posted on May, 15 2013 @ 09:47 AM
Quite a forward title don't you think, well today and pretty much this whole I have felt a bit morbid.
I can't seem to point out a single reason for my moods of late. I can normally deal with my scrutinous mentally towards my natural surroundings. I
find it bearable to revel in the dark side of humankind's nature, you know for perspective. I have made peace that I will always be a slave to a
system that I despise. I have made peace that I will never be able to fool my self into thinking I am normal and that the ''normal'' life is for
me. I understand the results of my dissociative disorder if it can even be placed in a box like everything else people can't handle. I do have the
ability to feel, I just seem to feel more for things that most people disregard.
I'm sure it's great to own a huge piece of property with all sorts of materials to distract me from the deeper and more
ethereal/esoteric/metaphysical side of life. Ive listened to all the theories of materialism, the hypothesis that we are merely programmed biological
organisms that exist for a brief moment in time as the result of a monumental explosion billions of years prior. I understand that this existence
might be it, that some are unfortunate whilst others are so privileged that they seem to overlook the rest.
I have even embraced my flaws and made peace with my mistakes and believe me I have made many mistakes, so much so that it has lead me so far down
the rabbit hole so to speak that mere conversations with others sometimes end in dismay.
Why? because I tend to say things like it is, I tend to unintentionally burst peoples bubbles so to speak. You see I have this irritating yet
addictive condition for seeing the world for what it is and not what it wants to be. I see past all the superficial chivalry and games the masses seem
to consume so vigorously.
I see past all the so called charity in a orchestrated system of valueless paper exchange for top hats and skyscrapers. It's power behind the
kindness you see on the idiot box that feeds perpetual lies to the emotionally unstable slaves that continue a valueless existence by constantly
feeding of glamor and kindness whilst trees are being massacred and the oceans are being poisoned.
I know it is the little things that should be enjoyed but as of late I have realized the way things are going the little things might not exist for
much longer. I hate to say this but maybe I should just admit that I hate human beings for always being so predictable, for always taking the easy way
out, for always ignoring the most important things.
That first bite of that sweet apple, that sweet taste of pleasure that has lead us all astray in the pursuit of pleasure at all cost, who cares about
the man sitting in the corner with his cardboard sign. He had his chance to swindle he just wasn't that good at it. One thing I know is if there is a
God he/she/it has left us a long time ago, I know I would of. Don't get me wrong, behind all this is a morbidity, there lies a person capable of
showing compassion,love,and care. I just don't know where to project it towards any longer. Is it because we have lost touch with the very thing that
has provided us with the environment to exist, probably. All I know is I need some wise words, not from scripture, not from some deity speaking
through you. Just from you .....