Pat Robertsons Advice to Wives of Cheating Husbands

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by windword

 

Dear windword,

I gave you a star because I couldn't believe no one else had. You laid the foundation for a very reasonable approach to this situation and included information which most, if not all, of the other posters chose to ignore.

Maybe it's the fora I spend most of my time in, maybe it's my personal situation at the moment, maybe it's the danger facing the present administration causing panic, I'm not sure. Regardless, there seems to be a higher level of hate and rage here, even blind hate, than I'm used to seeing.

I hope you don't mind if I repeat some of your points.

A woman writes in, asking how she can deal with her feelings of anger, betrayal, and distrust. She's not asking if he did the wrong thing in cheating, or what the cause of it might have been, or whether she owed him more sex or whatever.

The large majority of Robertson's advice, the first portion, was solid. Stop focusing on the wrong he did. Don't relive it over and over. Don't concentrate on that bad act, instead look to the good things in life and in the relationship. That all seems reasonable. The woman wants to stay with her husband, but says she wants to change her attitude, this seems like a good path.

After providing her with the advice, he changes gears, almost changes topics. He talks about how that bad act could have occurred. 'Men have a tendency to wander," is so obviously true, that I'm surprised it was even noticed. Of course we do. Thankfully, many men (I wish it were all) are able to overcome that tendency and live in completely faithful marriages. Some aren't, and part of the problem is the temptations that exist. This is also an obvious truth.

Look at it this way. If I were to say that ATS posters have a tendency to call people names, the proper response would be "Duh!" But most are able to overcome that tendency.

Finally, Robertson says that a way to help a husband is to provide various kinds of support at home so that he is more able to resist temptation. Sounds good to me. I don't see where he went wrong. I may say, however, that the site "RightWingWatch" has seriously slipped in my estimation.

Nice work, windword.

With respect,
Charles1952

That's all well and good, right?!

...regardless of who quizzed who over what advice...yada, yada, yada...this idiot robertson had no business addressing the 'assumed' attitude the wife had taken on...has absolutely nothing to do with the wife - HAS absolutely everything to do with the husbands attitude...the issue cannot be 'switch & shifted' to include the wife (except by marriage)...

The 'way to help a husband' is to kick this idiot-a** to the curb...what is this 'help the husband ' crap??????

This robertson is a d**k...and anyone who thinks he has anything viable to say, which includes marriage advice is a d**k...

Å99

Originally posted by olaru12


What ever happened to Christians asking themselves...."What would Jesus do?"

We always try to do things in a way which please God.

Pat Robertson and the like, however, are driven by a different god. They only think they've hated all the right things

reply to post by akushla99

Dear akushla99,

Looks like I've created a misunderstanding, please let me explain. From the article the OP used as a source;

“I’ve been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me. We have gone to counseling, but I just can’t seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?”

That indicated to me that the wife wanted to stay with the husband, but wanted advice on how to deal with her feelings or attitude.

I didn't get the impression that she wanted

to kick this idiot-a** to the curb...

Whether you see it as the correct response or not, she did not want to take that path. That's why it seemed to me that Robertson was answering what this particular woman asked, not what we might have asked if we were in her place.

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by akushla99

 

Dear akushla99,

Looks like I've created a misunderstanding, please let me explain. From the article the OP used as a source;

“I’ve been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me. We have gone to counseling, but I just can’t seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?”

That indicated to me that the wife wanted to stay with the husband, but wanted advice on how to deal with her feelings or attitude.

I didn't get the impression that she wanted

to kick this idiot-a** to the curb...

Whether you see it as the correct response or not, she did not want to take that path. That's why it seemed to me that Robertson was answering what this particular woman asked, not what we might have asked if we were in her place.

With respect,
Charles1952

I understand exactly what was being said...

The CORRECT response should have been...

'Your attitude should only change when your husband has prostrated himself before you...when he has done this...send your husband back to me...and then we can work on how we can begin to change your HUSBANDS attitude'

THAT, was the correct answer!

Regardless of whether the wife asked, or not...

Å99

reply to post by Zanti Misfit


Maybe that was a Broad Blanket Statement.

But there is No need for a mind reader.

When you see a guy who has a loving wife that would do ANYthing for him, she goes the Xtra mile, She goes completely out of her way to make sure that he is a comfortable as possible, she cooks for him, she makes sure he has a clean house, she tends to the children when he is at work, she gives excellent conversation, etc, etc, you see a guy who has everything a guy could want.

reply to post by akushla99

Dear akushla99,

I'm having a little difficulty accepting your position. I can understand it completely, I know that cheating is a terrible thing causing serious and lasting wounds. But please remember that this woman has already gone to marriage counselling with her husband for advice. I assume the counsellor was licensed or certified in some way, and was reasonable, but I don't know for sure.

But isn't it a little disrepectful to the wife to say:

"I know you want to stay with your husband, I know you want to work on your feelings, and you've gone to a counsellor, but that's all wrong. Everything you want to do is wrong. All your decisions are wrong. I'll tell you what you should feel and how you should behave towards your husband. Obviously you can't make up your own mind."

I don't claim that you would say those horrible words, but don't we need to allow the wife to choose her own path?

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by akushla99

 

Dear akushla99,

I'm having a little difficulty accepting your position. I can understand it completely, I know that cheating is a terrible thing causing serious and lasting wounds. But please remember that this woman has already gone to marriage counselling with her husband for advice. I assume the counsellor was licensed or certified in some way, and was reasonable, but I don't know for sure.

But isn't it a little disrepectful to the wife to say:

"I know you want to stay with your husband, I know you want to work on your feelings, and you've gone to a counsellor, but that's all wrong. Everything you want to do is wrong. All your decisions are wrong. I'll tell you what you should feel and how you should behave towards your husband. Obviously you can't make up your own mind."

I don't claim that you would say those horrible words, but don't we need to allow the wife to choose her own path?

With respect,
Charles1952

My position is this...

She, the wife, has no 'attitude' to change...except the one that has convinced her this has something to do with her...if a counsellor had been used, I can tell you - the FOCUS would have been on the husband...if she is asking this robertson d**k for marriage counselling...HE AINT QUALIFIED...if they have gone to counselling, why would she need to change her 'attitude' except to one of constant suspicion?...apparently the professional counselling didn't work...why she's asking robertson is a mystery to me...forgiving will be great, until the next time...

Don't get me wrong...in her situation (as bare bones as it is)...2 chances...otherwise, she's agreeing to be a doormat...

Å99

reply to post by akushla99

Dear akushla99,

You're quite right, it's very "bare bones." I could easily be coming to the wrong conclusion, but I think I see how I've come to a different set of ideas from yours.

If I'm following you, you're saying that if a woman is cheated on, then the appropriate response is "X, Y, and Z." I think I agree with you, at least in the large majority of the cases. No problem there.

Where I went differently was in thinking, "Ok, the woman has made a choice which strikes just about everybody as an inappropriate one (advice from Robertson), but it's her life and we can't keep her from doing it." Robertson's advice is helping her to her goal, but in may be an inappropriate goal.

It looks to me like these positions can exist together, they're not contradictory, but I was looking at a different part of the "elephant," so to speak.

Thank you for taking the time and having the patience to explain yourself so well. I appreciate the lesson.

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by akushla99

 

Dear akushla99,

You're quite right, it's very "bare bones." I could easily be coming to the wrong conclusion, but I think I see how I've come to a different set of ideas from yours.

If I'm following you, you're saying that if a woman is cheated on, then the appropriate response is "X, Y, and Z." I think I agree with you, at least in the large majority of the cases. No problem there.

Where I went differently was in thinking, "Ok, the woman has made a choice which strikes just about everybody as an inappropriate one (advice from Robertson), but it's her life and we can't keep her from doing it." Robertson's advice is helping her to her goal, but in may be an inappropriate goal.

It looks to me like these positions can exist together, they're not contradictory, but I was looking at a different part of the "elephant," so to speak.

Thank you for taking the time and having the patience to explain yourself so well. I appreciate the lesson.

With respect,
Charles1952

Far be it Charles1952, for me to think I would be teaching anything...I agree completely with your assessment, the way you have understood what I have said has cut through my visceral response...my hat is tipped...

Regards

Å99

Has anyone asked him what he thinks about wives cheating on their husbands?

reply to post by akushla99

Dear akushla99,

Now you've asked for it. I'm going to get a little mushy, emotional, and personal on you.

Everybody has a different idea of what ATS is. For me, it's meeting real people, almost all of whom are suffering. Most have hopes, dreams, and a sense of goodness and love in their hearts. You certainly do, and it's a pleasure meeting you.

I learn, and I come to understand a little more about the ideas that people just like me have. There are very few things more important than strengthing and encouraging others. Something that Mr. X forgot when he cheated. But it's also something that some ATSers have forgotten. In those people, it's tough to find something to encourage or appeal to. Unlike you, many just refuse to communicate or to share themselves, they hide wrapped in anger or hate or greed or lust.

Speaking (writing?) with you has been a golden moment for me. Thank you for that.

Now all we have to do is convert ATS and all cheating husbands.

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by mykingdomforthetruth
if you fall out with your girlfriend to the point of wanting to cheat on her you don't belong together.

so something was wrong in the relationship if your man cheats then he´s no good for you and vice versa but know this

all relationships need work from both parties otherwise wanting to cheat is inevitable.

Wanting and doing are two separate things

What ever happened to self control ?

Originally posted by Thisbseth
I can say this because I can...I cheated on my girlfriend of 5 years because of how she started acting. She started to ignore me, lie, felt as if she was over me, sex got more then decreased, her all around attitude changed. For what reason? Well when we started dating when she was 16. And since she was so young and had me through all of her teen years she never got the chance to go out and experience an enjoy those years. Yes she did choose to be in a relationship but she didn't choose how it would make her feel after 5 years. Anyways, my point being that yes I got attention from another women that was allways complimenting and telling me things, and I missed gettin that kind of attention from my own girl..so I agree. If my girlfriend was putting more thought Into making it work at home instead of what she was missin out on I wouldn't have needed to feel the kindness and the wanting feeling another girl gave me. Yes it was a mistake and me and my girlfriend are bak and doing better then ever( don't wanna write the whole story) but she did mention to me that my cheating was somewhat her fault as well...and if she could realize that being the stubborn model she is then I'm sure some of u other women would understand as well. Sorry if this didn't make any sense but it's just my 2 cents of input because I went through this same thing. And don't bash on me I never lied/treated her bad.

edit on 17-5-2013 by Thisbseth because: (no reason given)

edit on 17-5-2013 by Thisbseth because: (no reason given)

edit on 17-5-2013 by Thisbseth because: (no reason given)

When you cheated it was you who devalued your relationship and some where at that

time you were trying to keep all of your options open!!


The fair and just thing would have been to have it out that you were not happy the way things

were and that it was time for you both to go your separate ways. That would have given her

the opportunity to change things (if indeed she wanted to) or you your freedom to go else

where for solace And then at least you wouldn't have cheated!

Originally posted by Zanti Misfit
reply to post by FlyersFan

 

The ONLY Reason Men might Cheat on their Spouses is because they don't get the Affection they Crave from their Wives at ANY given time . Nagging also Factors into it .

The measure of a man is what he will do if he knows (or thinks) he will not be found out!!

Originally posted by FlyersFan
Pat Robertsons Cheating Advice Sparks Outrage

Pat Robertsons cheating advice didn’t go over as well as he may have hoped. The evangelist, who appeared on Thursday’s 700 Club, responded to a woman pleading for advice on how to forgive her husband’s cheating by saying, “well, he’s a man.” ........ “Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.”

So women are just supposed to put up with it because men are going to commit adultry it's in their nature? And it's the woman's fault because if she had a nice home and homelife then he wouldn't want to wander?? That's what it look like he's saying. This isn't the neanderthal time period. Men are supposed to be civilized and not ruled by their primal procreative instincts but instead are supposed to be controlled by their brains.

Man .... oh man .... oh man ...... just

In the article, Robertson told the woman to 'stop talking about the cheating'. I think that's a bad idea. If there is a problem that contributed to the cheating, then it has to be discussed and resolved, or else there will just be more cheating in the future.

Social issue .... So ATS what's your take?
Are husbands just expected to cheat (or 'wander a bit' as Robertson called it?).
Is it automatically the wifes fault for not 'having a nice home' or 'nice homelife'??
What do you think?

Yet more proof that Pat needs to go away and retire. Well, perhaps he just needs to go away.

reply to post by akushla99





Just thought it was an appropriate time to throw in a few notions on trust


"I trust you" is a bigger compliment than "I love you" because you may not

always trust the person you love - but - You can always love the person you trust.


It's hard to trust after you've been betrayed by the "one" you trusted most.


Trust is like an eraser - it gets smaller with every mistake.

reply to post by charles1952




OFF TOPIC but I hope the mods will allow


Aw you sound like such a lovely guy I think you should alter the piece under your name

from "just a guy" to "just a lovely guy"

Guess what, he would have said the same thing if the husband had homosexual tendencies. I knew he was going to say that stuff before I even read it, its typical religious nonsense. Although he did come forward a few years ago and say it should be cool to carry a couple of ounces on you at all times...lol

Originally posted by FlyersFan

The evangelist, who appeared on Thursday’s 700 Club, responded to a woman pleading for advice on how to forgive her husband’s cheating by saying, “well, he’s a man.” ........ “Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.”

In other words...

...get back in the kitchen and cook him something to eat!

Pat Robertsons cheating advice:

Pat said.. “well, he’s a man.” ........ males have a tendency to wander a little bit. BIG FAIL ADVICE!

Agreed... "Men are supposed to not be ruled by their primal procreative instincts but instead are supposed to be controlled by their brains", any Males who disagree with this statement I'll never fight side by-side with them, they are a liability!

Pat Robertson told the woman to 'stop talking about the cheating'... how do you address a problem then PAT if you just sweep it under the carpet... you are a BIG LIABILITY and I consider you my enemy!!!