When neighbors aren't "nice" - need some advice

Originally posted by Klassified
Two choices. Move, or get the police and the courts involved. You aren't breaking any ordinances, therefore they have no right to even speak to you if you request they do not. Document everything. Go to an attorney, and ask him/her what you can do legally to stop the harassment. Stop letting these people bully you, and make your life worse than what it already is!

My condolences on the CFS. That's a really nasty illness.

ETA: Something I should have added earlier. You may be able to get an attorney to send them a cease and desist letter. This can sometimes be very effective.

These people seem extremely uptight and are upset that you don't manage your yard the way they do.

I suggest salting theirs. Salt the # out of their yards and flower beds so nothing grows. Then you can proceed to smile and wink at them whenever you see them.

That's what I would do.

ywah i think you got to suffer a little be more, be patient :/

reply to post by Galadriel

I am a bad neighbor

I am quiet. I love to read, sit on my deck, write. Never have parties, barbecues, noise. No Harleys pulling in. No throbbing music. No light pollution from floodlights in the yard. No dog, no outdoor animals. No beater cars up on blocks. I didn't paint my house a loud color. I don't have signs in the yard, or have a storage bin out front. I don't argue with neighbors, don't bother anyone. Take my garbage out the morning the trucks are coming (so the raccoons don't tear things apart overnight). Kinda keep to myself, am polite. I'm not even home that much. Don't gossip about my neighbors, etc.

Sounds like the perfect neighbor. People need to mind their own damn business

reply to post by Galadriel


It seems so unlikely the dandelions are their problem. How old is your son? Do they have a problem maybe with a young guy in the neighborhood that does not fit with their retired style? Was your "sweetheart" perhaps same sex?

It usually takes more interactions to get harassed across a fence about hair color? we are missing that info...still...

Whatever it is, it is not your problem so if you can't do what we did and put up a BIG fence, then so sad you have to live with it!

Maybe you COULD do a private deck fencing, I saw a cute one made with just a roll of that bamboo fencing.

We got lucky the neighbor moved out and has not been able to sell, could end up a curse in the end when it does though..I wish for 50 acres in the middle of no where!!

I have heard all kinds of retaliatory comments but not many constructive ones or taking a little ownership of the tension. After all we are only hearing one side of the story when there is always two (or more) sides.
I hope to not sound like I am jumping on you because I am not, but you rant expect a rant back.

You mention you are fatigued (who isn't?) but part of that fatigue was explained by you...too much computer too much work. Get outside and do some physical work and although it seems counter-intuitive your energy will increase slowly and you will sleep better.

Next have you tried making amends with them (not sure of your sex nor do I care) but a peace offering either of a pie/cake or just an apology. And saying I am completely over taxed what might make you happy? You say they were always like this so why do you continue to live there?

Let me tell you a story about the Bad Neighbors next door to me lived 6 boys in a 2 bedroom house they ran the grinder muffler (LOUD) 2 Fast & Furious Cars at all hours including weeknight typically at 3 AM while I was working a 60 hour work week. Their lawn was an infestation of Ants and weeds to the point I had to call and exterminator. I took them beers a couple of times and said hey what can we do about the noise? They told me to go eff myself. They had 2 dozen or more stolen bikes and were making METH!

Finally one night I had enough I was trying to sleep and one of the METH HEADs was cranked out of his mind driving up and down the street I came out and started screaming at them woke the ENTIRE neighborhood! He pulled over jumped out and pulled a Knife on me! The cops came and it became a litigation.

In the end a few of them were put in jail and I moved...


Sorry if I have little pity for you, but I dealt with bad neighbors what you have is an annoyance and one frankly you can resolve or keep complaining about it...

reply to post by Char-Lee

Maybe you COULD do a private deck fencing, I saw a cute one made with just a roll of that bamboo fencing.

There you go. You can get some 8' long, 3" wooden fence posts for like $4 a pop, then a roll of that bamboo fencing, and put up a privacy fence fairly cheaply. Use a heavy duty staple gun (and/or wire), and you're set. I'd put a post about every 4' of length.

reply to post by abeverage

including weeknight typically at 3 AM while I was working a 60 hour work week.

There are noise ordinances in most communities, especially at certain times of night, and violations of this can easily have the cops out. (and if they have to come out a second time, they get real ticked).

To all those who suggested "baking a cake or pie or cookies...

1. Have you ever had a problem with a neighbor? They HATE you?

2. WHY should YOU apologize? For what?

3. What if you can't bake?

4. They may take them and spit on them and throw them at you...

I would never take a treat to a jerk nor apologize if all I have done is be myself IN MY OWN SPACE!

You want them to leave you alone not be friends as at this point you can't stand the jerks either!

Did any of you read the OP. Someone yells insults about your personal self (hair color) over a fence so YOU take them a cake???? AND what apologize for not being what they want next door?

If you ever have the need to be vindictive....know what bothers retired people? Being bothered.

Go through their garbage for contact info (phone, email, etc.). Then, fill out anything and everything info farming with their info. They'll be inundated with calls from people wanting to fix their roof, sell windows, sell insurance, etc., etc. and their e-mail bombed with the same. Take out an ad in the free personals (and websites) on behalf of the husband looking for adult hookups, etc.(He'll have to explain some unusual phone calls) But, you didn't hear it from me. If you're feeling generous, warn them you are a gypsy first, and will send a gypsy curse their way. That way, it will all simply be a manifestation of this "curse" and their superstitious nature should fill in the blanks.

Place a nice sign on your front lawn that reads:

When you start paying my taxes and, or mortgage for this property, I will take everyone's complaints into consideration. Till then, sod off.

Sincerely, Galadriel.

Well, if you reside in the United State, I'd suggest sending an e-mail to [email protected] saying that your neighbors don't like obamacare. Then you can watch the IRS come bully them around.

Exactly the reason I avoid living anywhere populated.

Sell your house, and buy some property with a mobile home in a rural area.

Peace and quiet. No neighbors, no bills. Freedom. Enjoy.

reply to post by Galadriel


You said you tried to do the things you needed to do to please them; peer pressure to take care of your lawn. I think you are focusing on the wrong weeds. People that have a desire to inflict their hatred on others are simply not happy with their own lives and focus on others perceived shortcomings in order to feel better about themselves.

I suggested killing them with kindness, but let me go a bit deeper for you.

There are ways for you to be a good neighbor without a perfectly manicured lawn. If the words they speak to you cause you consternation, you are the problem. Perhaps how you respond would make a difference, perhaps not.

Expectations are usually self induced to create disappointment.

Why don't you make some chocolate chip cookies or write a poem or a baked lasagna; no expectations, just being a good neighbor.

Originally posted by Deemo Diablo
Exactly the reason I avoid living anywhere populated.

Sell your house, and buy some property with a mobile home in a rural area.

Peace and quiet. No neighbors, no bills. Freedom. Enjoy.

Be sure it is not in tornado alley.

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by abeverage

 

including weeknight typically at 3 AM while I was working a 60 hour work week.

There are noise ordinances in most communities, especially at certain times of night, and violations of this can easily have the cops out. (and if they have to come out a second time, they get real ticked).

I called them multiple times funny thing is they wont come out unless someone will file a compliant. I kept trying the obvious and being nice and playing nice. I did call the cops after a few weeks of them "building and testing another car" They came and warned them.

The night I had enough I did call the previous night and they came gave them them yet another warning which led to the next night of racing up and down the street until I came out and there was an altercation...

Like I was saying weeds...that is an annoyance, but being neighborly is more then being a homebody and laying low it is also about several types of respect and compromise.

It can be whatever you make it. And although I love Anarchy it is not a free for all...

If the OP was my neighbor and they said to me "hey I need help" I would gladly help. I have all natural weed killer or I could help find some alternative to make "OUR" neighborhood look nice or compromise. Because unfortunately for the OP they have their own house (or rent it or whatever) but it is not out on a farm or private land, it is a shared community...

Like the OP said they would be there in an instant should one have a heart attack. Well I often mowed my neighbors lawn before they could afford a mower as I offered but gladly would if they asked. Now admittedly neighbors can be pushy or rude and sometimes violent (as I stated) But somehow I think there is more to the story.

The OP would be the bigger person by finding the common ground (weeded or not) and a compromise and not continuing the pettiness (on both sides) before something stupid does happen and the law is brought in...

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

If the words they speak to you cause you consternation, you are the problem.

We should all have the right to relax in our own space without "words" from anyone. If you call that their own fault I guess you have no expectation of a decent life. You come home to your own space and think people have a right to berate you over the fence?

reply to post by abeverage


I disagree totally with this.

but being neighborly is more then being a homebody and laying low

If you are a quiet private person you still have a right to have a home you know, and still be you!
I don't LIKE to socialize, I don't like having people talk to me when I am in my yard, I like peace and privacy and that is my right.
Neighborhoods that have no contract for community have no obligation to befriend, join in or anything else you don't feel like doing! You simply have an obligation to let them be and stay out of their property and not be an annoyance by way of law, which is generally keep your pets at home and make no loud noise after 10 pm.

Dang What is with you people wanting to bring food to strangers? i would never eat food from someone if I have not been in their kitchen or know them well. My sister takes food to pot lucks...lol little do they know she has cats on the counter as she cooks and the dogs lick everything even the pans while they are on the table she doesn't care she shares off her plate with all of them!

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by soulpowertothendegree

 

If the words they speak to you cause you consternation, you are the problem.

We should all have the right to relax in our own space without "words" from anyone. If you call that their own fault I guess you have no expectation of a decent life. You come home to your own space and think people have a rite to berate you over the fence?

Weeds know no fences and for some people the aesthetics of a neighborhood are important, I know I know it is silly and as I say this I just cleaned up mine for this first time this year (ugh I can be so lazy..)

The OP is 100% to be able to relax in their own space but a neighborhood is also a shared space. I am reminded of this as a rental down the block that has shrubs which have finally covered the sidewalk many of us enjoy.

The young woman who lived next door took it upon herself to clean it up. I felt horrible as I walked by and she was finishing up. I asked if she needed any help she said "No, but they were not going to take care of it so I did".

Although we like to believe it is all about us and meeting our wants and our needs and our peace of mind and we hate when others are imposed upon us, but sometimes we need to see what we might be infringing on ourselves...

Originally posted by Char-Lee
Neighborhoods that have no contract for community have no obligation to befriend, join in or anything else you don't feel like doing! You simply have an obligation to let them be and stay out of their property and not be an annoyance by way of law, which is generally keep your pets at home and make no loud noise after 10 pm.

Dang What is with you people wanting to bring food to strangers? i would never eat food from someone if I have not been in their kitchen or know them well. My sister takes food to pot lucks...lol little do they know she has cats on the counter as she cooks and the dogs lick everything even the pans while they are on the table she doesn't care she shares off her plate with all of them!

Stay in your home! I don't care...drive into your garage and close the curtains I don't care! that was not my point. If you move into a home that has a HOA then yeah you do have an obligation and A contract to keep your yard clean and most likely weed free.

Other than that I don't care if I ever see you out. My neighbors that just moved into the rental next door I waved once they never waved back, No sweat of my brow. But they mow weekly while I was trying to sell my house. Never met them and I don't care if I do. You want to be anti-social that is fine but you want to be a slob somewhere that has a rule against no slobs it will be tough to defend that...

Oh and I agree about potlucks...