said that...), Especially in a neighborhood...

It is about compromise...I try to be good neighbors, not nosy, keep the dog quiet and in my yard, not demanding and yeah you are right some people will never get along...but I still insist you need to try a few things if at that point they will not budge find more like minded people to live around.


Char-Lee you don't have to be overly friendly I mean I get the not waving bit or BBQ'n but a nood or smile would be nice once and awhile...

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by abeverage

 

a home that has a HOA

This of course is a whole nother story and issue.

Even then, though, harassment is illegal. The HOA could levy fines and whatnot if the owner is not keeping up their end of the agreement. But it is not legal to harass.

reply to post by Char-Lee

THEY yelled at me for having a problem with their dog? They said "we have a right to have a dog!! I said "not in MY yard!

No doubt, they are breaking the law here. You should remind them that should the dog bite someone, they can easily be sued, so they may want to consider ensuring they retain control of their animal. I'm an animal lover, and owner of dogs myself, but I know it is MY responsibility to ensure they are safely restrained. On the larger dogs, I even go a step further and have a basket style muzzle on them for turn out into a fenced in yard (this muzzle doesn't impede them drinking, etc., but prevents biting).

Oh, and take pictures of the dog being out without a leash, and in your lawn. The more the better. Should anything ever happen, you'll have more ammo than you'll need in court.

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

 

If the words they speak to you cause you consternation, you are the problem.

We should all have the right to relax in our own space without "words" from anyone. If you call that their own fault I guess you have no expectation of a decent life. You come home to your own space and think people have a right to berate you over the fence?

edit on 20-5-2013 by Char-Lee because: (no reason given)

Well you missed the point entirely. The words they speak can only bother her if she lets them. As to the aesthetics of the lawn, she does share a space, albeit, a small thin line dividing a property, if her weeds are encroaching on her neighbors property then the neighborly thing to do would be to eradicate them before they impede the lawn next to her's. However, her neighbors obviously don't care for her lack of attention to this detail and have responded by raising their voices. I do not agree with that response, but they have the right to voice their displeasure. Being good neighbors goes both ways.

Originally posted by captaintyinknots

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by abeverage

 

a home that has a HOA

This of course is a whole nother story and issue.

Even then, though, harassment is illegal. The HOA could levy fines and whatnot if the owner is not keeping up their end of the agreement. But it is not legal to harass.

See I was waiting for this response! And you are 100% correct and I do not agree at all with how the OP's neighbors reacted. I was however trying to get them to see that although they are nice and quiet, unless they live out in the sticks they still have an impact on their neighbors and neighborhood and some people get fed up with it.

And when there is no HOA people can get stupid and mean.
Are weeds worth being a jerk about, not in my book. And if it were me, instead of ignoring them or not nodding or smiling back I would apologize...yep I would...why not I have no qualms about being humble if I step on toes. I would say hey look I am sorry about the weeds, I (either can't or don't want to) spray them. What can we do to resolve this?

But you noticed that the OP said they always hated them...why is that? See there is something else then just weeds that or they live on Crap Street and next to, and across from the Douchingtons...

reply to post by abeverage


Lol I am very friendly...I always wave and smile at everyone.That is not socializing! I am one of those annoying people who talks to everyone wherever I go. Stop people and talk brands and flavors in the grocery store.

I honestly love people, when I was running the restaurant everyone wanted me as their server, was overwhelmingly popular! Once got a 50$ tip and this was the 1.00$ish tip usual days!

Home for me is like a paradise where only invited can intrude.

Most of our neighbors are very content to be left alone like us. We are county not city so there are small farms.

So the real issues from the OP (we have all gotten away a bit from her topic.

Been 8 years (clearly everyone! cannot move...otherwise would have!)

Are people allowed to just yell at you in your own yard and harass you?

personal remarks..that is off limits!

Guy yelled at son for boxers showing...woman insulted her hair color

(I had it wrong this was not yelled over the fence but in conversation) so they do converse.

Is there some ordinance that says I have to spray my dandelions or rake my leaves on a prescribed timetable?

The answer to this is NO because if so they would have brought her her contract and done something by now.

Sometimes I just want to go "home" where there is some sanity and love. Any advice as to how to manage this situation, protect myself and have a little peace in my own yard?

Sooo again taking people food? Not the answer is it?

Why don't you flat out tell them to shut up? Say it's my yard and I can do what I want with it.

reply to post by abeverage

Basically I am trying to point out it's not all about the OP or You or even Me (geez I cannot believe I said that...), Especially in a neighborhood... It is about compromise...I try to be good neighbors, not nosy, keep the dog quiet and in my yard, not demanding and yeah you are right some people will never get along...but I still insist you need to try a few things if at that point they will not budge find more like minded people to live around.

Ok you are 100% right on that. Since she is asking how to resolve and a fence is not an option to just shut it all out, and she does converse with them in "normal conversations".

Asking hey what can I do around here to make you guys happy if I can't always or don't feel well enough or don't want to to have a gorgeous yard?

Can I buy you'al blinders to keep your peepers off me and mine? haha just kidding!

Originally posted by WaterBottle
Why don't you flat out tell them to shut up? Say it's my yard and I can do what I want with it.

Sounds like that was tried basicly.

From OP

I asked her to please stop talking to me. She ignored me.

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

THEY yelled at me for having a problem with their dog? They said "we have a right to have a dog!! I said "not in MY yard!

No doubt, they are breaking the law here. You should remind them that should the dog bite someone, they can easily be sued, so they may want to consider ensuring they retain control of their animal. I'm an animal lover, and owner of dogs myself, but I know it is MY responsibility to ensure they are safely restrained. On the larger dogs, I even go a step further and have a basket style muzzle on them for turn out into a fenced in yard (this muzzle doesn't impede them drinking, etc., but prevents biting).

Oh, and take pictures of the dog being out without a leash, and in your lawn. The more the better. Should anything ever happen, you'll have more ammo than you'll need in court.

edit on 20-5-2013 by Gazrok because: (no reason given)

I don't have any animals anymore but also am an animal lover. We did the call thing and they were forced to get a licence and their Mother bought a chain link kennel for them but that didn't change a thing.

Fortunately they had worse trouble with another neighbor and their Mother took the free house away and is selling it. Very nice place and they destroyed it. Rich Mother rotten kid and husband.

Well this stir'd the pot a bit...

I would like to say something (I know I have said a lot already...sorry)

Galadriel I enjoy your writing so take what I said as my opinion and advice you asked for and do with it as you will.

Anyone else reading...

I have had to deal with the courts IT SUCKED, I have had to deal with seriously rude neighbors trust me getting knife pulled on you is no joke. It is EXPENSIVE, Time consuming and Utterly Frustrating!

So please before you and your neighbors get out of hand I ask that you try...try a few times if need be to get along, to show them respect (yeah even if they don't show it to you...).

Remember this...unless you live really close to your family if a Major disaster ever happens these are people who might save your life or you might have to depend on so try to be nice, try to get along. You dont have to be best of friends, but politeness is required of all of us in order to get along.

P.S. Char-Lee, I am now completely confused on the definition of socializing...

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

they have the right to voice their displeasure

I don't think they do have that right. They need to suck it up and keep their displeasure at someone elses separate life in their own home to themselves. IMO.

reply to post by Char-Lee


If it was your lawn I suggest you would feel different. As a matter of fact I guarantee you have voiced your displeasure to others about many things. Do not pretend to be holier than thou, it is not very becoming of you and rather hypocritical.

reply to post by abeverage


Star for you last post I understand you better now.

P.S. Char-Lee, I am now completely confused on the definition of socializing

I don't go to parties...I don't like gatherings...I rarely even go out for a meal
I like my home to be a sanctuary from the world for us alone, except for very rare invitation..no drop in and visits even from family. I have zero friends because I don't trust anyone any more.

I am a loner, I sculpt, read, write, garden, sew, paint, cook, play online game, visit ATS, hike, bike, camp, all alone or with my husband and that's it. Very unsocial.

Originally posted by soulpowertothendegree
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

If it was your lawn I suggest you would feel different. As a matter of fact I guarantee you have voiced your displeasure to others about many things. Do not pretend to be holier than thou, it is not very becoming of you and rather hypocritical.

edit on 20-5-2013 by soulpowertothendegree because: (no reason given)

YOU are 100% wrong. I have never and will never voice my displeasure at someone elses home and what they like there. I did mention I have a neighbor who cultivates dandelions by the billions, they mow exactly once a year! I have a meticulous acre of garden. I take care of their stuff only when it reaches MY yard. Then it is MY stuff.

I don't feel I am holier then anyone, I am however almost sickenly honest...I find it strange for someone to call someone else a hypocrite when they don't know them. I doubt I have ever "pretended" to be anything as I am as direct and open as they come.

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by abeverage

 

Star for you last post I understand you better now.

P.S. Char-Lee, I am now completely confused on the definition of socializing

I don't go to parties...I don't like gatherings...I rarely even go out for a meal
I like my home to be a sanctuary from the world for us alone, except for very rare invitation..no drop in and visits even from family. I have zero friends because I don't trust anyone any more.

I am a loner, I sculpt, read, write, garden, sew, paint, cook, play online game, visit ATS, hike, bike, camp, all alone or with my husband and that's it. Very unsocial.

Good cause I am bringing you Cake... re-reading some of this thread I missed your post on that...

*WARNING* Divergent reply with a hint of being OT...

You said you cook but would never take a pie over to a meanie? Oh come on? You don't know the sweet sweet killing of kindness...It is slick to see a horrid A-holes face when you treat them nicely and they have been such Douchians. You must try it once if revenge is a dish best served cold then this is piping hot pie loaded full of crow! Sure they may throw it in the garbage (expect it) but it was fun making it and the look is what you are after hell I often wish I had a camera for that!

I am a bit of a loner myself and I have a few Friends for the same reason, I would love to see what you paint and sculpt as I am a bit of hack artist myself but if you don't want to share I get it.

Oh and The Cake is not a lie...

OH OH OH! Here is the Bestest IDEA YET! I know this will resolve the problem!

Make them a bottle of homemade Dandelion Wine!

This is very close to my Grandfathers version of the booze juice as he would call it.

At 15 he gave me a glass and then imparted sage wisdom to me...

Son...you know you are really really drunk when you have to grab onto the carpet to keep from falling out of the house! now DRINK UP!

Believe me they will be so drunk they wont give a flying rats ___ about your lawn, if yer real sly take a few sips before you go over and you will all have great time...well until the morning...

But I have answer for that too! I seem to remember you being a vegetarian but I am here to tell you bacon is the only cure to the Dandelion shakes!


Or since they are old farts
Give them a copy of Ray Bradbury's Dandylion Wine tell them to lighten up and enjoy the summer and tell them to bottle that summer happiness make some of their own instead of being sour pusses...

reply to post by abeverage


I couldn't pull it off...looking in their eye and handing them my master piece!
I am a true redhead..well auburn green eyed scorpio, the temper would be in my eyes boiling! Plus like I said, I truly am so straight out and honest if they asked me why I baked them a cake ..wow! I would tell them the truth!

I will dig out some art photos sometime, my best are sold with no record never thought to keep them!